


Like Mother, Like Daughter (Season 3)

by originella



Series: Like Mother, Like Daughter [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 15:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 72,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19065121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originella/pseuds/originella
Summary: In the wake of the shooting, seventeen-year-old Iana Milkovich has turned to her old flame, Axel, for comfort. But when questions come knocking about her past, Iana decides she wants answers once and for all. With Axel's help, Iana decides to find someone from her past, someone she has never met, to try to piece together even more of her identity, yet is nervous about her findings.





	1. Back To Square One

_I could physically feel the blood sticking to my fingers as I stared down at Cara in the courtroom and, despite the bustle of police escorting Carsen out and evacuating everyone else, it seemed as if people had given up in their attempts to move me. I just knelt there my fingers and palms caked in blood, staring down at Cara, her blue eyes registering shock, and her mouth open, in mid-scream, as she went to meet her own death…_

“Goddammit,” I muttered, silencing my phone alarm and peeking over at it, seeing seven a.m. reflected back at me, as I struggled to see. I pulled on my undershirt over my naked body, and yanked on my pair of panties as Hailey began to mewl in her crib. “Axel,” I hissed as I finished pulling up my panties and moved his arm slightly. “It’s seven. You need to get to the prison and I need to drop off Hailey at daycare, _and_ get to work myself. Let’s go. Come on.”

Axel sighed, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, his eyes on me as I crossed over to Hailey’s crib, scooping her up into my arms and calming her. “How is she this morning?” he asked.

“Fine, of course,” I said, my heart squeezing at the notion of Axel asking after my nearly seven-month-old daughter. I crossed the room and calmed her completely, setting her down on the changing table and tidying her up. “My shift ends at four today,” I told him, “and I’ll be picking up Hailey at four-thirty. I’ve got tomorrow off and Pops said that he and Uncle Ian can watch Hailey for the night if you want to sleep at your place.”

“I’m fine with crashing here again,” Axel says, flashing me a smile.

I blinked. “Should I still tell Pops and Uncle Ian to watch Hailey?”

“No, of course not. Besides, you’ve learned to be exceptionally quiet,” he continues, crossing the room just as I’ve finished cleaning her up, and places a kiss on my exposed shoulder. “Not to mention the rather obvious fact that we’re a couple, so the least I can do is have Hailey get used to me…”

I scoffed. “Oh, really?” I said, taking a moist towelette and cleaning off my hands, whereupon I turned around and let out a small squeal as Axel grabbed me by the hips and pulled me lengthwise against him. “I wasn’t aware that we’d had the ‘let’s be a couple’, or, ‘let’s try this again’ conversation, Mr. Richland.”

Axel grinned unabashedly down at me. “Oh, I see,” he said, still holding me against him. “Iana, would you like to be my girlfriend?”

I threw my head back and laughed, thumping him on the shoulder, which got him to turn me loose for a moment. “I’m just fucking with you,” I replied, standing on my toes to kiss him. “I was yours from the day you found me, chatting up Cara, in the cemetery. Trust me; I’m your girlfriend. Not like I have the time or the energy to sneak out and fuck someone else. I barely have enough time to focus on my job, Hailey, and you as it is…”

“Well, we’ll just have to make more time for Hailey, then,” Axel said simply. “You have the day off tomorrow, and so do I. We can plan something to do, the three of us, and maybe spend the night at my place, since it’s Sunday the day after, and you’re not working weekends, and neither am I for a while…”

I turned and looked at Axel. “You’re not working weekends?”

“Just got the word last night about the warden rotation,” Axel explained. “I don’t have to work weekends again until January, and I’m not gonna complain.”

I smiled slowly then, turning back around and picking up Hailey from the changing table. “I don’t know about us sleeping over, Axel. Hailey’s so used to being here, plus she’s got her crib here and the daybed at Pops and Uncle Ian’s house when she sleeps over there…”

Axel promptly put up his index finger, whereupon he got onto his phone and pulled up a shopping website and pulled up a shopping website and searched for a baby daybed, and, after finding one very close to the one at Pops and Uncle Ian’s place, clicked to order it. He also clicked same-day shipping, and even though I shook my head at him, I felt the smile on my face at his triumph. “This way we can take the baby monitors with us and put her in my study,” he said gently to me. “Take along the nightlight, too, if you want, and then you and I can be a little bit louder than we’ve been recently…”

I sighed, pressing my nose into Hailey’s head for a moment, and raised my eyebrows when she held out her little arms to Axel, who took her immediately and smiled down at me. “But we’re spending the night here tonight?”

Axel nodded. “Of course. We’ll spend our time with Hailey today getting used to the idea… But not now,” he said, checking his phone again and handing her back to me, with a quick kiss on her forehead. “I’ve still got to run back to my place, shower and change, before my shift starts at ten, which means I’m not off till six…”

“We’ll make it work,” I assured him, watching him get dressed. I set Hailey onto my bed for a moment, pulling on a pair of shorts as Axel finished getting dressed before I took Hailey back into my arms. I followed Axel to my bedroom door, waiting for him to open it, and followed him down the stairs and towards the front door. I touched his shoulder then as he opened it, and he turned around to face me then, smiling. “I’ll see you tonight,” I said.

Axel grinned at me then, kissing me and waving goodbye to Hailey as he walked through the door and towards his car.

I shut and locked the door behind him, carrying Hailey through the living room and into the kitchen, where Clayton and Fionn, now in the eighth grade, stared at me in an unabashed manner with goo-goo eyes. Turning my head, I regarded nine-year-old Carla, in the fourth grade, batted her eyelashes at me and six-year-old Charlie, in the first grade, looked around. I gritted my teeth at the juvenile attitude of their behavior, and did my very best not to squeeze my daughter in a moment of pure loathing.

“Something you guys wanna say?” I demanded as I put Hailey into her highchair, and went to get her baby food out of the pantry.

“Honey, go easy on them,” Mom scolded gently, where she was flipping pancakes on the griddle on the stove.

“It’s all very new for them. For us, too,” Dad put in from behind his newspaper.

I rolled my eyes. “Axel and I have been doing what we’re doing for three months, and he’s over here at least four nights a week,” I said, getting down a jar of strained applesauce for part of Hailey’s breakfast and spooning it into a bowl. “Don’t see why they need to react this way after it’s been happening for that long… Mom, I get some, too, right?” I asked, bringing the bowl of applesauce over to the table, indicating the pancakes.

“There will always be enough batter for you, sweetheart,” Mom assured me then as I placed the bowl in front of Hailey, with one of her child safety spoons, and began feeding her. “She seems to like that, hon.”

I nodded. “It’s quickly becoming a favorite.”

“You’re still breastfeeding, though, right?” Dad asked.

“Dad! Ew!” Clayton shouted.

“My ears, my ears!” yelled Fionn.

“Oh, _please_ ,” I muttered.

“Someday you boys might like breasts,” Mom said patiently, smirking at the notion of it as she flipped the last of the pancakes onto a platter, and brought them over to the table. Butter, syrup, and jars of jam had already been placed on the table, and Mom carefully served everyone a total of two pancakes, to go with the scrambled eggs on everyone’s plate.

“Yeah, I’m still… Doing that,” I said. “The pediatrician said I should continue for another six months or so before attempting to introduce other woods to her diet while trying to wean her off the stuff. The point is, Hailey is healthy and happy, according to her doctor, and she loves her mama so much,” I said, turning to look at my daughter, and spooning her another bite with an idiotic smile on my face.

Carla and Charlie’s carpool arrived to take them to elementary school soon thereafter, and Mom handed them their school lunches and ran with them to the front door to see them off. She kissed both of them and waved to them, and I smiled, continuing to feed Hailey until her bowl was empty of applesauce before I began my own breakfast. Once I was finished, I would got into the fridge for a bottle of my milk for her and Mom would feed her, while I would go upstairs and ready myself for my shift at Patsy’s.

“You boys remember everything you needed for school?” Dad asked, folding up his newspaper and staring at Clayton and Fionn. “Eighth grade is important. I know it’s only the third day of the first week, but I want to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything…”

“My architect kit is still upstairs!” Clayton shouted, getting to his feet and quickly clearing his dishes, before he ran back up the stairs.

“Boys,” Mom and I said, grinning at one another.

“How about you, Fionn?” Dad asked, turning to the younger of my twin brothers. “Did you remember everything?”

Fionn nodded. “Yeah,” he said, pushing the final half of his last pancake around the plate, which was submerged in a pool of maple syrup. “I remembered everything…”

“Fionn,” Mom asked, reaching across the table and running her hand over his. “Are you okay there, honey?”

Fionn raised his eyes to hers. “I don’t know,” he said after a while.

“Hey, Fionn,” I said, breaking the tension, “there’s something that I could use your hand with upstairs… You think you can spare a couple of minutes?”

Fionn blinked, but when he looked at me, he saw my smile, and knew I was helping him. “Yeah, I can,” he said, quickly getting up, taking my dish for me and putting them into the dishwasher across the kitchen.

“Mom, can you watch Hailey?” I asked. “Her bottle is in the fridge, and I still need to shower before I drop her off.”

“No problem, sweetheart,” Mom replied.

“Thanks,” I said, putting an arm around Fionn and walking with him towards the staircase. I smiled at the notion that the boys were above my shoulders now, and would likely overtake me completely in height before their first year of high school. When Fionn and I got into my bedroom, I shut the door behind me and turned to face him. “Talk,” I said, my voice firm but gentle as I began straightening out my bed.

Fionn sighed, crossing the room and pulling the sheets and comforter into place on the other side of my bed and shrugged his shoulders. “I think you already know…”

I bit my lip then, rolling my shoulders as I smacked my pair of pillows into place. “Just because I suspect doesn’t mean I automatically know, Fionn,” I said, smiling over at him. “You and Clayton are just as much my kids as you are Mom and Dad’s, so of course I think I know, but I’ll never know for sure until or unless you say the words, and nobody’s forcing you to. It’s up to you when you say them, just like it was for me, and nobody forced me either.”

“So, you know, then?” Fionn asked, and I raised my eyes to his, from the other side of the bed, and watched him then, hoping that my eyes and body language told him that he was loved and accepted, and I was by no means forcing him to tell me. “You know that I’m gay?”

I nodded at him. “Of course I know, Fionn,” I said gently, crossing around my now-made bed and placed my hands on his shoulders. “I’ve known pretty much since the beginning. And it wasn’t any one thing that tipped me off; it’s just that I know you as a person, like I would my own child, because you are my own child.” I put my forehead against his then for a moment before I kissed it, and wrapped my arms around him, and immediately felt relief when his arms came around me, too. “You may be fourteen-years-old now, you little punk, but you’ll always be my baby brother, and my kid, So, of course I knew it. And I want you to know that it doesn’t change a thing, and it shouldn’t change a thing either, because I love you, so much, and I’ll help you and be there for you whenever you need it, if you ever need it. Okay?”

Fionn nodded, clinging to me for just a bit longer before pulling back, and automatically wrapped his arms around himself, as I so often did, not wanting to appear totally and completely vulnerable to anyone. “Thanks,” he replied.

I nodded back at him. “You’re welcome,” I said quietly.

“And you won’t… You won’t tell Mom and Dad, right?” Fionn shook his head then at my shocked expression. “I’m not ashamed or anything, promise. It’s just that, I want them to know when I’m ready for them to know.”

“Yeah, of course,” I replied. “I came out to Pops and Uncle Ian about being pansexual _years_ before I told Mom and Dad. And besides, they could know, just like I knew for sure when I saw you making out with James Snow last year,” I told him with a grin.

Fionn’s eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. “How did you…?!”

“Please,” I said, scoffing at him. “First rule of having someone you like under the same roof, even if your parents aren’t home. Close the fucking door,” I told him.

Fionn blushed. “Right… Really need to remember that one…”

“You and James, I don’t know… Hang out?” I asked, not really wanting to pry too much into my brother’s dating and potential sex life.

He sighed. “I mean, yeah, of course.” He smirked then. “Let’s just say that positions run in the family, big sister.”

“Okay,” I said, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips before I could call it back. “That’s enough about that… You and James a thing?”

He shook his head. “No, we just hooked up a few times. I don’t think he was as into it as he said, and he started dating Chelsea Catwell pretty quick…”

I nodded. “Well, I think you’ll find a better playing field in high school,” I told him, patting him on the shoulder.

“The bleachers?” he asked, his eyebrows going up and down.

I gaped at him. “Who told you about that?!”

“Nobody had to tell me,” Fionn said, laughing as he threw up his hands in mock-surrender at me as he continued to laugh. “It’s a hook-up spot for a reason.”

“Oh, fucking Christ,” I whispered, shaking my head. “You’re not allowed to put your name there until you graduate, you know.”

“Mickey didn’t graduate,” Fionn stipulated.

I put my hands on my hips. “That’s different. He’s one of the family.”

Fionn rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever,” he said. “At least I know I’ve got game.”

I blinked. “And you would know that how? You just told me that James moved on to that Chelsea person pretty quickly…”

Fionn grinned. “Clayton may be popular, Iana, but there’s usually more than one reason _both_ twins get into cool high school parties.”

I shook my head. “The night Clayton got drunk and passed out with the kegger…?”

Fionn sighed. “I know I was supposed to be keeping an eye on him the whole time, but let’s just say the host was _very_ persuasive.”

“I thought the host was that son of a bitch I threatened to kill?”

“Nah, that was his best friend, Angus,” Fionn said, waving that way. “Brian was the host of the party that night; it was his house, and we were holed up in his bedroom for quite a while, if you know what I mean.”

“He’s...older,” I said, making a face, although I knew I was one to talk.

“He was just a freshman,” Fionn said, shrugging it off. “Got held back a year when the cops busted him for drinking underage.”

“Looks like he didn’t learn his lesson, then…” I muttered.

“Hey, maybe I like ‘em bad,” Fionn said, his eyebrows going up and down.

I rolled my eyes at him. “And, who knows? When Hailey and I get our own place, I could put in a good word for you in getting this room with the impressive ladder Uncle Kev and Uncle Lip put in for me. Looks like you’d need your own little bachelor pad, now that I know a little bit more about what you’ve been up to,” I said, grabbing him around the neck then and running my knuckles over his hair. “Love you,” I said, playfully shoving him away from me and towards my bedroom door, which he opened. “Tell Mom I’m jumping in the shower and that I’ll be downstairs in ten, okay?”

“Sure,” Fionn said, hesitating on the threshold of my bedroom as he opened the door. “Hey, Iana?” he asked, turning around.

“Yeah?” I asked, holding my towel by this point.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling at me. “For the talk. I needed it.”

I nodded at him. “No problem,” I said.

“Love you,” he said, grinning at me again before he slipped through my bedroom door and shut it behind him.

. . .

I dropped off Hailey at daycare without incident and headed straight for Patsy’s, becoming annoyed when I got stuck behind a particularly large truck, in a traffic line. I drummed my fingertips upon my steering wheel, becoming momentarily jarred when my cell phone went off, and, thinking it could be Hailey’s daycare, didn’t bother checking to see who it was before I answered it. “Hello?” I asked, slightly fearful.

“Just me,” said a familiar voice.

“Oh! Aunt Mandy,” I said, my heart rate immediately returning to a regular one. “Sorry. I thought it was Hailey’s daycare.”

Aunt Mandy laughed over the phone. “Sorry, sweetie. Just me.”

“Right,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. “Hold on a sec,” I said, rolling down my window and sticking my head out of it. “Hey, fucker, the light changed green! Step on your fucking gas and move out into the goddamned intersection! Sorry, Aunt Mandy,” I said, pulling my head back inside my car and rolling the window back up, “some fucker in a truck just wants to sit on his fat ass and not drive.”

She howled with laughter. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, it is what it is. Thank you, asshole!” I yelled when he finally moved, and I plowed down hard on my gas pedal to keep heading into work. “Sorry about that… Anyway, what’s going on with you? How was your trip to New York to visit Aunt Fiona and Uncle Jimmy last month? I mean, we’ve barely talked or seen each other since you got back…”

“I know. It was a blast, though. Too bad we had to drive in the heat… I’m so fucking huge at this point. Being over six months pregnant in the summer is fucking brutal… But I get it, Iana, don’t you worry. I mean, you’re so busy with Hailey, and at the diner, and making time for Franny and Penny and your new boy toy,” Aunt Mandy replied. “It’s all good.”

I scoffed into the phone. “Axel is not a boy toy, Aunt Mandy. We’re a couple.”

“Right, right,” she said. “Listen, I wanted to thank you about those pregnancy books you mailed to me the other day.”

“You’re reading them?”

“Of course I am,” she said, and I could just see her now, running her hands along her belly. “My little Ronan needs a mommy who knows exactly what she’s doing…”

“And Uncle Lip is cool that it’s a boy?” I asked.

“Honey, please. This is Lip. He’s just happy to run around and satisfy my cravings. Hey, you still coming by on Sunday?”

“Of course,” I replied. “Mom’s already given me permission to reserve a pie for you. Just get back to me on the flavor.”

“Sorry about my cravings being so haywire,” she apologizes. “Were yours like that?”

I laughed. “My cravings were nutella and roast chicken, and once I decided to keep Hailey, I was in pretty good shape. I walked and worked out whenever I could, so other than the occasional swollen ankles and sore back, I was pretty good.”

“I’m just scared that Ronan will come early…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. We’ll all be there for you.”

“Could you be there, Iana?” she asked then, her voice small. “In the room, with me and Lip? I mean, I’m sure Ian and Mickey’ll be at the hospital, and maybe they could watch Hailey while I’m delivering Ronan…”

“I’ll be wherever you need me to be, Aunt Mandy,” I assured her. “Don’t worry.”

We spoke for another few minutes before hanging up, and I pulled into the alleyway and into the employee parking area, meeting Franny in the employee locker room upon my arrival. I flashed her a smile and headed for my locker, and she stared at me with raised eyebrows as I put away my hoodie and slammed and shut the locker itself. “What?” I asked, turning and looking at her over my shoulder as I redid my ponytail, which Hailey had attempted and nearly succeeded in destroying.

She shrugged. “Nothing. Just looks like you’re getting something.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I leaned back against my locker. “Please. You know me better than that, Franny.”

She grinned. “I know you pretty damn well, Iana. So much so that it looks like you’re actually sleeping well, despite having a child under one.”

I nibbled on my lower lip. “Yeah. So?”

“I also have it on good authority that Axel stays over several nights a week.”

I groaned, rubbing my temples. “Carla tell you that?”

“How would Carla tell me that? She’s too young for a cell phone, or an email account. So, how would she get the information to me?”

“Whatever,” I muttered. “If it wasn’t Carla, who was it?”

Franny grinned. “Uncle Ian and Mick,” she replied.

I put my hands on my hips. “Oh, really?”

“Really,” she said, batting her eyes mockingly at me. “They may have mentioned it to my mom, who told me. She’s pretty happy for you.”

I stuck my tongue out at Franny and rolled my eyes. “Well, how about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, you know, it’s been three months since you found out your boyfriend wasn’t some hot Italian chef, and that he’s a police detective from the South Side,” I said, and Franny looked slightly annoyed at that. “So, how are things with Detective Crowe?” I asked, deliberately putting on a gushy voice.

Franny cleared her throat then, obviously attempting to purge herself of some of the annoyance she felt towards me and my implications. “Fine,” she muttered, turning back to her locker and pretending to go through it. “We have to clean these out today?”

“Tomorrow,” I said, reaching out and catching her arm, causing her to stop and raise her eyes momentarily to the ceiling. “Hey, hey,” I said, gently turning her by the shoulder to face me, brown meeting blue, and stared at her. “Whatever’s going on here, Franny, it’s not like you can’t tell me… Not like it’s confidential or anything, is it?”

Franny sighed. “No. Not confidential.”

“Okay, then,” I said, raising my eyebrows at her, until she finally permitted herself to look fully at me then. “Talk. What’s going on?”

Franny pulled her lower lip into her mouth then, keeping it gripped between her teeth for a moment as she wondered how she was going to say what she clearly needed to say. “Clark asked Ezra and me to move in with him.”

I raised my eyebrows. “To move in with him?”

She nodded. “Yeah…”

 “Okay,” I said, spreading my hands. “Sure, the man didn’t tell you the full truth last summer, or for the vast majority of your relationship, but think about it from his point of view, Franny. He literally couldn’t tell you, for your own protection.”

Franny sighed. “I don’t know. It just feels like the Crowe family thinks that the owe the Gallagher’s something, and I wish I knew what it was.”

I sighed back at her, her eyes meeting mine. “That,” I said quietly.

Franny blinked. “You know what it is?”

“I know what it could be,” I replied, “but I can’t be sure.”

“Tell me,” Franny begged.

I swallowed then, mulling it over for a moment before I stepped closer, so as none of the gossipy waitresses could take the information and run with it. “I heard Mom and Dad talking last summer, one night after I finally got Hailey to sleep. Axel wasn’t there that night so I went downstairs to get a snack, and they were in the kitchen…”

“Yeah? What happened?”

I sighed. “Something about Mason…”

“Yeah? Clark’s dad,” Franny said, nodding. “Clark introduced Ezra and me formally to the family last summer. He told me that Mason and Sarah got back together maybe five or six years ago, but Clark said it hasn’t been the same since he was a kid…”

“It’s because Mason’s not in love with Sarah,” I said quietly, and Franny looked at me like I was on something.

“Then, who’s he in love with?” she asked.

I bit my lip. “My mother,” I said softly. “He made a pass at her while she was working for them to get Tommy imprisoned, and Mason may have tried to kiss her, but refused because he knew she was still in love with my dad, and he’s best friends with my dad, so I guess the whole thing about your best friend’s girl means something…”

“Fuck,” Franny whispered then, shaking her head.

“Hey, girls,” Mom said then, breezing down the hallway from her office, and Franny and I almost immediately became ridgid. “I don’t pay you to stand around,” she went on, giving the pair of us mock-scolding looks. “Let’s get out there.”

“Sure, Mom,” I said, putting my order form in my apron pocket.

“You got it,” Franny replied, doing the same thing.

“Good,” Mom said, nodding to herself as she breezed back into her office, and Franny’s eyes locked with mine in a moment of uneasiness at what I’d just told her.


	2. Taste of Things to Come

“You look exhausted,” mused Axel as he stepped into his bedroom, the following weekend, when we’d finally managed to carve out some time to stay at his place. He crossed over to his bed, where I sat in a tank top and shorts, and climbed right in, his boxers riding up slightly on his toned legs, which made my cheeks heat. His undershirt was from his school, University of Illinois at Chicago, and was frayed slightly, likely due to so many washes. “You doing okay?” he asked, placing his hands on my shoulders and rubbing them, and I leaned back into it, his strong hands working away the knots that had successfully developed there throughout the week. “Talk to me,” he said gently.

“Just a long week,” I said softly, shutting my eyes at the feeling of his fingers digging just rightly into my flesh. “I’m just glad that you’re not pissed that I checked my phone every few minutes while we were watching the movie…”

Axel’s hot breath met my neck then, and I bit my lower lip as he gently kissed me there. “Of course I’m not,” he replied. “Not like we were in a movie theater. And besides, it’s Hailey’s first night away from you.”

“I know that Mom and Dad were cool with watching her, but I still worry…”

“She’s your baby,” Axel said, his thumbs working my shoulders. “I’m not about to complain. I mean, you told me about your obligation to her from the beginning, and I totally understand it, Iana, really. I’m not about to take you away from her. I just thought we could use one night away, but if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll take you home.”

“I know. Thank you,” I said softly. “But they promised to watch her until Sunday afternoon, and it’s only Friday night. I trust them. They’ve modified their schedules for the weekend accordingly, and Pops and Uncle Ian are stepping in for a few hours both days when Dad has to catch up on some case documents, and Mom has to run to the diner. I know she’s still a baby, but this’ll be good practice for the future. Franny says so.”

Axel stops massaging my back then and unexpectedly pulls me closer. “I’m sorry,” he said in the moment of silence that followed. “It’s just… I keep thinking about the trial and everything that’s connected to it…”

I nodded, leaning back and placing my hands on top of his, which were around my shoulders. “I know. I get it, Axel, really. I mean, it’s just… A lot.”

Axel pressed his lips to my forehead. “Guess I’m just scared about everything, you know?” he said, his voice soft.

“No, I don’t know,” I replied, shifting slightly so as I could look into his eyes. “What do you mean? Is everything okay?”

He sighed. “Do you wish we could be more open about our relationship?”

I lowered my eyes, biting my lower lip again. “Sure, I guess I wish we didn’t have to be so careful about who we talk to about it. But part of your job is the whole law enforcement thing. I don’t think the authorities would take too kindly to the knowledge that your girlfriend is not only underage, but has a child by another man…”

Axel scoffed. “They won’t care about the second part. Andy may be a douchebag, but you two were _both_ underage when you hooked up, and no crime was committed there.”

“No crime is being committed here, either,” I replied. “We care about each other, and are in a relationship. Sure, our first time around wasn’t the most logical thing, given the whole sneaking around and conflict of interest aspect to it, not to mention the fact that I was way too young to be acting that way…”

“Still think you’re too young?”

I sighed. “No, not so much now. I’ve had to grow up a lot since I was a kid, and even more so this past year. Even before I decided I wanted to keep Hailey, I knew that the whole decision-making process behind the pregnancy would change my life. Not like going through with the original plan to terminate the pregnancy wouldn’t affect me…”

“What do you think you’d be doing now, if you didn’t hook up with Andy?”

I shrugged. “Probably be preparing to move to Northwestern, to the dorm they assigned me before I told them that I couldn’t attend. Mom said she’d take me shopping for it, so I’d likely be doing a massive load of laundry before loading up the car and heading up there.”

“And if you’d had the abortion?”

I bit my lip. “If I hadn’t gone off the deep end and slipped down into a major depression after the fact, I’d probably still be preparing to go to college…”

Axel reached out then, tracing my thorns and roses tattoo on my left arm. “You have any regrets in your life?”

I smirked, reaching around and gently touching the topmost part of his muscled chest, which sported black wings, which he’d gotten to symbolize his rebellious attitude, plus Cara, flying off to a better place in the event of her death. “I don’t know,” I replied, not really sure of what he meant as I locked my eyes with his. “Do you?”

He sighed. “Maybe the way we started things, and ended them,” he said, deliberately avoiding eye contact with me, although he did stiffen at my touch. “I didn’t treat you right, Iana, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for that.”

I reached my hand upwards then, cupping his cheek and trailing my thumb across his bottom lip, which directly caused him to raise his eyes back to mine. “We didn’t know what we were doing when everything was happening,” I said quietly. “Not that I doubted Cara for a minute, but, for all I knew, Judge Whitmore could’ve turned against my entire family and could’ve found me guilty, and sentenced me to the maximum. I think my reckless behavior partially extended from that, plus the buried feelings and secrets I had in association to Tommy’s past treatment of me. I mean, I’m still not perfect, but once I was able to tap into the full extent of what had been done to me, did the healing truly begin. And both you and Hailey have helped with the healing, more than either of you can know.”

“I want you to know that I heard you, that last day we talked,” he said softly, his breath hot on my hand as I hesitated, close by his lips again. “When you said that you wanted to be there to help me, but couldn’t, given all the bullshit you had to sift through. Look, I get it… This relationship will never seem to be logical or normal in the eyes of most society, but I can tell you that I will be here for you, whatever you need.”

I lean in then, kissing him, tasting him, and almost feeling like I couldn’t ever have enough. “I want to let you know that it constantly feels like you’re telling me goodbye,” I tell him, both my hands on his cheeks by this point. “You don’t need to do that, you know.”

Axel sighed. “Yeah, I do.”

I shook my head at him. “What do you mean? Of course you don’t…”

“No, Iana, you don’t get it,” he said, stiffening again as I settled directly on top of him, and I felt him beginning to rise for the occasion. “You need to understand that I know that this whole thing between us isn’t forever; it can’t be forever. What with the dreams that you want for your life that you still haven’t fully tapped into for the long term, and then there’s me, and my job and the obligation I have to it. Sure, I care about you and Hailey a whole hell of a lot, but there’s our age difference to consider…”

I rolled my eyes. “You know as well as I do that I never gave a fuck about your age, Axel. Hell, I was fourteen when we started doing what we were doing. Now, I’m seventeen, and I know what I want more than ever…”

Axel bit his lip. “You’re at the age where you’re so sure of what you want, Iana. Fuck, I mean, I was positive that I knew what I wanted at your age, but it changed within the next six months, because of the fact that, stereotypically, teenagers are fickle.”

I scoffed. “I’m not most teenagers, Axel,” I told him, my voice firm as I stared into his eyes. “I mean, I know you know that. You must know that…”

“I know, Iana, I know that. Of course I know that. But you also need to understand that I might not be what’s best…”

“For me?!” I demanded, staring at him, open-mouthed. “Just because I’m seventeen and you’re almost thirty, does not mean that you’re not what’s best for me.”

“I meant for Hailey,” Axel said, gently putting his hands on my shoulders. “Look, I’m not saying I don’t care about her or you. I do; I really do. And I’m not trying to let you down easy, Iana, because I do want to be with you. I’m just letting you know that I would never want to force you into anything you didn’t want.”

“Maybe you just don’t give yourself enough credit,” I replied steadily then, smiling down at him as I allowed myself to position myself in a way that there would be no getting out of bed for the time being. “Because, from where I’m sitting, you’re what’s best for me _and_ Hailey, and I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him, leaning down to kiss him again.

. . .

I surprised Axel with breakfast in bed the following morning, which seemed to surprise him greatly, and I left him to it whilst I cleaned up the kitchen. He caught me when I was scrubbing the final pan, which I’d cooked his omelet in that morning, and put his plate and silverware into the dishwasher, before coming up behind me and encircling his arms around my waist. I leaned into him slightly as I continued washing the pan, and placed it into his drying rack, washing my hands before I turned around to face him.

“Hey,” I said, standing on my toes and kissing him. “Enjoy your breakfast?”

“Of course I enjoyed it. You’re an amazing cook, Iana.”

I sighed. “Had to learn how when I was five,” I said with a little shrug; despite Axel knowing pretty much everything there was to know about my past, it was still difficult to talk about. “I never stopped learning how, though. I still watch cooking videos and study recipes every chance I get; breaks from work, after Hailey goes to bed…”

He tightened his grip on me. “I’m so sorry you had to do it alone.”

I shook my head. “Don’t be. My aunt, Fiona, had to go through it by herself, too, with two brothers originally, but then she had two more siblings to take care of after that. Thankfully, Mom waited to have Carla and Charlie until _after_ we were all back home…”

Axel mulled that over for a moment, his dark brows coming together at that. “You said that your aunt raised her five younger siblings…”

I nodded. “Yeah. That’s right.”

“But, she’s got six…”

“Oh, that,” I said. “It’s a long story,” I said softly.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Wanna talk about it?”

I shrugged. “Not really.”

“Fair enough,” he replied. “So, what have you been thinking of doing, long term? I mean, a waitressing gig at your mom’s restaurant is all well and good, but sooner or later you’ll want to move out with Hailey…”

I sighed. “I know. I mean… I’ve been re-thinking about college…”

“Yeah?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, it’s a wonderful opportunity. I think I’d be great at it.”

“Of course you would be great, Iana,” Axel said with a grin. “Still thinking about majoring in business, though?”

I grinned up at him. “In some respect,” I replied, pulling Axel with me back towards the bedroom, and into his en suite bathroom, and kicking the door shut with my heel. I did my best to keep my eyes glued to the tile floor as I mechanically reached out and lifted the oversized college T-shirt off him, so that he stood there, only clad in his boxers.

Axel sighed, reaching out and stroking my neck and collar bone with his hands. “You know, you don’t have to do that, Iana…”

I swept my lashes upwards then, my eyes meeting his. “Do what?” I asked.

“Try to distract me with sex,” he replied simply.

I bit my lip and shook my head. “I wasn’t…”

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice gentle then as his palms moved back down to my shoulders. “I know the way we think. We’re survivors, Iana, and it’s fucking hard to be one and still go on in your day-to-day life, but, somehow, we manage to do it…”

I sighed, putting my forehead against his chest, hating it when the hot tears escaped from my eyes before I could call them back. “It is fucking hard,” I whispered. “My family’s full of us, survivors, and I never bring it up with them, because…”

“You don’t want them to relive what you’re forced to,” he said softly. “Triggers can be anything; a sound, a smell, an emotion, an event… Doesn’t matter. The point is, we could relive what happened to us a thousand different times in one day, or just once, or not at all. The hardest part is, once you bring it up to another person, confiding in them, you may learn their story at the same time, or it’ll just be a trigger for them…”

“I just wish I knew why he got off on the power of…” I said, my voice breaking then, and I found that I couldn’t say it.

“He’s sick,” Axel replied. “I know that all the experts say that… What fucking sucks about the system is that, the higher-up you are, the less likely it is that you’ll get somebody who believes that it really happened…”

“Yeah, but I know what happened,” I tell him, raising my eyes back to his. “I know exactly what happened, and I believe you.”

He smiled. “Thanks. I’m glad I have you.”

“Of course you have me,” I replied. “I love you. You know that.”

Axel leaned down then and brushed his lips with mine. “I love you, too, Iana.”

“Now, come on,” I said, smiling at him then and gently pulling him. “Let’s take a shower so we don’t smell like eggs all day. Okay?”

“And miss a chance to see you with water dripping off your perfect skin?” Axel asked, and I felt a giggle escaping my lips. “Can’t pass that up.”

“Oh, you’ll see it,” I assured him, breaking away from him and pulling the nozzle of the shower and adjusting it to an appropriate temperature. “We still have another full day and night together before I have to get back to Hailey, and I want you to take as much advantage of our time together as you possibly can.”

“Take advantage of our time together, huh?” Axel asked, turning me around then and easily the tank top off from the top half of my body, and letting it fall to the ground before he looped his fingers into my shorts. “You mean like this?” he wanted to know, yanking down my shorts and pressing my back up against the cold wall of the bathroom.

I laughed then, placing my hand on his chest then and pushing him across the bathroom, to the pound where I had him pinned back against the opposite wall. “Maybe something like that, Mr. Richland, yeah,” I said, grinning up at him.

Axel stiffened at that then, and promptly yanked down my panties, and I reached out and did the same to his boxer shorts. “Come on, then,” he said, lifting me up effortlessly and putting me into the shower, and I squealed as he set me down then, climbing in right after me, so that the water quickly drenched us both. “The things you make me do, Iana,” he joked, turning me around then and lathering up his bar of soap in his hands, before he painstakingly rubbed and scrubbed my back with them. “I’ve never been like this with anyone…”

“Hmmm,” I said by way of response, quickly maneuvering my raven mane down my front, so as it wouldn’t get caked in body wash. “Can’t say I’ve ever been this way with anyone, either. Not really my style…”

“Glad I could change that,” Axel replied steadily, turning me around after he finished washing my back, and making sure that all the soap was washed away.

I took the bar of soap next and turned him around, soaping him up carefully, so as not to potentially frighten him. “You’re different,” I said quietly, the soap bubbles on the surface of his skin making me smirk. “Can’t say I ever met anyone like you before…”

“You happy, though?” he asked, looking over his shoulder at me. “You know I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do.”

I smiled at him then, slowly leaning forward and kissing his cheek. “Of course I’m happy,” I told him then, meaning it. “You haven’t given me any reason for being unhappy.”

“Not at the moment,” he said, sighing then, gently switching places with me to get the soap off from his back.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Look, I know that we’ve made up for it, but I’m still kicking myself about that Christmas,” he said quietly then, wetting his hair beneath the shower head and squirting some shampoo into his outstretched hand.

I shook my head. “No reason to, Axel. Like you said, we’ve made up for it. It’s in the past, and I’ve forgiven you.”

He sighed. “You may have forgiven me, Iana, and I appreciate that, but that doesn’t mean that I have to forgive myself.”

I swallowed then, stepping forward and standing on my toes, whereupon I took his face into my hands and pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m not saying you have to forgive yourself today, Axel, or even tomorrow. But you’ve got to forgive yourself, because, the sooner you do, the sooner you can move on,” I told him, my voice firm.

. . .

It was quite a surprise to me that evening when Axel told me that he got the two of us reservations at an upscale restaurant known for steak. Thankfully, I’d packed something that I considered suitable in my overnight bag, which just so happened to be a little black dress. I put it on quickly, running my hands over the smooth material before I slipped on my black, patent leather pumps and clipped on my heart locket studded with diamonds, which I wore pretty much every single day. I next went to the bathroom, doing my hair, which mainly consisted of just brushing it so it looked all right to be seen in public, and my makeup, in which I highlighted my eyes and lips so that I appeared over eighteen in public, for Axel’s sake.

I beamed at Axel as I clutched my matching clutch purse and took his offered arm; he looked absolutely delicious that evening in a white, collared shirt, black blazer, matching black pants, and black dress shoes. “You look nice tonight,” I said as we headed downstairs and towards Axel’s black, two-door Lexus RC, his pride and joy, and grinned as Axel opened the passenger door for me and let me inside.

Axel shut my door and circled around the car, getting into the driver’s side and fastening his seatbelt, and I copied his movements. “So, do you,” he said, fishing his keys out of his pocket and starting the car. “Nice locket.”

“This?” I asked, looking down at it. “I always wear it, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, pulling out of his parking space and driving down the road. “It’s really nice, though.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Your pops buy that for you?”

I shook my head. “You kidding? Him and Uncle Ian don’t have that kind of money. There are real diamonds on this thing.”

“You serious?” Axel asked, peering closer at it as we came to the first stoplight.

“They’re put on tastefully,” I told him with a little shrug.

“So, your Mom and Nicholas get you that?”

I shook my head again. “No, it wasn’t from them either.”

“I see,” Axel replied, stepping on the gas just before we drove through the intersection, after the light changed. “So… Who got it for you?”

I sighed. “I’m actually not sure,” I admitted, fingering it for a moment as we kept on driving. “I have a guess, but I still don’t know.”

“What’s the guess, then?”

“I thought it was from an assistant of Penny’s,” I told him. “Her name is Cherie. Nice lady. Just got engaged last summer to her long term boyfriend. Rose, Penny’s mother, told me that Cherie buys gifts for anyone in the family or close to the family.”

“You’re considered close?”

“Well, you know as well as I do that I’m Penny’s best friend,” I said. “And Rose considers me to be the second daughter she never had. We saw a lot of them this summer…”

Axel nodded. “I know. I remember.”

I sighed. “Is this about Liam?” I asked.

Axel muttered something incoherent then as we pulled into the lot adjoining the restaurant; I got out myself, as he was being difficult and wasn’t being upfront with me. Nevertheless, he took my hand as we stepped into the restaurant. “Two under Richland,” he said to the hostess.

“Oh, of course, Mr. Richland,” he said, with a cursory glance at me before gathering up a couple of menus. “Your booth in the back is all prepared for you.”

I remained silent as we walked towards the booth, hearing the chatter of the two-dozen or so conversations going on around us as we drifted through the dining room. Finally, we reached the booth and I sat down, Axel doing the same; it was one of those circular booths, and was semi-private, given the high walls on either side to accommodate the back cushions. I smiled and thanked the hostess as she handed over our menus and told us that a waiter would be with us shortly before she breezed back to the front.

“You know, I don’t want you to worry,” I said quietly to Axel, as I did my best to focus on my menu, and wonder who in their right mind through that pate and fig jam went together. “My relationship with the Kennedy family is strictly platonic.”

Axel sighed, leaning back against the cushions as he mulled it over. “I know that, Iana. I know it is, at least from your end.”

Slowly, I lowered my menu. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His brows knitted together then. “I don’t know. Something about the way Penny’s brother looks at you…”

“You mean Liam?”

“Yeah… Liam. The way he looks at you, like he wants to say something, but doesn’t have to balls to cough it up.”

“You know our history,” I explained gently. “I told you as much when we got back together. I wanted to begin again in an honest manner with you, Axel. Clean slate, no secrets. I think I more than upheld my end of the bargain.”

“I know, and you have,” Axel said quickly. “It just… I don’t know. The whole thing makes me a little uneasy and, quite frankly, uncomfortable.”

“You don’t have to be,” I assured him, reaching out and putting my hand on top of his. “I’m promising you, here and now, that Liam and I are just friends, just like Penny and me are. And besides, all the Kennedy’s love Hailey.”

“I know, and I trust you, Iana,” he said, raising his eyes to mine. “Really. I trust you. It’s just hard because it’s like Liam’s your ex.”

I sighed. “He’s not my ex. He never was. We just hooked up a handful of times. And that’s all it was, Axel. Hooking up. I promise.”

He nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll drop it.”

I nodded back at him. “Good idea.”

“So, listen,” he said, smiling at me, “I’ll admit, I had ulterior motives for coming here tonight…”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh, did you?”

He grinned. “Yeah, I did. I wanted us to discuss, in the future, about you and I potentially moving in together,” he said, and I felt my jaw almost hit the table.

. . .

Heading back into work on Monday after a physically draining weekend was near-torture, but I somehow managed to do it. After getting back home on Sunday, Hailey was overwhelmed with happiness to see me again, and we spent the next several hours catching up, as much as one could with a nearly-eight-month-old, before she fell asleep at the appointed hour. The following morning, I dropped her off at daycare and headed into work, meeting Franny in the employee locker room.

“Hey,” I said, accepting her hug.

“Hey yourself,” she said, flashing me a smile. “You okay? You look like a wreck…”

I laughed, rolling my shoulders. “Spent most of the weekend with Axel, as you know. Let’s just say I’m pretty beat.”

Franny raised her eyebrows. “Got it, you’re having sex,” she said, watching me as I loaded up my locker, and as she tied her apron in place. “Don’t get too comfortable before the shift.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “Why?”

“Your mom wants to see us in her office before we start.”

“Great,” I muttered, sitting down on the bench before placing my head in my hands and massaging my temples. “Just what I need this morning…”

“How was your homecoming?”

I scoffed. “She wanted to know every little detail,” I muttered into my hands. “She did some of my laundry when I was gone and she noticed one of my dresses was missing.”

“Well, she _would_ notice something like that,” Franny put in as I raised my eyes to hers. “Face it, Iana, you have lots of beautiful dresses that you never fucking wear.”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “They’re just not practical,” I said, throwing up my hands in the air in a moment of exasperation. “Pardon me if I like tank tops and shorts more…”

Franny smirked at me. “You wear them to sleep in, to work when the weather permits, and to events and outings,” she said. “Face it, Iana, you’re just not the girly type.”

“Not entirely,” I huffed, getting to my feet and making a grab for my apron. “Just like dressing comfortably. Sue me.”

Franny laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulders after we’d slammed our lockers and made our way down to my mother’s office. “Just breathe,” she told me, squeezing my shoulder in encouragement. “It can’t be that bad. Besides, I’ll back you up, no matter what.”

I nodded. “Back at ya,” I replied, knocking on her office door.

“Come in!” she called.

I stepped inside with Franny then, leaning up against her in support. “Okay, we’re here,” I said, looking at my mother, who stood up from her desk.

“Good morning, Aunt Murphy,” Franny said, and I could’ve kicked her for how sickly-sweet she managed to sound.

She laughed. “Well, Franny, first of all, I want to commend you on how you handled that difficult customer last week,” she said.

“The one with the fish sandwich?” she asked.

Mom nodded. “Yeah. We took it off the menu; couldn’t stand the smell of it myself,” she joked, and Franny laughed. “And I also wanted to tell you that yesterday was Leanne’s last day on the job.”

“Leanne’s gone?” I asked, naming the woman who was the manager from the time I was a little girl, when Mom had inherited the place from Aunt Fiona.

“Yeah, Leanne decided to move on,” Mom replied.

“We’ll all miss her,” Franny put in.

“Of course we will,” Mom said. “But, now, Franny, I wanted to take this opportunity to offer you the job as manager.”

Franny blinked. “Me, Aunt Murphy?”

“Of course,” she said with a smile. “I gave you the assistant manager position when you were sixteen, and you took to it immediately. I think that you’d make a fine replacement for Leanne, if I do say so myself.”

Franny gasped. “You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Mom said with a laugh. “You’ll be making four dollars more an hour, plus have paid vacation, overtime, and time and a half, the first one being only available to the manager and the owner. Sometimes, you’ll be in charge, as I’m helping Nicholas more at the firm these days, but I’ll let you know. You’ve had your own key since you were promoted last time around, so that’s done. You’ll also be in charge of going over the order forms, and making sure that we’ve got specific things in stock, which you will present to me, and I’ll do the ordering myself, of course. Let me know if certain things aren’t moving in the kitchen—a certain spice or a specific product—and we’ll determine whether or not it needs to be ordered again. You’re also welcome to recommend changes to the menu, of course…” Mom ticked off the things she’d just said in her head, before she nodded to herself. “Any questions?”

Franny shook her head. “Oh. Wait. One. When do I start?”

“Today,” Mom replied.

“I’ll take the job!” Franny cried out then, shaking Mom’s hand. “Should I head out there right now, or do you want me to stay?”

“Go ahead,” Mom replied. “I’ll make the announcement when I finish with Iana.”

“Thanks, Aunt Murphy!” Franny said, and skipped out of there, literally on cloud nine.

“As for you, Iana,” Mom said, turning to me, “I’d really like you to take over Franny’s job as assistant manager.”

I swallowed then. “Really?”

“Really,” Mom said, smiling.

I shuffled from one foot to the other. “Look, I really could use the money, given that I’ve got Hailey now,” I said, “and don’t think I’m not grateful, but…”

“But what, Iana?”

“I don’t want you giving me the job just because I’m your daughter,” I replied.

She nodded. “I understand that. And I’m not. I’m giving you the job because I think you’d do a damn good job of it, and Patsy’s deserves a damn good assistant manager.” She hesitated for a moment before she spoke again. “I’m not offering you the job because you’re my daughter, or whatever. I’m giving you the job because you’re you.”

I scoffed then, but found I was smiling. “Okay, but don’t ever fucking say something like that again. You sound like fucking a Hallmark card.”

Mom put her hands on her hips. “You talking to me like a mother or like a boss?”

I threw my head back and laughed. “Does it matter?”

Mom joined in my laugher. “No, I guess it doesn’t, because even I thought I sounded like a goddamned card,” she said, yanking me into her arms and hugging me, as we tried to keep each other standing, but we were laughing too hard to care.


	3. Trouble is a Friend

Axel apologized to me about the following weekend, as we would be unable to have any time together, because he was covering a shift at the prison. I told him that it was fine, as Mom was handing the reins to Franny for the weekend to test her out as the new manager, while she and I took the next few days off, after leaving just before the dinner shift on Friday. Dad had surprised the kids (and me, although I declined, as I had to take care of Hailey, and it wouldn’t have been much fun for her at this stage anyway) with a trip to Six Flags, about an hour away from home, and would be there for the entire weekend with them. This meant that Mom and I had the entire weekend to ourselves, with Hailey, which was just as well, for even though we’d been getting on so well, I knew that there were still things that we needed to discuss.

“She fall asleep okay?” Mom asked as I came into the living room shortly after eight o’clock that evening, after feeding and changing Hailey, before putting her to bed. “You were up there for a while. Did she not settle?”

“Not right away,” I said, shrugging a little as I climbed onto the couch, placing the video baby monitor on the coffee table, making sure I could see the feed from where I’m sitting. “How are the order forms going?” I asked.

“Lots of guesswork to be done,” she said, shrugging. “Now that it’s almost winter, if we want certain things to be ordered, we’d have to ship way far out to get them.”

“Do we not have enough?”

“Not really,” she said, dragging a hand across her face. “I mean, your father always says that he’ll happily help me out, but I don’t want to ask for handouts. It’s not who I am.”

I nodded. “I can respect that.”

Mom flashed me a smile then, turning back to the paperwork. “I’ll only be a few more minutes, sweetie,” she said gently, and I nodded, taking out my phone and answering some texts from Franny, Pops, and Uncle Ian.

I smirked as I read Franny’s texts, about how she and Clark were playfully fighting over what to paint which room of the new house they’d bought over the summer, on the other side of Uncle Kev and V’s. It was pleasant that Franny lived just across the street from us, and I told her to put the argument aside for now, as she was supposed to be closing up the restaurant. As for Pops and Uncle Ian, they wanted to know that since I wouldn’t be seeing Axel this weekend, if I’d come over at some point and bring Hailey. I told them I’d definitely come by, and kept the door open for Mom to join us in the visit.

“Okay, that’s done,” Mom said, and I put my phone back into my pocket as she set down the file folder onto the table. “So, what’s new?”

I sighed, biting my lower lip. “It’s complicated.”

“Yeah?” she asked, adjusting herself so that her back was against the right arm of the couch, and that she could stare at me. “How do you mean?”

“Well, you know that Franny and Clark bought the house next door to Uncle Kev and V, and they’ve been living together, with Ezra, since the Fourth of July?”

Mom nodded. “Of course I do,” she said, smiling. “Debbie was a little shocked at how quickly Clark moved, especially after the layer of deception in their relationship, but I told Debbie that she should let Franny make the choice, and to be supportive. Thankfully, Fiona stepped in and talked to her, too, and Lip, and Ian, and even Mandy. Debs still respects the hell outta Mandy, even all these years later…”

I nodded. “I’ve noticed,” I said quietly.

“So, what’s so complicated about that?” Mom wanted to know, gathering up her copper hair and allowing her neck to be exposed, so as some cooler air could drift onto it. “So, they’re living together after less than a year of dating. I’m not going to judge.”

“It’s not just about them living together, or even about them living together at all,” I said, knowing I had to cough it up. “It’s the thing Franny says about whenever she and Ezra go over to the Crowe house for dinner…”

“Yeah? Are Mason and Sarah not welcoming them or something? Or just being welcoming enough when Clark’s in the room, and turn into raving monsters when he’s not?”

I shook my head. “No. By all accounts, Mason and Sarah have welcomed Franny and Ezra with open arms. Hell, when I came with them that time last summer, they were just as nice to me and to Hailey. It was amazing.”

Mom smiled ruefully. “Maybe it’s just my in-laws that are fucking dicks,” she muttered, but then raised her eyes back to mine. “Okay, so if it’s not them living together, or the way that Mason and Sarah are treating Franny and Ezra, then what’s so complicated?”

“It’s something Franny said, about Mason and Sarah,” I said, knowing that I had to approach the subject in a tentative manner.

“They say or do something?”

“Kind of,” I replied. “They don’t seem… I don’t know the right word for it. Close, I guess? It just seemed, to Franny, at least, that when they think no one is looking, they give each other weird looks, and she says she thinks they don’t seem happy.”

“Of course she wouldn’t bring this up with them,” Mom said quietly, thinking to herself. “Her relationship with Clark is still so new, given that he’s being honest with her now, so she likely hasn’t known them for very long yet…”

“She met them in the hospital, when Clark’s unit told him to go in and get checked out, after the shooting at Patsy’s,” I said softly, amazed that I could be so calm when talking about it. “She said they were nice, and really happy to meet her, but there seemed to be something unspoken between them.”

“She ask Clark about it?”

“She said that Clark said that they got back together, after being separated for a couple of years about ten years back,” I said quietly. “She said that Clark implied, and later came straight out with it, that they only got back together for him, his two younger sisters Jennifer and Melanie, and his brother, Joey. It seems as if they never got back on the same page, even though they agreed to get back together for the same reason,” I said softly.

My mother hesitates for a moment, allowing her eyes to meet mine before she lowers them again, and she knows she is backed into a corner, her body language fitting mine to a T whenever the roles are reversed. “I think you’re not telling me something here, sweetie. I mean, it’s obvious you know more than you’re letting on…”

“That’s true,” I said, and she nodded, looking back up at me, her eyes pleading with me to say whatever I wanted to say, and there wouldn’t be any consequences. “Look, I’m just going by what Franny said here, and I told her my assumptions, of course…”

“Of course,” Mom said quickly, a small smile encroaching her lips. “Franny’s been your best friend since you two were kids. I totally get it.”

“I know about you and Mason,” I said then, forcing the words out of my mouth before I could chicken out or call them back. “I know that he was the cop in charge of locking Tommy up, and you allowed yourself to be his puppet. I also know that there may have been something between you, because I heard you and Dad talking about it…”

She sighed. “We had a moment, one,” she admitted.

“You did?” I asked, the disappointment leaking into my tone, for I’d been hoping beyond anything that it was just my imagination getting the better of me.

“Yeah, when I beat Tommy unconscious, and he ended up in the hospital,” she said softly, and I straightened then, nearly sitting bolt upright at this new information. “Come on,” she said, easily reading my bodily reaction to her words. “I must’ve told you—”

“No,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “I know about the times he put you into the hospital, based on what Uncle Ian told me…”

“Of course Uncle Ian knows… He’s my best friend,” Mom said ruefully as she put her head into her left palm. “But yeah, I lost control one night in the whole weak woman act that Mason and I came up with. It’s really not me,” she said quietly, and instinctively wrapped her arms around herself, and, for the first time, I truly realized just how haunted she was by that portion of her life, no matter how many years had gone by.

“We don’t have to talk about it, Mom…”

She raised her eyes to mine. “No, that’s okay. I’m okay, sweetie,” she assured me then, reaching out and clasping her hand in mine for a moment, before backing off and giving me space. “It was a cold night, and all I could think of was Tommy’s rage when I came inside. And, believe me, he was beyond angry the night it happened. Something triggered me…”

“You’ve got a trigger?” I asked.

She nodded. “I think a lot of survivors do.”

“What’s your trigger?”

“The clink of a metal belt opening, or hitting up against something hard,” she said quietly. “It just sends me back to Dr. Normal, beating me, when he found me with Jessica,” she went on, and I felt the shudder rippling through me; this story I knew. “Do you have a trigger?” she asked me then, not wanting to keep me out of this part of the conversation.

I nodded. “Of course.”

“What is it?” she asked softly.

“It’s like Pops’s, I guess,” I said then, hunching my shoulders slightly, knowing that I did it to appear as small as possible. “I hate being touched when I’m not prepared for it… At that party that I got the boys from, when Clayton passed out drunk and I had to get them out of there, the guy who was hosting had his best friend there…”

“He get rough with you?” Mom wanted to know.

I shook my head. “Didn’t get a chance to,” I replied. “But I didn’t want him to touch me. I could see that he was going to, so I grabbed him by the arm and twisted it around his back, before I slammed him up against the wall.”

“You say anything to him?”

I smirked. “Told him he would be taking a little trip down the stairs if he didn’t leave me alone that night,” I told her. “Fucking pussy made a run for it.”

“That’s my girl,” Mom said quietly.

“So, Tommy triggered you that night?” I asked, wanting to get back to her story.

She nodded. “Yeah, he did. The second I heard that belt clink, I knew I had to fight back, because I didn’t want to be raped that night. I knocked him out, somehow,” she said, shaking her head. “I think Mason has the footage in evidence somewhere, but I made your father promise that we’d never look at it.”

“Smart,” I said.

“Yeah,” she said, shuddering. “I called 9-1-1, and he was taken in. I lied, said he got drunk and wanted sex, but he tripped and fell into a table.”

“Was he drunk?”

“According to the doctors, Tommy had over twice the legal blood-alcohol limit,” Mom explained, relief spreading through her entire body. “I needed some air before we got word, though, and told Mason I was heading outside…”

“He come with you?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Some of his men were watching Tommy’s room, so we’d be the first to know if he woke up.”

“What happened outside?”

“It was so cold, we could see each other’s breath,” she said. “I lit up a cigarette, to distract myself… I told him not to judge me,” she went on. “He and I got into it, though, after he told me that he needed to get me out, because he couldn’t guarantee my safety. All I saw in that moment was him taking away the one chance I had to clear Nicholas’s name and, even though I knew I was risking my life, I didn’t care. I figured I owed Nicholas, because he’d saved my life plenty of times before that, and it was my turn to save his.”

“And then?”

“Mason almost kissed me,” she said, drawing her knees towards her chest. “I just remembered staring at him, wondering what possessed him to do that. He said he and Sarah had separated, so I initially thought he was taking that hard, plus the fact that Nicholas is his best friend and was on the run from the law…”

“He said something, didn’t he?” I whispered.

Mom’s eyes locked with mine. “Yeah, he did. He made it clear that he had feelings for me, but that he wouldn’t do anything, because he knew I still loved Nicholas, and he wouldn’t hurt Nicholas by going after ‘his girl’, as he called me. He called me Nicholas’s girl,” she said, and dashed the tears from her eyes as she struggled to keep her voice in check. “Even though I thought there was no way in hell that he’d want me back, because for all he knew, I’d fallen hard for Tommy, and wanted him…”

“You didn’t, we know that,” I said softly, and her eyes locked to mine. “It was plain to see just how abusive he was.”

“Fuck,” she whispered, putting her face into her hands. “Sometimes I forget, you know, that he did to you what he did to me,” she said, shaking her head as her body quaked with her sobs. “I wish you’d told me, but I can understand why you didn’t…”

I reached out then, bringing her hands down from her face, and waited for her to look up at me and, when she did, I spoke. “Look, I want you to understand something here,” I told her, my voice as firm as I could make it. “I don’t blame you for what happened. It was so easy to blame you before, but that was before I knew the extent of what Tommy was capable of. When I remembered all that he did to me, starting upstairs in my bedroom, and ending on the living room floor of the house across the street…” I shook my head. “It wasn’t just once, or twice. It was dozens of times; it was usually when you were at AA, because he could lie to you and say that he was working late. Uncle Ian usually worked doubles on Friday night back then, so I’d put the boys to bed… Floorboards,” I whispered, feeling the tears pricking at the backs of my eyes as I looked up at her again. “That’s the thing, my trigger—it’s floorboards, when they creak. That sets me off. It sets me off because part of my mind becomes convinced that I’m five-years-old again, and that Tommy’s lurking in the darkness, waiting for me to come to him, and waiting to do god knows what to me… He did so much,” I whispered then, feeling my breath escaping my lungs when my mother made a grab for me then, and I threw my arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder. “I stopped telling him to stop, because I knew it wouldn’t do any good,” I went on, as my mother ran her hand down my back, just letting me speak. “He was bigger and stronger than me, and could hurt me in more ways than one… I just wanted it to stop, that’s all I wanted, and I wanted someone to save me, but he knew all our schedules so well that there was no one to come and save me, until you turned him and all his friends in,” I said softly, and my mother turned me loose then, pulling me back and staring into my eyes. “You think you only saved one life here, Mom, but that’s not true. You saved two—mine and Dad’s. If it weren’t for you, who knows how long this would’ve gone all? All of this…”

She smiled sadly then, gently wiping my tears. “I still wish I would’ve known,” she said softly then, and shook her head. “Maybe if I just seemed more receptive, then maybe Tommy wouldn’t have…”

“Mom, we can’t know that,” I said. “He’s a predator, and if it wasn’t me, it would’ve been another kid, and I don’t wish that on anyone.”

Mom bit her lip before she nodded at that, knowing I was right. “So, Axel,” she said then, and caught a rogue tear that escaped my eye. “He seems like a good one.”

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s great.”

“I’m glad,” she said, although her tone was skeptical.

I blinked. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not the age difference, I promise, although your father’s still warming up to the idea,” she said, and we shared a smile. “It’s just…”

“What?”

“Well, this may be me overreacting or something, but I just have to say, sweetheart, that it doesn’t seem like you’re in love with him.”

I sighed. “Look, you know about us sneaking around during the trial…”

“Yeah, and I certainly don’t approve of that,” she put in.

“So, what’s the issue here?” I asked. “If it’s not the age difference…”

“It doesn’t seem like you love him,” Mom said quickly then, and I raised my eyebrows. “Look, I know love when I see it, and to have love, you need chemistry. There’s attraction between the two of you, for sure, plus respect, and he’s great with Hailey, but…”

“But what? He’s my boyfriend,” I said, cocking my head to one side here. “Are you saying I don’t love my own boyfriend?”

She sighed. “Yeah, honey, I think that’s exactly what I’m saying,” she replied. “When you’re with Liam, however…”

“Oh, god, not you, too,” I said.

She blinked. “What?”

“Axel said something about that last weekend,” I said, throwing myself dramatically backwards onto the couch.

“Yeah? What’d he say?”

“He made it seem like there was something between us, even though there isn’t…”

“Were you upfront with him about your guys’s past?”

“Jesus,” I muttered, straightening up again and pulling a face. “Of course I was.”

“Well, then there’s not a lot you can do, other than stroking his ego,” Mom said with a little shrug of her shoulders. “Men love that.”

I made a disgusted expression. “What a lovely sentiment, Mother.”

She laughed. “Sorry, sweetie, but that’s just how I feel about the situation. I think you’d be much happier if you just admitted to yourself that Liam’s who you’re meant to be with. I tried to force myself to be with Josh and look where that got me—a bullet to the kidney. All I know is, maybe if I’d wised up sooner and was actually accepting of my feelings for Nicholas, and vice versa, we could’ve been a lot happier a lot sooner.”

I sighed. “I know what I’m doing, with Axel,” I said quietly.

My mother nodded. “I know you do, sweetheart. And, I trust you,” she assured me. “Just, be careful, sweetie, and that you two know that you’re on the same page, in whatever this is that you’ve got going on between you, ” she went on, getting to her feet and making her way into the kitchen. “That’s all I ask,” she said quietly.

. . .

“How was your guys’s day today?”

I shrugged, kissing Hailey one last time before putting her into her crib, before I crossed over and got into my own bed next to Axel. “It was fine,” I replied. “Mom and Franny took charge of the diner today, so I had the day off.”

“You pull Hailey out of daycare?”

I grinned at him. “Of course. We had a wonderful day. Went to the park, and then to the grocery store to pick up the steaks that Dad grilled tonight.”

“She seem to like the park?”

I shrugged, switching off the lamp on my bedside table. “Not much she can do there yet,” I replied, lying on my back and watching as Axel switched off his. “I could push her in the stroller and carry her down the trails. Not like she can walk… She did seem to like the baby swings, though,” I said, smiling to myself.

“Yeah?” Axel asked, grinned.

I nodded. “The swings were always my favorite… I used to imagine myself flying far above the trees and getting away from here…”

“You still think that way?”

I turned and looked over at him. “Not much now,” I said, smiling and leaning in to kiss him. “I mean, I’ve got Hailey, and you, and Pops, and my mom and I are actually talking and listening to each other now. It’s fantastic.”

Axel reached out then, putting his hands on top of mine. “You do have me,” he said.

I found a slow smile coming to my lips. “I know,” I told him, leaning in and kissing him again. “I know, Axel. And you’ve got me, too.”

Axel smiled in the darkness. “I’m glad.”

I leaned forward then, not one usually to ask massive favors, but also wanting to know if Axel could even help me with this. “You told me that Cara put you and Lawrence in charge of her affairs, after the… Incident,” I said quietly, not wanting to upset him.

Axel nodded. “Yeah, I said that.”

I raised my eyes to his then, hoping that he could gauge from my voice that I was not begging here, but also knowing that I needed to solve the mystery literally handed to me almost three years before. “You also said that there was a letter…”

“Yeah, she wrote you a letter,” Axel said, switching on the light again, and I knew he wanted to look in my eyes as we talked, which I could respect. “It also came with instructions, for you to open it when you turned eighteen, or in the event of her death. Whatever you were comfortable with, or whatever came first.”

I bit my lip. “I want to read it.”

Axel raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“Look, I know I said I didn’t before, and this whole mixed signals thing in a relationship is enough to drive anyone crazy,” I told him, chewing on my bottom lip. “But, the truth is, I’m not the same person I was when Cara wrote the letter, or when I first knew about it. I’m constantly evolving into a better version of myself, for Hailey’s sake, and I know that I need to read that letter, Axel, or else I’m gonna explode…”

Axel nodded, shoving the blankets out of the way and getting up.

“What are you doing?” I hissed at him. “Hailey’s asleep!”

“Keep your panties on, Milkovich,” he replied, and I stuck my tongue out at him, and was nearly laughing aloud when he flipped me off in response. He crossed over to his black, nondescript duffel bag, which he always had with him whenever he spent the night here, and unzipped one of the outer flaps. He then bent down and pulled something out, and I was shocked to see a letter in nearly pristine condition, which he brought towards me and climbed back into my bed. “Sooner or later, I was gonna try and force you into it,” he said.

Immediately, I grabbed the letter, thanking him as I ripped open the seal, staring at the wavy and loopy cursive that was Cara’s handwriting. I gasped a little then as I read the words, scanning them over and over again, just to make sure my brain didn’t inadvertently read something wrong that she’d written. I shook my head at the notion that Cara always believed in my innocence from the very beginning, as well as the information she still had for me.

“Axel…” I said quietly.

“Care to share?” he asked.

I bit my lip, finishing up with the reading and promptly folded it up, putting it back into its envelope and putting the letter into my bedside table. “Cara said she’d found some information on my half-brother, Yevgeny,” I told him. “She told me during the trial, but so much was going on at the time. My relationship with my mother was just steller, I hadn’t told anyone about the miscarriage, and then there was the notion that the Monroe family had a personal vendetta against me, to either see me dead or locked up…”

“And you’re wondering if Cara’s still got the paperwork?”

I nodded, looking up at him. “Yeah, I’m still wondering…”

Axel responded to my nod with one of his own. “Lawrence kept her home office intact, even after the shooting,” he said quietly. “We’re still on good terms… Cara didn’t normally take her work home with her, only the special cases.”

“Let me guess. I was a special case?” I asked.

Axel smirked. “You could say that, yeah.”

“So, any information that she gathered, whether it be strictly pertaining to my case or not, should be in her home office?”

Axel nodded. “It should be.”

I sighed. “You think you can get it for me?”

“Of course,” Axel replied.

I nodded, automatically moving to take off my loose T-shirt. “Thanks,” I said, but was suddenly shocked by Axel’s hands covering mine. “Hey, what are you…?”

“I told you before, Iana, that you don’t need to bribe or tempt me with sex,” Axel said firmly, and kissed my forehead. “I’ll tell you it a thousand times if I have to, because I’d never want to force you into something you didn’t want to do.”

I moved to remove the grip on the baseline of my shirt, and Axel subsequently released me. “I guess I should say ‘thank you’,” I told him, my voice soft. “But there’s one other thing that you have to consider…”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“You can’t just grab me whenever you want,” I told him, deliberately attempting to keep my voice from shaking too much. “It’s a trigger for me, and when I’m triggered…”

“Right,” Axel said, showing me his hand before he pulled me to him and kissing me on the forehead again. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known.”

I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry,” I told him, pulling back just far enough so that I could reach his lips. “Not like I told you before,” I said quietly, slowly anchoring my mouth to his.

. . .

I was in the park again with Hailey the following week; I had just taken her for a turn on the swings and was gathering her close to me then, knowing that we still had to hit the grocery store on the way back home. I pressed a kiss to her forehead as we walked across the street, where my red Mazda 3 was parked, and unlocked it automatically, before placing Hailey carefully into her car seat. As I got her all buckled and strapped in comfortably, I felt my pocket vibrating then and, thinking it was Clayton or Fionn texting from school about groceries, I nevertheless rolled my eyes and retrieved my phone from my pocket.

“Hey, Axel,” I said into the phone.

“Surprised to hear from me?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Never,” I replied, grabbing Hailey’s set of plastic keys and offering them to her, and smiled automatically as she placed them in her mouth. “And to what do I owe the pleasure, o boyfriend of mine?”

He laughed on the other end of the phone. “Decided to use my lunch break to get the paperwork from Cara’s. Laurie was out sick today, so Lawrence was home.”

“He all right?”

“Just a cold,” Axel confirmed. “He’ll be fine?”

“You look through the papers?” I asked, making silly faces for Hailey, who was absolutely adoring the double stimulation.

“I may have, a little,” he said quietly.

“Of course you did,” I said, trying not to laugh. “What did you manage to find out?”

Axel hesitated. “Well…”

“Come on, tell me,” I said, careful to keep my voice from shaking. “Whatever he’s done, no matter who he is, Yevgeny is my brother,” I said, knowing that there was a little piece of me out there that I just had to know. “Come on, just… Tell me.”

“He lives in Riverdale,” Axel said quietly.

“Riverdale,” I whispered then, thinking of the dreaded community that seemed to top all the “worst neighborhood in Chicago” lists that I could readily conjure up in my mind. “Do we know anything else about him?”

“He did heroin when he was in juvie,” Axel went on.

“Shit,” I whispered, dragging my hand over my face. “He clean now?”

“His parole officer thinks so,” he replied, “and you know how meticulous those sons of bitches can be. Looking between fingers and toes is some nasty shit…”

“You’re not kidding,” I said, a lump forming in my throat. “So, we have an address?”

“Wait, you’re not thinking of seeing this guy…?”

“Axel,” I said, my voice firm. “He’s my brother.”

“Fine,” Axel said, obviously concerned for me. “But we’re going to assess all the information we can, together. I’ll even try to pull some strings to meet with his parole officer, see what we’re dealing with here. And then, if you still want to see him, fine. But I’m going with you whether you like it or not.”

“Those sound like perfectly appropriate terms, Axel,” I said. “Will I see you later?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll be off at six, and I’ll head over for Hailey’s bedtime. I’ll crash over there, too, if that’s fine.”

“We never mind, Axel,” I assured him. “I have to get to the store before they run out of all the cereals that the kiddos like, so I’d better run…”

“No problem,” Axel said. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I said quickly, hanging up. I smoothed Hailey’s raven hair and kissed her on the forehead. “Can’t guarantee I’ll be giving you any brothers, or any siblings at all, little princess,” I told her, and beamed when she smiled a gummy smile at me. I made sure her buckles were the appropriate amount of tight before I shut her door, and climbed into the front seat myself. As I started the ignition and pulled out of my parking space, I was relieved that Axel hadn’t coughed up Yevengy’s specific address, because I knew, deep down, I would’ve tried to find him myself, and such a thing could be the direct opposite of wise.


	4. At the End of the Needle Lies the Beast

It is rainy as Axel, Hailey, and I pulled up in front of the ramshackle-looking building, where my half-brother’s parole officer informed us that he lived. I cut off the engine, staring through the passenger window beside where Axel is seated, feeling the lump forming in my throat as I consider for the millionth time what is behind the door. I startle a little then as Axel automatically reaches out and clasps m hand, forcing a smile to my lips, allowing him to know that, despite him catching me unawares, I was thankful for the comfort.

“You nervous?”

It is a stupid question, a fact that he quickly realizes when I make a face at him. “Of course,” I told him then, trying to keep my voice in check so as Hailey wouldn’t become upset. “I mean, Pops told me about Yevgeny for years, and about how things went down there. The notion that I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider him with another child…”

“No matter what happens today, Iana, you’ve got to understand that Yevgeny will never replace what your pops feels for you,” Axel tells me patiently, gently dragging his thumb over my knuckles. “Trust me on this.”

I nodded, fearing to say much else. “Let’s go,” I said, forcing the words from my mouth then as I get out of the car, quickly opening the back seat door and unstrapping Hailey from her car seat, planting a kiss on her forehead. “It’s all right,” I assure her, the rain having turned into a mist as I lock the doors, watching as Axel, having already exited the vehicle, is waiting on the rain-slicked sidewalk for me.

I cross over to him, keeping a good grip on my daughter as Axel opens the rust-covered gate, which squeals appalling, causing Hailey to cry out and pull herself closer to me as Axel and me climb up the splintered stairs. I reach out my hand then, not wanting any courage to be stripped away from me then as I knock on the door, knowing that my heart is beating out of control and that I’ve got to get a grip. I know that my daughter can sense my anxiety, and she squirms ever so slightly in my arms because of it, but I cannot keep my heart rate down, especially when I hear footsteps on the other side of the door. When it squeaks open, and my brother’s blue eyes, Pops’s eyes, meet mine for the first time, I know there is no mistake. From his dark brown hair to his blue eyes, I know who he is.

“Yevgeny Milkovich?” I ask, my voice shaking slightly.

My half-brother crosses his arms then; he is wearing a skin-tight tank top, which showcases his muscled arms, which are tattooed, and I don’t want to ask if he got those in prison or not. He pulls a cigarette out from between his lips, and I draw back instinctively, covering Hailey’s face just in case he decides to blast us with smoke upon the time he decided to exhale. Considerately, however, he blew it out the side of his lips, back into the place he called home, as he looked me up and down with our father’s eyes.

“Who wants to know?”

“I do,” I replied, fixing him with a look.

“Yeah?” he asked, scrutinizing me and Hailey for a moment, a faint hint of recognition flashing through his eyes before they met mine again. “Who are you?”

“I’m Iana, Iana Milkovich,” I replied, trying to keep my voice from shaking. “I’m your sister. We have the same father,” I said, despite knowing that he could know that based on our surnames. “I had to find you…”

He swallowed then, a lump forming in his throat. “You didn’t,” he said, dropping his cigarette down and smashing it with his booted foot. “You wasted your time coming here. I don’t have anything to give,” he went on, and moved to shut the door.

I was about to cry out then, to call him back, to do something, but I was suddenly cut off by shock, directly associated with Axel. The movement was quick, and one that Yevgeny and me certainly didn’t expect from my boyfriend, considering that he’d been unmoving beside me the entire time. However, significant others can surprise you, and, in this moment, I was as surprised as I’d ever been by Axel.

“Hey, man, this isn’t up for negotiation,” Axel said, jamming his foot in the door to prevent Yevgeny from closing it completely, which caused my brother to open it fully again. “Iana has spent the last month looking for you, not because she wanted to, but because she had to. She wants you in her life, and her daughter’s life.”

“This is Hailey,” I said quietly then, stepping forward slightly, marveling my daughter’s intelligence then as she turned to regard Yevgeny then, and even he melted slightly as she stared up at him. “This is your niece. I named her after our father,” I tell him, and his eyes raised back upwards to me. “Mikhaila Nichole Milkovich is her name.”

Yevgeny sighs then. “Okay,” he says after a moment, and stands back, leaving some space between the door and him. “Come on in, I guess.”

. . .

I set Hailey down into her crib for an afternoon nap after returning from the grocery store; I switch on the baby monitor and hold it against me, slipping out of my bedroom and making my way down the stairs. I cross over and into the kitchen, setting the baby monitor down onto the counter and set to work with unpacking the groceries and wondering what I should make for dinner that night. I nibble at my bottom lip, knowing that it is just after two now, so the boys should be home in an hour, while Carla and Charlie will return in an hour and a half or so. I finish unpacking the groceries then, leaning up against the counter, knowing that I needed to do one more thing, but unsure of what the outcome would be.

I turn around, facing the baby monitor then, and feeling the smile automatically forming on my lips as I see Hailey sleeping. I pick up my phone next, unlocking it and pressing the number two button, before placing it against my ear and listening to the rings. “Pops,” I manage to get out when he answers the phone.

“Hey, kiddo, just got in,” he says, and I can hear the sound of grocery bags hitting the counter of the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“You busy?”

“Not really,” he replies. “Just gotta put this food away… Everything okay?”

I sighed, not really knowing the answer to that question, but also knowing that I needed to talk to him about this. “Can you just come over when you’re done, please?”

“Sure, kid, whatever you want,” he replies. “I’ll be over in ten, okay?”

“Fine,” I reply, and cut the call immediately, setting my phone back onto the counter. I walk from the kitchen and into the living room, methodically picking up the baby monitor as I go, and perch on the couch. Staring through the window at the house across the street, I realize that I have no idea how Pops will potentially react to the information that I’d tracked down his son, my half-brother, with Axel’s help, and maybe, just maybe, he’d be upset about it.

I suddenly lurch to my feet when I hear him pounding on the door, and put the baby monitor down onto the coffee table and cross over to the door. I open it quickly then, standing back so that he can enter the house, avoiding eye contact, but I know that he can read my body language like a book. It barely takes a moment for him to shut the door behind him, and to yank me into his arms.

“Look, kid, I know something’s up,” he tells me, his arms wound tightly around me. “I need you to tell me what it is.”

I pull back from him then; I needed to see his face when I told him this. “Cara, my attorney from the trial when I beat up Colin, left me something,” I replied. “She left me a letter, and Axel gave it to me…”

“Okay?” Pops replies, searching my face. “What happened? It upset you?”

I shook my head. “No,” I tell him. “No, it… It contained some information she found when she was looking into our family, to find a common link as to why I may have snapped that night. I mean, this was before the final diagnosis…”

“Makes sense,” Pops says, crossing his arms. “She tell you what she found?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I told her I didn’t want to know about it…”

“But you changed your mind?”

I nodded again. “Yeah,” I said, raising my eyes to his. “I changed my mind, and I need you to listen before you run off.”

Pops looked confused. “Why would I run off?”

“Because I found Yevgeny,” I replied, and Pops’s eyes widened at my words then. “Axel got the paperwork associated with him from Cara’s files, information that I previously didn’t want, and told me some of it over the phone. I know where he is; not the exact address or anything, but I know the area where he lives…”

Pops dragged his hand down his face then, and I knew he was struggling to consider an appropriate reply. “Where is he?”

“Riverdale,” I said quietly.

“Fuck,” Pops whispered, shaking his head. “Svetlana married a fucking millionaire, so why in the hell is our son…?!” He sighed, blowing the breath out, in an attempt to calm himself down, but it wasn’t doing any good. “She thinks she can just work her way up from being a fucking hand whore from the ghetto and wanting our kid so bad and now she’s…”

“Pops!” I cry out then, putting my hands onto his shoulders and holding him there, doing my best to steady him. “Breathe. You’ve gotta breathe…”

His eyes locked with mine then, managing to lose their madness and becoming clear again. “I don’t know what to say here, Iana…”

I nodded, gently lowering my hands from his shoulders. “I think you said what you wanted to say, and that’s fine,” I assured him, one ear trained onto the baby monitor, and relieved when Hailey didn’t cry out for me. “I know you’re scared, Pops, but, I promise, I’ll keep you as in the loop or out of it as you want. I won’t force anything on you, I swear.”

Pops swallowed for a moment, struggling to comprehend the situation. “What else do you know about him?”

“Pops, I really don’t…”

“Please,” he said then, his eyes locking with mine again. “I’m asking you to tell me, Iana, and I want a straight answer. Please.”

“He did at least one stint in juvie,” I replied.

“Shit,” Pops replied.

“And he’s a heroin addict,” I said quietly.

Pops looked up at me. “Heroin?”

I nodded; the movement was so jerky that it sent sparks of pain through my neck. “Yeah,” I confirmed, feeling dirty for passing judgement on a stranger like that. “His parole officer says he’s clean but…” I shrugged.

Pops looked away from me then. “I’ve been a hell of a father…”

“Pops?”

“Showering love and attention on you and letting my son be fucking neglected and forgotten about… It’s wrong,” he said softly.

“Pops, you had no way of knowing where he was,” I said, quick to defend him. “And besides, I know you hate the law. One false move and the life you’ve built for yourself and Uncle Ian could’ve been taken away. We’re Milkovich’s,” I said then, and his eyes locked onto mine once again. “We evade the law until we’re caught, and we’re slippery sons of bitches.”

Pops shook his head. “It’s so excuse,” he replied. “He’s my son. I should’ve been there for him from the minute your mom got me out of jail for good. I should’ve at least looked for him, but I didn’t… I was so prepared to just be here with all of you that I didn’t…”

“Pops, it’s fine…”

“No, it’s fucking not!” he shouted, and I took a step back from him; I’d seen him mad before, of course, but never had he yelled at me with such ferocity before. “I should’ve been there for the both of you, but I was only there for you! I should’ve banged on all the fucking doors I could, trying to find him! Sure, he may be the son of the fucking woman I was forced to marry but I’ve got it good now, so I should’ve made sure he was good! I was selfish, staying here and just lying low, waiting for the inevitable, but I’m so fucking done!”

I was about to speak again when a scream erupted from the baby monitor. Without even a backward glance, I charged up the stairs, throwing open my bedroom door and rushing to the side of Hailey’s crib. Bending down, I took her into my arms, swaying slightly and pressing my lips to her forehead. “You’re all right,” I assured her, keeping calm. “It’s all right. You don’t need to be frightened,” I kept telling her.

“Is she all right?”

I turned and looked at Pops then, standing in my doorway, and I swallowed, shuffling from one foot to the other. “She’s fine.”

He sighed. “Look, Iana, I know that it’s not your fault to be curious…”

“I am curious,” I told him, my voice firm. “But you fucking scared the shit out of me down there, Pops, and I can’t have that. If I’m anxious or upset, Hailey becomes anxious or upset. I can’t be the best mom I can be if I’m anxious or upset. I can’t let my daughter be anxious or upset, because it’s not good for her,” I went on, willing for my voice not to tremble as I told him this, and was surprised at how humbled he looked. “I understand that you’re hurting, because I did kind of spring this on you, and I’m sorry, but you’ve got to understand that, in families, we have to be honest with one another. I literally just found out the information an hour ago, and you’re the first one I told about it, because you mean a lot to me. It’s not something I could’ve done over the phone, as you can probably understand,” I continued, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, “but I needed to tell you. Can’t you see that?”

He nodded. “I can see that,” he replied, a sigh escaping from between his lips. “I hope Hailey’s going to be okay,” he tossed over his shoulder as he crept out of the room, down the stairs, and outside the house.

. . .

The office of Maurice Sanderson is stuffy; he obviously fired his maid, given the notion that his filing system is a piece of crap. I’d bet that the battered-looking file cabinets, four in total, he has behind his desk are disorganized and not full, due to the fact that enough file folders to count the residents of the Cook County Department of Corrections alone are on top of them, or placed in a precarious fashion on his desk. I turn and look at Axel briefly; he’d taken up Maurice’s invitation for a cup of coffee, while I declined; I’d never liked the beverage, first of all, and second, I knew that Hailey was more prone not to take my milk if I drank it.

Maurice bustled back into the room a moment later, handing Axel a steaming paper cup of coffee, while his was in a proper mug. Maurice was a balding, portly man who I judged to be in his late fifties or early sixties; he had a massive beer belly, and his white, button-down shirt was strained along it, while his horribly-patterned wool tie barely met the midline. His suit, a green plaid, matched the tie perfectly, and he lifted up the bottom edge of his jacket with his one free hand left available to him as he sat at his desk, opposite Axel and me, and just stared at him for a moment, his gray eyes an unimaginative hue, although they did radiate a combination of intelligence and exhaustion, while his meaty face sported rather thick layers of dark circles and skin beneath them.

“You’re here about Yevgeny Milkovich, then?” he asked.

Axel nodded. “That’s right. My sister informed us that you’ve done her favors in the past, and she figured one more wouldn’t hurt.”

Maurice’s pale brown brows, flecked sporadically with silver, knit together as he tried to figure out the familial connection that Axel claimed to possess. “Your sister…?”

“Half-sister, really,” Axel explained. “Cara Hastings.”

“Oh, yeah,” Maurice said, nodding his head. “Real nice girl. I’m sorry for your loss,” he said in a sympathetic manner to Axel. “Her last case was really her legacy…”

“That was my case,” I said softly, and Maurice’s eyes snapped to mine. “I hired her because I believed my mother representing me was a conflict of interest.”

“And you’re…? I’m sorry,” Maurice said, dragging a hand across his face. “It’s been a long day and I’m never good with names of people who aren’t my clients…”

“Iana Milkovich,” I reply, and Maurice sits slightly straighter in his seat. “My mother is Murphy Gallagher-Blomqvist, the attorney,” I replied.

“Oh, yeah,” Maurice said. “Her and her husband are excellent at their job. Your grandparents, too,” Maurice went on. “A lot of their juvenile cases are passed on to me to monitor.”

I nibbled at my lower lip. “Yeah, they’re not really my grandparents,” I replied, in a tone of voice that Maurice knew he wasn’t to press further. “Anyhow, Cara did research on my family background to find a link between my insanity defense, and came across information regarding my paternal half-brother, Yevgeny Milkovich,” I said, doing my best to keep steady, and felt my heart suddenly pounding when Axel took my hand. “In her letter and documents that she left upon her untimely death, you were mentioned several times, given your status as my brother’s parole officer.”

Maurice sat back in his old-timey wooden desk chair that you could find at inner-city schools that hadn’t been rebuilt since the 1950’s, placing his sausage fingers onto his belly. “And you figured you could ask for information?”

“Well, yeah,” I replied, knowing that it was a longshot, but I needed all the information I could from people that were deemed to be reliable. “I’m family, after all…”

Maurice sighed. “Don’t know what it is about the two of you, but there’s something behind your eyes,” he says, sticking his index finger towards me.

I blinked. “My eyes?”

“Yeah, not the color or anything, but what’s behind them,” he replied. “So, I take it that you and Yevgeny share the same father?”

I nodded. “Yeah, we’ve got the same father, hence the surname.”

Maurice nodded. “I don’t normally do this, but Yevgeny’s parole period is over, and I’m more than a little convinced that you’re family. Plus, Cara Hastings and Murphy Gallagher-Blomqvist are high-profile names around here, so you’ve got names on your side, too,” he continues, pulling open one of his desk drawers and taking out a file folder, a mile thick, and blew on its surface, dust flying into the air, causing Axel and me to sputter for a moment. “Here you go,” he said, handing over the dark green cardboard folder to me.

It appeared that there were coffee stains on its surface, as well as a massive red stamp, which red CASE CLOSED in bold letters. On the name indicator, the name YEVGENY MILKOVICH was featured in bold black type, and I instinctively ran my fingers over the name for a moment. I raised my eyes to Maurice then, and smiled. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

Maurice sighed. “You’re welcome,” he replied. “Don’t know what the two of you are looking for, though,” he called after us, as we approached his office door. “Ever since his mom and her millions cut him off, he hasn’t been the same.”

. . .

I try to put my brief and petty argument with Axel out of my mind; I was a little annoyed that he had accepted a Friday night shift at the prison, but knew that it was his job, and if a warden called in sick, his number could be up. Axel pleaded with me to be reasonable, and although I’d wanted, more than anything, to rise to him, I just kept my mouth shut. Putting the thought from my mind, I dressed Hailey in her ladybug costume and me in my flapper one, and posed for far too many mama and baby selfies before we walked out of the house.

Halloween night, thankfully, was not heavy with traffic as I drove across town towards the apartment building where Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy lived, as well as where Penny kept her work suite. That evening was her Halloween party, and Hailey, Axel, and I had been invited. I had wanted to show off my boyfriend at the festivities that evening and now I couldn’t do that; of course, I was equally excited to show off my daughter, because nobody could’ve made a better ladybug under any circumstances whatsoever.

I knocked on the door, adjusting Hailey on my hip and hearing the pumping music on the other side of it, along with a pair of high heels. I grinned automatically when Rose answered the door and gasped aloud at the sight of Hailey. “Hey, Rose!” I said, looking her up and down. “Great ballerina costume!” I complimented.

Rose grinned and did a bow. “I’m the white swan,” she explained. “And I’m digging the flapper vibes, girl!”

I laughed. “Thank you,” I replied.

Rose reached out her hand to me and pulled me inside, before checking the hallway one more time as she shut the door. “Axel looking for a parking space?”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Had to take another shift at work.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Well, you and Hailey will just have to have fun without him,” she said, and her eyes drifted onto Hailey again.

“Would you like to…?”

“Yes!” Rose cried, and took Hailey immediately, who seemed to settle instantly into her arms as she wandered off into the party.

I laughed then, opening the small closet off the main door and putting her bag inside of it, and walked towards the kitchen, her bottles in my hand. I slipped the two I’d brought inside, in the back, behind a case of beer, knowing that they wouldn’t be disturbed. I heard footsteps behind me and straightened up immediately, turning around and seeing Liam. “Hey, Happy Halloween, Captain Jack Sparrow,” I said, punching him playfully in the arm.

“Hey, flapper girl,” he replied, removing his eye patch and shoving it in his pocket. “Sorry, my eye was getting hot…”

I rolled my eyes. “Right,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I looked around then, and quickly spotted Rose, still holding Hailey, engaged in conversation with Penny and Lacey, who were dressed as Amy Poehler and Tina Fey respectively. “How’ve they been?”

“Good,” Liam replied, following my glance. “Happy.”

I smiled. “That’s all anyone wants, isn’t it?”

Right on cue, Rose brought over Hailey, who looked just a bit out of her element as if she suddenly seemed to realize that she was no longer in my arms. “This little princess missed her mommy,” Rose said, gently handing her back to me.

“Come here, sweetheart,” I said, pressing my lips to her forehead. “She’ll be all right,” I assured Rose, who nodded, before moving back towards Penny and Lacey. “Rose seems to really support the two of them.”

Liam barked with laughter, and I had to narrow my eyes at him to get him to stop, lest he inadvertently scare Hailey. “Personally, I think one of the reasons is the notion that Lacey isn’t Desmond and, therefore, cannot get her pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes. “Jesus. I got pregnant at sixteen,” I say, narrowing my eyes at him, and Liam suddenly appears as if he believes he’s stuck his pirate’s boot into his mouth. “Now I’m seventeen and have a beautiful daughter. To be honest, I didn’t think I ever wanted kids but now,” I continue, looking down at my daughter, “I’d never change a thing.”

Liam sighs then, reaching out his arms then, and I raise my eyebrows at him, before gently handing Hailey over to him. “Hey, princess,” he says gently, and is rewarded by a beautiful smile from my daughter, and I find myself smiling stupidly at the display. “I just wanna let you know that you’re a shoo-in for the costume contest. If you don’t get it, you’ll at least get Cutest Costume. I know, I know, it’s silly, but Penny and Lacey have this sick idea that everyone has to go home a winner tonight. I say let some people lose, so they know that the world doesn’t always work out that way. It’s the way you treat people that really counts, princess. If you’re mean to people, then you don’t win anything but enemies. But if you’re nice to people, then you have the capability to win all the friends in the world.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “Not true.”

Liam looks up at me and grins unabashedly. “Excuse me, but I’m imparting wisdom on a younger generation. Now, shut up,” he says playfully, and I cover my mouth to keep from laughing as he looks back down at my daughter. “But, I still say you’re winning tonight. But I’m just a fourth of the judges, unfortunately. We’ll have to do some adorable campaign work to get you a title tonight, won’t we?”

Hailey grins up at Liam; he is the center of her world at the moment, and her expressive dark brown eyes never leaving his face. “Dada,” she says then.

My heart nearly stops then, and my face pales quickly thereafter as I look up at Liam. “Oh, my god, I am so sorry,” I said, gently taking Hailey back from him, and feel relieved when she doesn’t protest my movements.

“It’s all good,” Liam assures me.

I sighed, biting my lip. “It was her first word,” I admit lamely.

Liam grins. “Well, them I’m honored,” he replies, and removes his pirate’s hat, feather plume and all, and bows before the pair of us.

. . .

I step inside Yevgeny’s house, if one could call it that, keeping a good hold of Hailey in my arms, and feeling Axel’s presence at my heels. I feel a lump rise in my throat then, seeing that the splintered wood is a recurring theme around here, given that the floor is either cracked or splintered in several places. The furniture is threadbare, and it reeks of cheap cigarette smoke, likely the cheapest one could buy at the nearest corner liquor store. Yevgeny doesn’t invite either of us to sit down, and I don’t think I’d have accepted the invitation.

“What do you want to know?” he asks.

I turn and look over at him. “We met with Maurice.”

“Yeah?” he asks, taking the cigarette from between his lips again and exhaling. “And how did it go meeting the wizard?”

I grit my teeth at the sarcasm of his tone. “Fine. Said you were clean.”

“For two years,” he said with a shrug. “No biggie.”

I decided to try a different tactic. “He told us about your mother…”

“The fucking Russian hand whore?!” Yevgeny demanded, his eyes flashing with rage. “Got married to a guy old enough to be her fucking grandfather, got all his money, and swindled it from his own son! Kicked me to the curb faster than anything.”

“Did she?” I ask.

He sighed. “Yeah,” he replied, sticking the cigarette back into his mouth.

“What happened?” I want to know.

“Boarding school,” he replied, looking at me as if I was crazy. “Then came military academy because I wouldn’t straighten the fuck up. Then came juvie because I went fucking AWOL,” he says, and crosses his arms again, his muscles flexing his tattoos. For the first time, I see that he has tattoos on his metacarpals, just like Pops does, which read _Your Dead_.

“Um…”

“What?” he demands.

I smirk slightly. “Your is supposed to be spelled with an apostrophe and then an ‘E’ at the end,” I tell him, trying to make a joke about the situation.

“Yeah, well, I barely got an education, princess, so maybe you can take your fucking cunt ass and get the fuck out of my house,” he growls. “I’m through talking to the one kid that our dear old dad loved.”

I hand over Hailey to Axel without hesitation, and stomp over to him. “You are not gonna just stand there and hurl abuse at me!” I tell him through gritted teeth. “Axel,” I say, keeping my eyes firmly glued to my brother, “take Hailey to the car. Now,” I say, my voice firm, knowing that he would attempt to refuse, but when I heard the door close behind me, I knew that shit had the capability of going down. “I did not come here to fight with you.”

“Then why did you come here?!” he hissed.

“Because you’re my fucking brother!” I cried out. “You are my brother, period. I’m sure some people would tell me to get a DNA test, but I don’t need one. I know who you are, and you’re the son of Mickey Milkovich, just like I’m his daughter.”

Yevgeny scoffed, looking away from me. “Whatever.”

“No, not whatever,” I said, snagging the cigarette from him and smashing it onto his piece of shit wood flooring. “You’re my brother.”

“Yeah, you fucking said that already, you…”

Just before he could say it again, I socked him in the jaw. “No.”

Yevgeny held his jaw then, staring down at me in shock. “You can fight?”

I nodded. “Oh, yeah, I can fight,” I told him. “I’m half-Gallagher, half-Milkovich. You do not want to fuck with me. It’s a deadly combination. I almost beat a guy your size to death when I was fourteen. He was in a coma for over two years.”

Yevgeny blinked. “How the hell are you walking the streets…?!”

“I’m mentally ill,” I replied. “I’m bipolar, and have PTSD after being raped when I was five, and again when I was thirteen. That’s why Pops taught me how to fight,” I tell him. “I asked our father to teach me, because I was so fucking tired of being the weak one. But I’m not weak, not anymore, because I’ve got a good family, a boyfriend, and a daughter.” I keep my eyes level with his then, and then permit myself to speak again. “Go pack your shit.”

He raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“Go pack your shit,” I say, this time in a more gentler tone of voice, but keeping the firmness lodged in there. “You can’t live here anymore.”

He scoffed. “You evicting me now?”

I shrugged. “Guess I am,” I replied. “Now, go back your shit. You’re coming back to South Side with me.”

“Why?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes then, placing my hands on my hips. “Because, goddammit, you’re my fucking brother, and you deserve to be with family.”

Yevgeny shrugged. “I don’t know.”

I shook my head. “Christ,” I muttered, crossing over to him and yanking him into my arms into a massive hug. I felt him tense in my arms then, but then his arms came around me, and he shuddered, and I knew then that he was holding back his emotions. “You’re a fucking Milkovich, Yevgeny,” I whispered to him, patting him on the back, knowing that all of this would take some getting used to.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Why?”

I pulled him back then and smiled up at him. “Because you’re holding your shit in,” I tell him, and grip him on the shoulder. “I know it’s probably what kept you safe on the inside, but you don’t gotta do that anymore. You don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re not going to label you a pussy for being human,” I say simply, clapping him on the shoulder briefly before letting him go. “Now, go and pack your shit. It’s time for you to face our father,” I tell him.


	5. Sins of the Father

Leaving Hailey in the care of my parents after Axel had dropped us off back home after our meeting with Maurice Sanderson, I crossed the rain-slicked street and made my way towards Pops and Uncle Ian’s place. I went through the gate without hesitation, and up the stairs, and pulled my keys out from my pocket and let myself inside. I felt a lump forming in my throat as I crossed the threshold, shutting and locking the door behind me and making my way through the living room, spotting the pair of them in the kitchen.

“Hey, guys,” I said quietly, sticking my hands into the pockets of my jeans as I returned my keys to my pocket and leaned up against the doorframe of the kitchen.

“Hey, kiddo,” Pops said.

“You doing okay?” Uncle Ian asked, his eyes as trained on me as Pops’s were, but neither of them made any moves towards me, knowing that I’d come to them.

“I met with Yevgeny’s parole officer this afternoon,” I said quietly, swallowing then, unsure of what their reaction would be.

Uncle Ian turned and looked at Pops then, before he turned back to look at me. “I didn’t even know you were looking for him,” he admitted.

Immediately, I felt my heart pounding then as my gaze shifted automatically to Pops. “You didn’t fucking tell him?!” I demanded.

“Christ, Iana, how should I bring this up in conversation?!” Pops said, spreading his hands. “I mean, how am I supposed to tell my husband that my son, who he kidnapped during a bipolar bender, is now potentially coming back into our lives?!”

“Pops!” I snapped then, narrowing my eyes at him and walking towards Uncle Ian, who seemed to stiffen at his sentence. “Goddammit, you can’t just talk about it that way! Or did you forget that your daughter happens to be afflicted with that disease as well?!”

“Shit, Ian,” Pops said, dragging his hand down his face. “I’m sorry…”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Uncle Ian said, his voice the same amount of firmness as mine had before he turned back to me. “What’d you find out, Iana?”

I kept my hand where it was, placed in a supportive manner on Uncle Ian’s shoulder, before I narrowed my eyes slightly at Pops, before shifting my eyes back to his. “I know the neighborhood that he lives in, and I’ve got an address,” I tell them.

“Where does he live?” Uncle Ian asked.

“Riverdale,” I replied.

“Fuck,” he replied, and Pops winced at the pain that Uncle Ian felt for a direct extension of him, and, despite the notion that he didn’t have to, I noticed that it moved him as well. “What else do you know, Iana? You said you and Axel met with his parole officer?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the guy’s name is Maurice,” I replied. “Nice enough guy, but I’m glad that Axel was there to back me up,” I told him.

“He do something to you?!” Pops demanded of me then, knowing how I would either keep men at arms length before deciding to use the only way I knew how to keep them from potentially hurting me.

“Mick,” Uncle Ian said, his head snapping to look at him. “Not helping.”

I sighed, squeezing Uncle Ian’s shoulder for a moment before crossing over to Pops, taking ahold of his shoulders in my hands before I allowed myself to clutch at his face, to swivel his gaze from Uncle Ian’s to mine. “Look at me,” I said then, and his eyes met mine. “I’m fine. I don’t think he would’ve done anything anyway. “And besides, Axel was there, and we both know how to defend ourselves if necessary.”

Reluctantly, Pops nodded. “Okay,” he said.

I tilted his head downwards with my hands and kissed his forehead. “Good,” I replied, letting him go and standing a few paces away from them both. “Yevgeny has a parole officer because he did at least one stint in juvie,” I told them.

“Fuck,” Pops whispered, his eyes rolling upwards to look at the ceiling.

“What were the conditions of his parole?” Uncle Ian asked.

I bit my lip. “From what I gathered from his file folder, which was only given to me because he’s no longer considered a juvenile and his case is closed—so Maurice has no just cause by keeping the information, and, as a family member, I’m allowed to be privy to it—is that Yevgeny needs to be clean,” I said quietly.

“Clean?” Uncle Ian wanted to know, his eyes shifting momentarily to Pops before he looked back at me. “Clean from what?”

“He’s a heroin addict, Ian,” Pops said then, never taking his eyes from the ceiling, despite the fact that Uncle Ian had turned to look at him when he spoke again.

“Is that true?”

I sighed then, hating that I was the bearer of the news, but it was better coming from me, or from a phone call from Maurice, so I nodded. “Yeah, it’s true,” I said softly.

“Why was he in juvie?” Pops asked, swallowing then as he leaned backwards to take ahold of the counter with his hands.

“Apparently he got really high and he escaped the military academy he was forced into,” I said quietly, stumbling backwards towards the fridge, knowing that I needed the comfort of its cold temperature on my back.

“That’s it?” Uncle Ian asked, knowing from experience that escaping from military of any kind was serious business. “How old was he?”

“Sixteen,” I told him. “He only did petty crimes before that, but this was considered so out there that they kept him locked up for two years for it.”

“What else was there?” came Pops’s question then, and, for the first time, he lowered his face back down then, but refused to meet either of our eyes. “What’d he do?”

“He tracked down Svetlana, where she was reportedly living in the lap of luxury,” I said, fighting and failing to keep the bitterness out of my tone, feeling that there had to have been some rejection of my half-brother. “Yevgeny was sent to a boarding school at a fairly young age, then the military academy at thirteen, due to apparent behavioral problems, from what I’ve got from his living arrangements,” I explained to Uncle Ian in a careful manner. “I don’t know the direct motive—it wasn’t stipulated within the documents…”

“Doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure it out,” Pops said bitterly, continuing to stare at the floor as he crossed his arms. “Poor kid probably resented her…”

“You know anything else?” Uncle Ian asked.

I was shaking now, envisioning the entire thing, and felt myself fumbling to reach the pulley on the fridge door, which I finally managed to open after turning around. I saw the bottles of Old Style waiting for me and—after remembering the abundance of bottles in the fridge at home which I’d successfully made that morning, in case the meeting went bad—made a grab for the closest one. Without hesitation, I slammed the cap on the edge of the countertop and tipped the amber liquid into my mouth, chugging it, feeling it numbing my senses, as the hot tears escaped my eyes as I turned back to look at them, swallowing.

“He broke into the house where she was living and nearly beat her to death,” I replied, my voice devoid of any emotion, due to the numbing qualities of the alcohol.

“Jesus,” Uncle Ian whispered.

“That true?” Pops asked.

I nodded. “It’s true,” I replied.

“And the living situation he’s in?” came Uncle Ian’s next question.

“Piece of shit house in Riverdale—looked it up online when Axel and I were driving back, after we got Hailey from daycare,” I explain, tipping more of the beer into my mouth.

“He can stay there.”

I nearly choked when the words tumbled out of Uncle Ian’s mouth, and Pops turned to look over at his husband. “What?” I asked, clearing my throat to keep from coughing.

“He needs to be with family,” Uncle Ian said, but his words were directed at Pops.

“Ian…”

“No, Mick, I’m serious,” Uncle Ian told him. “He’s your son, like it or not. He’s family, and family belongs together.”

Pops turned and looked at me. “What do you think?”

“Axel and I are going to meet him next week,” I said quietly. “We’ll check and see if everything’s on the up and up.”

“And if it’s not?” Uncle Ian asked.

I hesitated, turning to look at Pops. “Pops?” I asked.

Pops sighed before nodding. “He’s fucking family,” he said at last, his eyes meeting mine at long last. “Bring him home, Iana.”

. . .

“You really beat a guy half to death?” Yevgeny asks, as he attempts to shove handfuls of clothes into his duffel bag.

I nodded, staying on the threshold of his bedroom, knowing full well that he wanted me close but, at the same time, not wanting to invade his space. “Yeah. Let’s just say it was justified,” I told him, and he momentarily peered over his shoulder at me, his eyes questioning. “He was beating up my cousin, after she told him she was pregnant.”

“Fucker,” he spat, continuing to stuff his duffel to the gills. “Normally, I don’t advocate hitting women, but my mother…” He hesitated for a moment. “I don’t consider her a woman, or a mother. She acted like a man; they’re usually the ones that abandon their children. And she’s not a mother; she wanted nothing to do with me after she married up.”

I shook my head. “I’m so sorry,” I told him, my voice quiet. “I knew about you when I was fourteen, so three years ago now,” I told him. “But I was going through my trial at the time, and I guess it was a lot…”

“Yeah?” he asked, no vehemence directed at me as he turned and perched on the edge of his bed, which was barely an upgrade from a mattress on the floor. “What else was there?”

I raised my eyebrows, knowing that he had every right to know, on a familial level. “Well, I guess I should tell you that Colin—that’s the guy I almost killed—and I went out once before, but the attack was purely self-defense, and not motivated by jealousy.”

Yevgeny’s hands balled into fists. “He do something to you?”

I nodded. “You could say that, yeah,” I said. I took a breath then, and Yevgeny considerately waited for me to keep going. “He knew I liked him and so he went after me,” I tell him. “He tried to get with me, at a fucking school dance, and when I said no, he went after my cousin. They dated for a while, and that’s how she ended up pregnant.”

“Not that I’m judging or anything, but why’d you turn him down?” he ask. “Were you…? I mean, had you not…?”

“I’d been raped by that point, so I wasn’t completely inexperienced in that department,” I told him, rolling my shoulders. “I also had a few experiences, mostly people who just wanted to have a bit of fun. I fucked the guys because I always had a fear of men, due to being raped several times at five and once at thirteen, so I guess I just…”

“Wanted to prove to them that you weren’t weak, and were just as powerful as they were?” he asked, and my eyes locked to his.

“Yeah,” I said, shaking my head. “How did you…?”

“Juvie,” he replied. “The thing that the file didn’t tell you is that they transferred me to Cook County for another two years,” he said quietly. “I got clean, because it was a condition for me to be released. That’s how I got out.”

“Plea bargain?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. Was supposed to be locked up until I was twenty-five.” He hesitated for a moment then, almost as if he didn’t want to pry, but the curiosity got the best of him. “You said that your ‘experiences’ were with people…”

I nodded. “Yeah, I said that.”

He swallowed. “Just guys?”

I shook my head. “No, there were a few girls in there, too.”

Yevgeny sighed then, his body language showing relief. “Just glad I’m not the only one in the family, I guess…”

I blinked. “The only one in the family what?”

He raised his eyes to mine. “That fucks the same gender,” he replied.

I nodded. “Don’t worry about it. We live in a time where it’s not as frowned upon, thank god.” I stop for a moment then, and decide to pose a question. “You wanted it, right? I mean there wasn’t a situation where you were forced…?”

Yevgeny shook his head. “Kept to myself in prison, mostly,” he tells me. “And yeah, I always wanted it. I don’t do it unless I want it.” He broke off then, before turning back to look at me for a moment. “Dad’s not gonna mind, is he?”

I blinked. “Mind what?”

“That I fucked guys. Will he care?”

I laughed aloud then, before I could call it back, and my brother looked shocked at my reaction that I quickly attempted to stop. “Sorry, sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “Um… What did Svetlana tell you about our dad?”

Yevgeny shook his head. “Not a whole lot—we didn’t spend a lot of time together. She just said he was in and out of jail. Nothing specific…”

I swallowed then, knowing that Yevgeny would figure it out eventually anyway, but also because I’d literally just laughed in his face. “Uh, Yevgeny… He’s gay. Our dad,” I said, and Yevgeny stared at me in shock. “He and his boyfriend, now husband, actually lived together while you were a baby.”

“Jesus,” Yevgeny whispered, dragging a hand through his dark brown hair. “They’re still together after all this time?”

I nodded. “Yeah. My mom got him out of a lengthy prison sentence, and then got ordained so that they could get married.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ian,” I replied.

Yevgeny nodded. “Svetlana mentioned him. Said he had red hair and that my dad loved him a whole hell of a lot…”

I nodded, not wanting to get into the technicalities of his conception, although mine really wasn’t much better. It wasn’t my place to do so, and I definitely didn’t want to be the one to tell him that his own mother was, for all intents and purposes, a rapist. “He’s a great guy,” I told him. “We all love him a lot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I told him. “He’s my mother’s brother.”

Yevgeny raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Her twin brother,” I tell him, my tone awkward.

“Shit,” Yevgeny whispers, apparently mind-blown. “She a red-head, too?”

I laughed. “Sure is. But I got our dad’s hair,” I explain. “Both him and our aunt, Mandy, have got black hair like mine.”

“I got the hand-whore’s hair,” Yevgeny muttered darkly.

“You have his eyes,” I told him, and his eyes snapped to mine, hoping it would comfort him in some way. “You have our dad’s eyes.”

“You have your mom’s eyes?”

“And my aunt’s, Fiona’s,” I replied. “Our dad is one of six, just like my mom. Seven, if you count their fucking cunt of a half-sister. Long story—apparently, our dad tried to kill her, which is what got him landed in the joint.”

“Jesus,” Yevgeny whispered.

“My mom taught her a lesson when the bitch came sniffing around her diner, though,” I said, and smirked to myself.

“Really?”

“Yep,” I tell him. “Her and all the Gallagher’s taught her a great lesson. She was escorted out of the place wrapped in an old rug.”

Yevgeny grinned. “Bad ass,” he told me. “My kind of people.”

I hesitated for a moment before I held out my hand. “And we’re all waiting for you,” I told him then, trying to sound gentle, but also excited, all at once.

. . .

YEVGENY’S POV

Once Axel dropped me, Hailey, and Iana off outside the house—he’d done the driving so that Iana could talk more with me—he got into his car and headed off. They didn’t talk about his job for some reason, and I quickly wondered why that was. He reeked of some kind of law job, if I was being honest about it, and I wondered if they just wanted to spare my feelings about the whole thing. With the promise that Iana would call him later, I looked away as she kissed him goodbye and turned to look up at the house for the first time as he drove off 

“How’d you hook up with him?” I asked as we crossed the street. I knew it was an invasive question, but this was my little sister, and I was genuinely curious.

“Axel?”

I smirked. “Yeah,” I said, knowing that I could fuck with her a little bit, but knew if I wanted a straight answer, I had to play my cards right. “Him.”

“He was my attorney’s half-brother,” she explains, trying to appear nonchalant, and I know she could be leaving out buckets of information, but decide to move on.

“You’re seventeen.”

She nodded as we stepped through the gate. “That’s right.”

I swallowed then, knowing that this protectiveness sent a new feeling through me, but I had no idea how to turn it off. “How old is he?”

She sighed, hesitant. “He’ll be thirty in March,” she said quietly as we walk up the steps.

“Seriously, Iana?” I ask her, wondering who the hell I was as we stand on the front porch in the cold fall day. “You’re playing with fire.”

She scoffs, unlocking the front door. “Don’t I know it,” she replies, and nearly fall back into me when she sees that not only have two people have gathered, but another couple are sitting in the living room as well. “Hey, Mom, Dad,” she says, obviously trying to keep her voice from shaking as I shut the door behind us. “Pops. Uncle Ian.”

“Gang’s all here, huh?” I ask, my voice nervous.

To my surprise, the woman steps forward first, and I notice quickly that two men, one who had been sitting with her as we entered and a second with red hair, so I know this is Ian, my dad’s husband, flank her from a few inches behind.

“Mom?” Iana asks, but the woman merely smiles at her before her gaze shifts to me.

“Hello, Yevgeny,” she says, her tone gentle as she holds out her hand. “I’m Murphy, Iana’s mother. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Iana turns and looks over her shoulder at me, and my eyes meet hers for a moment, before she gives me an encouraging smile and a nod.

“Iana told me about you,” I said, turning to look at her as I took her outstretched hand and shook it. “You seem like a real great lady. Nice to meet you.”

“All good things, I hope,” my mother said.

“She said you got my dad out of prison,” I said. “Thanks.”

“It’s my job,” she said kindly, before stepping back.

“Hey, Yevgeny, I’m Ian, your father’s husband,” Ian said, stepping forward next and putting out a hand, which I accepted quickly. “I don’t know if you remember me—you were just a baby, so probably not—but you and me, we were real close back then.” He hesitated for a moment. “I kidnapped you,” he said then, and I felt everyone around me tense up at the declaration. “I’m bipolar, like Iana,” he said, and nodded briefly at her, “and I had a break, and took you. I’m sorry,” he said, and shook his head at his actions, “you deserved better.”

“Hey, I’m still here,” I said, smiling at Ian. “It’s okay, man. Really.”

“Yevgeny, I’m Nicholas,” Nicholas said as he slowly came forward. “I’m Iana’s dad. Now, before you say anything,” he said, chuckling slightly, “Iana calls me ‘Dad’, but I’m just her adopted father and stepfather. I’m also Murphy’s husband,” he explains. “I adopted Iana when she was three-years-old, shortly after her mother and I became husband and wife. She’s called me ‘Dad’ pretty much ever since that day.”

Iana turns and watches again as I struggle with what to say next.

My eyes drift towards Murphy again, and I talk again “When did you get my dad’s sentence terminated?” I want to know.

“Iana was nine,” my dad said, speaking for the first time, and Iana and me quickly move to look at him simultaneously. “I’m sorry,” he says then, and finally allows himself to step forward, “for all of this. You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m so sorry that I had to go to prison, and had to leave you with her. She seemed to have it all together, but…”

I shake his head then, knowing that I had to forgive, and to do it quickly, if there was ever a hope of some kind of relationship between us. “Don’t be sorry,” I tell him. “I had to figure out some shit for myself, and, thanks to Iana, I did,” I say, reaching out then, and wrapping her arm in my hand, which my dad sees and steps forward.

“Your hands…”

“You like ‘em?” I ask, grinning.

He shakes his head—he’s not angry, just shocked. “Must be a Milkovich thing,” he says, and extends his hand to me, which are also tattooed.

“Jesus—maybe you are my dad,” I joked.

“We’re all inked,” Iana says then, speaking for the first time. She has since handed Hailey over to Murphy as the tension has dissolved in the room, and rolls up the sleeve of her sweater, revealing red roses in a bed of thorns. “Got that at sixteen.”

“In New York, which was a graduation present,” Nicholas says, slightly ticked off still, which I could kind of understand.

“And she used a fake,” Murphy went on, and I knew she definitely didn’t approve.

“While she was sixteen,” Ian put in.

“But we still love her, even though she makes mistakes,” my dad said then, his eyes leaving Iana’s then before he turns to me. “Glad you’re here, son.”

I hesitated for a moment. “How did Iana…?”

“Come to be?” she asks, and her gaze shifts from her mother, to Ian, back to our dad before she rolls her eyes. “Jesus. I am not telling him this.”

“It was in Mexico, with _way_ too much tequila involved,” Murphy said quietly, obviously trying to keep it brief, as Ian looked uncomfortable, and who could blame him, really?

“And me?” I ask, turning to my dad, and notice that Murphy, and Ian, have gone pale and look like a combination of disgusted and devastated—Jesus, they really were twins! “How did you get me if you’re gay?”

My dad dragged his hand over his face then, obviously not wanting to talk about it. “Maybe we’ll tell you someday, kid,” he said quietly, “but it’s still hard to talk about. Let’s just leave it at that it was complicated.”

I blink then as Iana cracks her knuckles. “What’s with you?” I ask.

“Put your shit down and follow me,” she says, and I quickly obey. “Mom, watch Hailey for a bit, please,” she tells her mother, before she pulls me from the house.

. . .

IANA POV

“Where are we going?” Yevgeny asks me then, once we clear the gate.

I turn and look at him. “You want to know how you’re here?”

He nods. “Well, yeah…”

I sighed. “How much can you handle?”

“Anything,” he says without hesitation.

I swallowed. “You sure?”

He nods again. “Yeah.”

“How good at running are you?” I ask.

He blinks. “Is my little sister challenging me to a race?”

I grinned. “Something like that,” I tell him. “On your mark, get set, go!” I say, much too fast for anyone, and we are off like someone set fire to our asses. We run down the block, not stopping until we get to our destination, coming full stop in front of a house. “Look familiar?”

Yevgeny turns and looks up at the house. “Not really. Sould it?”

“Yeah,” I said, allowing the cool air into my lungs. “You used to live here. When you were a baby,” I tell him.

“Seriously?” he asks, looking around. “Small world.”

“Come on,” I tell him, and pull him through the gate and up the stairs. Without hesitation, I bang on the door, and hear the shuffling feet on the other side.

“I’m coming, goddammit!” comes Terry’s voice on the other side, and the door swings open as he peers at me, and then at Yevgeny. “What’s this?”

“Terry, this is Yevgeny,” I say, crossing my arms. “Yevgeny, this is our unfortunate excuse for a grandfather.”

“Uh, hi,” Yevgeny says, as Terry looks shocked.

“Tell him what you did,” I said then, my eyes glued to Terry, who turns and looks back at me in a moment of shock and, when I don’t get results, grab ahold of his stained white tank top and slam him up against the door. “Tell him what you did our father,” I go on, my voice shaking with rage as I stare him down. “Tell Yevgeny why he’s here—how he’s here—you sick bastard. I couldn’t be happier, although both of us shouldn’t rightfully be here. Tell him!” I yelled then, and Terry actually fucking cowers in my grip. “Fucking tell him, you sack of shit!”

“I paid your mother!” he says then, pointing a shaking hand at Yevgeny. “I paid your mother to fuck the gay out of your dad!”

I am shocked then when Yevgeny reaches out without hesitation and grabs Terry, slamming him up against the door. “Yev…” I say quietly.

“Enough,” he says quietly to me, before turning back to Terry. “You got a problem with gay people, old man?! Huh?! Do you?!” he screams.

“It’s wrong!” Terry cries out.

“Fuck you!” Yevgeny says, kicking Terry without hesitation.

“Yev, that’s enough,” I tell him, knowing what could happen if we are caught. I would be thrown into the looney bin, but he could be locked up, and I couldn’t let that happen—I’d just gotten him back, and it would be all my fault. “Yev, let’s go home…”

“What’s the matter with you, you fucker?!” Yevgeny demands of Terry, slamming his head down onto the ground again and again, not even listening to me. “How could you do that to your son—your son!” he yells. “He’s your fucking son, and you couldn’t just accept him for who he really was! What the fuck is your problem?!”

My breath hitches then, just as Terry continues to beg for mercy, and as I hear sirens somewhere in the distance. “Shit,” I whisper, grabbing ahold of Yevgeny’s arm, but it goes flying downwards and connects with Terry’s face. “Yev!” I hiss at him, struggling to break through as I hear the sirens coming closer. “They’re coming! Somebody called the cops!”

It is those words that get him to stop, and I hiss through my teeth at how purple his knuckles have become, and how bloody Terry is. “Fuck,” he whispers.

I drag a hand over my face then, knowing that they are getting closer by the second. “Go through the house, and run out the back,” I say without really thinking it through.

“What?!” Yevgeny demands.

I sighed. “I’m seventeen, and proven insane,” I hiss at him. “You’re over twenty-one, and you’ve got a fucking record,” I say, shoving him into the house, and nodding towards where I know the back door has gotta be. “They’ll lock you up for years—this is _my_ fault,” I tell him. “Fucking run out the back door—”

“Iana—”

“Now!” I yell then, slamming my fists repeatedly into the side of the house. “Fuck!” I yell, so out of practice since Hailey’s birth that I could’ve broken something. Nevertheless, they purple almost instantly, so I know my plan will work. “Tell my parents—they’ll handle it,” I tell him as the sirens are about to come around the corner.

“But—”

“You’ve gotta get outta here, now!” I say, and shove him as hard as I can, as Terry groans in between us, so I know he is alive; for now, at least. I glare at Yevgeny to the point where even he looks fearful, but he dashes through there and gets out the back door, just as the cop cars, three of them, come around the corner, circling the area.

They spot me immediately, their lights flashing, as they all three pull to a stop. I feel my breath hitch in my throat then as I slowly turn around, and one self-important-looking guy gets out of the car, a megaphone in his hand as my heartbeat fills my ears. I square my shoulders then, and attempt to flex my fingers, but it does no good—I’ve definitely broken something.

“Get down here with your hands up—you’re surrounded!” the man growled.

Slowly, I take a step forward, then another, to the point where I am fully down the stairs and coming towards the gate. I make my way towards it then, the squeal from the metal like a shattering in my ears as I step right on through. The walk from there towards the curb seems like a thousand miles, but I know I’ve got to listen to the men. I step out into the street, my hands in the air, heartbeat in my ears, the cops in my line of sight from all directions.

“Down on the ground!” he yells, and I get to my knees quickly, and another guy steps forward and grabs my hands, pinning them first on my head, and then behind the back.

I do my best not to wince as I am cuffed, and then hauled back to my feet. I am slammed onto the edge of the police car, but make no move to cry out, or to allow tears to escape my eyes. I am then shoved into the back of one of the cars without hesitation or ceremony, and I bite my bottom lip, hard, begging myself not to come undone.

It is then that, after all this time, that one of my first memories flashes before my eyes, and I do my best not to cry out. It was of my mother, being arrested by Tommy, on the very day that Dad adopted me. I later learned that she was arrested for communicating with Pops; now, I was being arrested for taking the fall for his son.

The car suddenly lurched forward, and there I was, cuffed in the backseat, being pulled Downtown for god knows what. I swallowed then, invoking my right to remain silent as we continued driving, my heart in my throat. Before I knew it, before I could stop them, my bottom lip escaped from my lips and I clenched my teeth, knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop the hot tears from escaping my eyes.

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Feeling a Moment

I deliberately made myself feel numb on the remainder of the drive to the jail, and as I was hauled out from the back of the police cruiser, I kept my mouth shut as I was dragged through the double doors and into the foyer. I was brought up to the counter, where the cuffs were mercifully taken off, and I automatically flexed my fingers, sharp pain causing me to grit my teeth in an attempt to stop myself from crying out, and twisted my wrists round and round, so as to become re-adjusted to being untethered. I turned my head as the burly cop, the one who’d hauled me in here, was speaking to me, but did my best not to appear anything but compliant towards him.

“Valuables in there,” he said harshly, nodding to the plastic bin provided.

I nipped at my bottom lip, unhooking my locket from around my neck, feeling as if a piece of myself was being removed as I put it into the bin. Next, I took my keys out from my pocket and set them beside the necklace, followed by my shoes and socks, as I was directed by Mr. Bossy to my left. I was then grabbed again and was made to walk through a metal detector; I held up my shirt when directed to do so, so as the cops in charge would see that the machine going off was only because of my jeans zipper.

“Over here,” came the voice of that cop again, and he suddenly had me by the arm once more, and he hauled me to the other side of the counter. He took my hands, and I sucked in through my teeth as he manhandled them, so as to put them into the black ink beside the boxed paper beside them. Once all my fingers had been pressed onto it and were each coated with a layer of black ink, I was then made to stand in front of the height chart. “Look at the camera!” came his bark when I merely stook there. “Milkovich! Get your eyes on the camera!”

I blew some breath out of my mouth then, and slowly raised my eyes upward and stared at the camera lens, before I nearly stumbled backwards at the click and flash it made. From the corner of my eye, the cop motioned with his hand; the son of a bitch wanted a fucking profile shot. I gritted my teeth, but nevertheless, turned my body to the side, and stared at a bit of concrete wall on the opposite side of me, and did my best to remain still when the shutter clicked again.

“Come on,” he said then, once the picture guy had what he needed, and I was hauled off to a separate room, on my own, surprisingly, and he shoved me inside, and yet he himself remained in the doorway. “Change into that jumpsuit,” he ordered. “There’ll be some standard underwear issued for you, and a pair of prison socks and sneakers. Puts your clothes in the bag provided; someone will come to collect them tomorrow,” he said, moving to shut the door. “I’m gonna lock you in, so knock three times when you’re through,” he finishes then, his eyes raking over my body, which made my stomach clench as he slammed the door behind him.

I dragged my hands over my face; the sun had already begun to set behind me, so I knew there was no way in hell I’d be getting home to Hailey tonight. Shaking my head, I made quick work of undressing, not wanting to get onto the cops’ bad side, and hastily got on that smelly jumpsuit and everything else I was made to wear. Once I got my own clothes into the separate bag, I took another breath before crossing over to the door, and knocked three times, just like Mr. Bossy had told me to.

“Come on,” he said, swinging the door open. “Someone called while you were in there,” he went on, keeping a hand on my arm as he pulled me along. “You’ve got your own cell for the night, so nobody’ll bother you. You’ll be discharged in the morning to your family; seems like you’ve got friends in high places.” His voice seemed different somehow, less harsh; almost as if, now that I had people looking out for me, I was suddenly not considered a threat.

“Thanks for letting me know,” I replied, no animosity in my tone.

The man nodded as we continued down the hallway; there were a group of single cells, much like the rooms that I’d gone to see Tommy in, except these didn’t just have a table and chairs, but a cot bed as well. “You gonna be all right?” he asked me, unlocking the door, and moving aside then as I moved to step in.

I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

He nodded again. “Okay. One of the guards’ll be by with your dinner; you won’t have to go to the mess hall for that. Wake up is six a.m., and lights out is at eleven. Will that be a problem?” he wants to know.

I shake my head. “No, it won’t be a problem,” I say quietly.

“It’s also because you’re underage,” the guard says, his voice quiet. “And because of who your parents are… If anyone gives you any trouble, send them to me.”

I nodded. “Got it.”

“Tell ‘em to deal with Sarge if they give you any bullshit,” he goes on, his voice firm. “I was a sergeant in the army… It still scares ‘em.”

“Noted,” I tell him.

He sighed. “I have two daughters,” he says quietly, before he raises his eyes to mine. “I sure as hell wouldn’t want them in here…”

“I have a daughter,” I tell him, and he looks surprised. “She’ll be one in January. I love her more than anything, so I get it.”

He hesitates then, before getting a good look at my hands. “Looks like you busted those things pretty good,” he says.

I sighed, lowering my eyes to my fingers while biting my lower lip. “Family matters are complicated things, Sarge,” I said quietly.

“I’ll see if I can get someone to send you an ice pack,” he says, moving back into the hallway once again. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Fine,” I assured him, looking back up. “I’ve been through worse, believe me.”

. . .

I was given the “all-clear” to get the hell outta dodge the following morning, after I managed to swallow some barely-edible oatmeal and had a shower, before putting on my street clothes, It was after that that I collected my belongings and headed out into the cool autumn air, with the sun barely up, and lowered my eyes to see Pops waiting for me. I sighed, knowing that this couldn’t be good, and trudged towards him, my sneakers soft on the concrete.

“You okay?” he asked, arms crossed, as soon as I was in front of him.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I told him.

Pops dragged a hand over his face then, the emotions threatening to take the better of him as he suddenly stepped forward and yanked me into his arms. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” he demanded, his voice harsh in my ear. “Do you have any idea how scared we were?!”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, I don’t want you to tell me you’re sorry,” Pops said, pulling back and searching my face. “I mean, I do, but I want you to mean it. None of this ‘I won’t do it again’ bullshit, although I hope to god that you won’t…”

“I’m sorry,” I replied, really meaning it. “I know that yesterday was completely fucked up and I’m really sorry, I promise…”

He nodded, visibly swallowing then before he took my face in his hands. “Did you do it?” he asked me then, and I sighed, lowering my eyes, but Pops shook me then, stopping the movement from happening, right in its tracks. “Did you beat the shit out of him?”

I squared my shoulders then. “The cops caught me at the scene,” I replied. “Cuffed me, arrested me, locked me up… So, what do you think?”

“I think I want the truth, Iana,” he replied, and I pulled myself out from his grip. “You’re still underage, and don’t technically have a record, due to your insanity defense.”

I sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Pops…”

“I want you to tell me the fucking truth, Iana!” he demands, and I lock my eyes to his. “I want you to tell me the truth, and I want it now!”

I scoff, rolling my eyes, hating it when tears developed inside them. “And what? What’s gonna happen to me?!”

“If you didn’t do it, I’ll take you home, but you’d need to fess up to who did immediately,” Pops told me, his voice firm. “If you do claim to do it, then that’s a different story.”

The thought of returning home overwhelmed my senses; more than anything, I wanted Hailey back in my arms, but I knew that it would come at a price. To go home would mean telling the truth, and Yev would be pulled out of our lives, probably for years to come. To lie would mean not seeing my daughter, but I needed to know what cards were in my hand for my bluff, so I decided to stick to my story.

“Let’s say I did it,” I told him, and Pops’s eyes locked to mine then, looking shocked. “Let’s say I did beat the shit out of Terry. What’s gonna happen to me?”

He sighed, looking pained that I was taking this route, but likely knew the consequences if it wasn’t going to be this way. “Nicholas made a deal on your behalf,” he replied, looking devastated at what had to be done.

“A deal?” I ask. “What kind of deal?”

“You’ll be subjected to a seventy-two hour hold in a psychiatric ward, and then if you’re not considered harmful to yourself, or others, they’ll let you come home after that. Then, a three-month period of house arrest with a curfew.”

I blinked. “Really?”

He nodded. “Really.”

I swallowed then, knowing that seventy-two hours on hold to make sure I really was mentally ill, and then three-months of house arrest beat a potential twenty-year lockup for Yev, so I did what I needed to do. “I did it,” I said, taking my hands out from where my sweater had been confining them, and Pops saw my busted-looking knuckles for the first time. “I beat the shit out of your dad, and it happened because I’m off my meds,” I told him.

“Christ, Iana!” he shouted. “You went off your meds again?!”

I nodded; this was the only truth here, and that one grain of it all could help me here, given that the psych ward would want to test me for any kind of medication, drugs or otherwise, in my system before admittance. “It’s true,” I replied. “I went on those new pills after Hailey was born, and I hated the way they made me feel, so I stopped taking them two months ago.”

“All right,” Pops said, looking shell-shocked as he put an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go get you admitted.”

. . .

“Iana Milkovich, seventeen-years-old, diagnosed with bipolar one at the age of fifteen, remanded to University Chicago Psychiatry for a seventy-two hour hold because of an assault on her grandfather, Terry Milkovich, which resulted due to her failure to take her medication,” said the intake doctor, lowering her clipboard and staring up at me. “I want to impress upon you how serious this situation is, Miss Milkovich. Given that you have a young child in the picture; I mean, what would happen if Hailey said or did something that pissed you off? Would she end up beaten to a bloody pulp, like that of your grandfather?”

My eyes snapped to hers then; I was gripping, hard, onto the arms of my chair, easily annoyed by what this lady was insinuating. “You do realize that my daughter and Terry Milkovich are two totally different people, right?” I asked, doing my best to curb my temper with her. “Hailey could never get me to act that way towards her, ever. Even if she had fucking killed someone, it wouldn’t matter to me. She’s my baby,” I growled through my teeth, knowing full well that I would be threatened with sedation if I flew off the handle. “Terry Milkovich may be my paternal grandfather by blood, but my biological father made sure that he stayed far enough away from me growing up. The first time he ever saw me, he attacked me,” I told her, and the woman looked shocked that I was revealing such a thing to her so quickly. “Grabbed me right there on the street; I was just coming home from work, and the son of a bitch mistook me for a sex worker, the old pervert.”

“And what did you do then?” the woman asked, writing it down.

I couldn’t care less what she wrote; I was so done. “Once he got a good enough look at my face, I think it was enough to freak him out. I look enough like my dad and my aunt that his jaw hit the floor,” I said, leaning back in my seat and crossing my arms. “I slammed my forehead into his nose and hit him a couple of times before he let me go…”

“How did that affect you?”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Dr. Newland, you know better than anyone,” I said, biting on my lower lip and doing my best not to freak out. “My files tell you everything you need to know. I was systematically raped by my mother’s fiancé when I was five, and harassed and raped by my middle school principal at thirteen… Not to mention the notion that my mother’s twin brother, my uncle, has the same debilitating mental illness that I do. The fact that Terry Milkovich deserved what he got aside, I know I have some work to do, and I’m fully prepared to do whatever you think I should, because I need to get out of here in seventy-two hours, because my daughter needs me.”

Dr. Newland sighed, lowering her pen. “Well, we’re going to get you on a different bipolar medication, since you said that you didn’t like the symptoms that the other one afflicted you with, for starters.”

I sighed, nodding. “I can agree to that.”

“And you’ll participate in therapy here, individual and group, every day.”

I laughed a little. “Wouldn’t be a hospital if I didn’t, right?”

Dr. Newland smiled a little at that. “I’ve matched you with Dr. Patricia Leland, one of our newest psychiatrists, for your one-on-one sessions.”

“Sounds good,” I replied.

“Breakfast at eight, then group therapy at ten,” Dr. Newland explained. “Lunch at noon, visiting hours from one to three, then group therapy from four to six. Dinner at six, recreation from seven to nine, and you must be in your room by nine-thirty. Lights out at eleven, and then wake-up is seven a.m. Sound good?”

I nodded. “Yeah, sounds fine.”

“Good,” she said. “Your schedule will also be in your room; you’ve been given a single, as per your parents’ request. It also has a map on the back of the paper, so you’ll be able to find out where your therapy sessions are. Your room has an attached bathroom, so you won’t need to leave the area at night if you need to go. Mini-fridge, complete with bottles of water. And then your pill checks will be after lunch, before visiting hours.”

I nibbled at my bottom lip. “Okay,” I said softly.

“Now is where you’ll ask me any questions you might have about rules and such,” Dr. Newland went on, scrawling down some more notes for my files. “If not, I’ll take you directly to your room, and then you’ll head over to group therapy.”

I swallowed. “One question…”

“Shoot,” Dr. Newland replied, raising her eyes to mine.

“The visiting hours,” I said quietly, “can anyone visit?”

She smiled. “Wondering if your boyfriend can visit?” she asked. “Well, because we really don’t mind who comes, just that they’re respectful of the space and people in it.”

I shook my head. “Not my boyfriend; my daughter,” I told her. “I want to know if my daughter is allowed to come and see me.”

“Oh,” Dr. Newland said, looking uncomfortable that she had automatically assumed that I’d want to know if my boyfriend was allowed to come here. “Our policy is that anyone who wants to visit can, but if they are under eighteen, they need to be accompanied by someone who’s over the age limit.”

I sighed. “So, Hailey’s allowed here?”

“Hailey, that’s a beautiful name,” Dr. Newland said.

“Short for Mikhaila,” I explained. “Named for my father.”

“How nice,” she said softly. “And, yeah, of course. If you wanted Hailey to come here, she is of course allowed to be brought by a family member.”

I shook my head. “No. No, I don’t want Hailey to see me here,” I said quietly. “I love my baby girl more than anything, but…”

“I understand,” Dr. Newland said. “We’ll discuss your visitor list right now, okay? Then I’ll take you to your room.” She hesitated for a moment, opening her pen again. “Who would you like to be allowed to see you?”

“My pops, Mickey Milkovich, he can come,” I said quickly. “My uncle, Ian Gallagher, I’ll want him to come if he can.”

“Anyone else?” she asked.

I swallowed, becoming nervous. “Franny Gallagher, my cousin and best friend. If she even wants to see me, I’d like her to be on the list.”

“Will there be anyone else?”

“My uncle, Lip Gallagher, and his wife, my aunt Mandy,” I told her. “She’s having a baby next week but if she’s feeling up to it…”

“Of course,” Dr. Newland replied, scrawling the remaining names. “Will there be anyone else that you’ll want to come and see you?”

I shook my head at her. “No,” I told her, not wanting to see Mom or Dad, and knowing that they needed to be on hand to look after Hailey, as well as Clayton, Fionn, Carla, and Charlie. “I’d rather not have my parents see me here, no matter how grateful I am for them securing me a place in here.”

She nodded. “I can understand that, Iana. No pressure,” she says, making a note in her clipboard before getting to her feet. “All right, then. Shall we go and see your room?”

. . .

I’d been told after lunch on my second day that I had visitors, so I made my way to the correct hallway and towards the visitors door, pushing them open. I stood there for a moment then, as I remained just over the threshold of the room, the bright, autumn sunlight streaming in the windows on the wall opposite me. My visitors, two of them, got immediately to their feet as I stepped inside and, almost as if I suddenly remembered where I was, stumbled towards them and threw my arms around them both.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said, my voice slightly muffled.

“Hey, wouldn’t miss it,” Pops said.

“We were on the list, so there’s no way we’d pass up seeing you,” Uncle Ian said as they pulled me back and looking me over, before I was slowly guided over towards the seats back against the wall. “You doing okay?”

I shrugged a little then, my hands automatically regulating themselves to the pockets of the god-awful yellow jumpsuit I was forced to wear. “You know, can’t complain. They’re making me take my meds, and I’m talking a lot more than I usually do, but I’m feeling things, so I guess that’s a step in the right direction…”

“People behaving themselves?” Pops asked, his hands automatically going into fists. “I’d hate to hear about anyone hurting you.”

I sighed. “They have two different sections of the hospital, Pops, it’s fine,” I told him. “The men and guys’s place is on the other side of the building. They can’t come over here, and we can’t go over there. It’s very safe.”

“But, you do remember what to do if a situation gets out of hand, right?”

“Mick,” Uncle Ian said, placing a hand on Pops’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly. “An orderly has every right to slam you up against a wall if they even sense something’s gonna happen. The last thing I’d want is a repeat of what happened when I was locked up in one of these places. The key thing, Iana, is to keep your cool.”

I nodded. “And I’ve been doing just that,” I assured them both, hesitating for a moment. “How’s Aunt Mandy doing?”

“About ready to pop,” Pops said proudly, grinning to himself, while Uncle Ian playfully rolled his eyes at the comment. “She doesn’t hold it against you, you know. What happened with Terry a few days back. Everything’s good with her.”

I nodded again. “Good to know.”

“She also says that, if you want to, and if she still hasn’t delivered by the time you get out, that she would love for you to be there, in the room, with her and Lip when the baby’s born,” Uncle Ian reported with a smile.

“Please tell her for me that I will,” I assured them. “And Hailey?” I wanted to know. “How’s my baby girl doing?”

“Talking up a storm,” Pops reports.

“Got her to say ‘Mama’ yesterday,” Uncle Ian informed me.

I sighed, feeling the tears springing to my eyes upon the news. “And I fucking missed it because I’m here,” I muttered, the resentment in my tone.

“Anything you want to tell us?” Pops asked.

Automatically, my eyes snapped back to his. “No,” I told him, clearing my throat as I dashed the tears from my eyes. “Nothing. How’s everyone else?”

. . .

I was given the “all-clear” that I was due for release after seventy-two hours, and was told to keep on my medication, as was the condition of them letting me go. I was given my street clothes back, the ones I’d been arrested in, which had considerately been washed between the days I was forced to wear the jumpsuit. As I stepped out into the sunshine, I let out a cry of shock when I saw Pops standing there, having borrowed my car to get here, holding Hailey in his arms.

I let out a shout of exultation as I ran forward, taking Hailey immediately and kissing her forehead, her sweet baby smell calming my senses immediately. “Mama missed you so much, sweet girl,” I told her.

Hailey looked up at me then, and I was rewarded with a large smile. “Mama back,” she managed to say without hesitation, and I kissed her forehead again.

The drive home with Pops was filled with small talk, and I kept turning around in my seat to make sure that Hailey was okay. My heart swelled at the notion of my daughter, who was amusing herself by looking out the window and clapping her hands. We came to a stop outside the house, which I knew would be empty, due to Dad being at the firm, Mom being at the diner, and the kids being at school. Pops handed me my cell phone back, and as I moved to get Hailey out from her car seat, I noticed that Axel’s car was parked on the street as well. I turned and looked up at the house, knowing that he must’ve used my custom-built ladder to get in, and I turned to look at Pops, who seemed to put two and two together.

“You gonna be okay?”

I nodded, hitching Hailey’s bag onto my shoulder. “Fine,” I told him. “I’m gonna give her a bottle and put her down for her morning nap in a bit…”

Pops nodded. “I’ve got a few things to do at the house, but I’ll stop by later before she goes to bed to say goodnight.”

I smiled, stepping forward and accepting his hug, and smiled as he kissed Hailey’s cheek. “Say bye-bye to Papa,” I said quietly to her, and Pops grinned, waving to Hailey, who did the same movement, as he crossed the street. I sighed then, turning around and heading inside the house, managing somehow to unlock the door with Hailey in my arms, before I shut and locked it behind me. It almost didn’t surprise me to see Axel sitting at the kitchen table, as I set Hailey’s bag on the staircase and came trudging over. “Hey,” I said, slipping Hailey into her highchair and crossing over to the fridge where, thankfully, there was still another couple of bottles waiting for me, although I didn’t relish the thought of having to spend my first free day pumping to get out some more milk. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I thought I was seeing my girlfriend,” Axel said, obviously trying to keep his temper with me as I placed the bottle in the bottle warmer, “but, as I’m sure you know, relationships thrive on communication, and my girlfriend failed to communicate with me that she’d been arrested.”

I sighed, plugging in my phone to the kitchen charger and setting it for five minutes, so that the bottle will be heated through properly. “Not in front of Hailey, please,” I told him, my tone slightly more exasperated than I’d originally intended for it to be. “I understand you’re upset with me, Axel, but Hailey doesn’t need to hear this. She doesn’t.”

Axel sighed, impatiently tapping his fingers on the tabletop until my phone timer went off, whereupon I grabbed a dish towel, the bottle, and Hailey from her highchair, and took her into the living room. Placing the dish towel on my shoulder, I put Hailey into the crook of my arm and offered her the bottle, which she took immediately with gusto, and I stoked her perfect little cheek as she did so. It was silent then, but for the small sucking noises that Hailey made when she ate and, once she was finished, I put the bottle aside and kissed her cheek, before burping her effortlessly and holding her close.

“I’m going to put her upstairs for a nap,” I told Axel, getting to my feet as Hailey’s eyes seemed to immediately grow heavy. “I’ll be right back, and then we can talk.”

I did my best not to react to Axel rolling his eyes that I was putting off our argument to take care of my daughter as I turned around and headed for the stairs. I grabbed her bag on the way up, and took my time as I climbed, not wanting to unexpectedly lose my footing and drop her. When I finally made it to my bedroom, I opened the door and placed her bag on my bed, before I made my way over to her changing table. After I changed her and cleaned her up, I put her in a sleep shirt so that she’d be more comfortable, and put her in her crib, tucking her in with her favorite soft, pink blanket, and kissed her forehead, before making a grab for the visual baby monitor and slipping out of the room.

“Okay,” I said, once I got downstairs and placed the monitor on the coffee table. I headed into the kitchen and sat across from Axel, placing my hands on the surface of the table. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Axel rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that shit, Iana. You were arrested. Now, talk. What the fuck happened the other day after I left?!”

“Yev met the family,” I said, shrugging my shoulders, “like we planned all along. I don’t really know what you want me to say here.”

“Well, fine, Iana, if you want to play it that way,” he said, obviously growing annoyed. “I want you to say what happened between the time I dropped you guys off and the cops hauling your ass to jail. I had to hear from your pops that you were carted off to the looney bin after you fucking spent the night in jail! What am I supposed to think here?!”

I dragged my hand over my face. “Well, Yev met the family. He met Pops, Uncle Ian, Mom, and Dad,” I went on, knowing that I couldn’t come fully clean to Axel, even though he was my boyfriend, because I felt a loyalty to my brother that I never knew was possible. “Yev wanted to know the story about his conception, and of course the family wouldn’t tell him about it, given the complexities…”

“Christ,” Axel whispered, having known the story from the first time around we’d decided to be a couple.

“Yeah,” I muttered, leaning back in my seat. “We left the house and I decided that he should meet Terry…”

“Shit Iana, you didn’t,” he said, looking shocked. “Not again.”

I nodded. “Oh, yeah, again,” I told him.

“The fuck did you do?!” Axel demanded, standing up.

I shot to my feet. “We went there and, I don’t know, I lost it, okay?!” I said, hating it whenever I got the sense that I was literally being backed in a corner.

“Iana, you know that you can’t just act that way…!”

“It was a fucking impulse, for fuck’s sake!” I shot back. “You knew that I was bipolar from the time Cara was my attorney, which made it possible for me to not go to prison, have Hailey, and screw you several times a week!” I told him, putting my hands on my hips. “You know as well as I do that you can’t cope for a long time if I don’t wrap my lips around your dick!”

Axel turned red then. “This isn’t about that, Iana, and you know it.”

“Then, what is it about, Axel?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes at him. “Something tells me you wouldn’t even be into me if I wasn’t just a little bit unhinged. You keep telling me that you love me, just the way I am, and yet you’re flying off the handle when I don’t fall in line. You can’t have it both ways, you know. Either you want me to be myself, fucking crazy now and again when my meds don’t work or I stop taking them, or buttoned-up and normal. You need to fucking make a choice, because I can’t live my life tip-toeing around, waiting for you to make a choice about which version of me you like better.”

“What makes you think I don’t love you?” he wanted to know, crossing around the table and taking ahold of my arms, and I stiffened automatically. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now, Iana, because you’re not thinking clearly!”

I felt my lungs constricting then at his hands on me, but he was holding onto me so tightly that I couldn’t get away, even if I struggled against him. “Let me go,” I said to him, to the point where I was nearly thrashing in his arms. “You need to let me go!”

“Not until you tell me what you’re thinking!”

“That’s not the way this works!” I cried out, doing my best to pull out of his grip and failing to do so, miserably. “Axel, let me go!”

It was then that the front door burst open, and I felt my mouth drop open when Yev advanced across the threshold and shoved Axel away from me. I stumbled backwards, listening to the two of them yelling at each other, and quickly made a grab for the baby monitor, relieved that Hailey was sleeping through all this. I turned back to look at them then, relieved that to punches were being given, but couldn’t shake the sensation of momentary fear when Axel had so unexpectedly grabbed me.

“You can’t just grab her like that!” Yev shouted at Axel, who stared at him in anger. “Are you crazy or something?!”

“No, I’m not fucking crazy!” Axel yelled back. “But she sure as hell is!”

Yev narrowed his eyes then, taking an intimidating step towards Axel. “Don’t you ever fucking call my sister crazy,” he growled at him.

I breathed in then, my heart still refusing to stop beating so profusely. The only thing that seemed to break the spell was my cell phone ringing, which both Yev and Axel seemed to ignore. Taking a chance, I walked past them and into the kitchen, my eyebrows shooting up at Uncle Lip’s number that went across the screen.

“Uncle Lip?” I asked, picking up the phone. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Mandy’s water broke,” he said in a rush, and I could vaguely hear her screaming in the background, along with an engine, knowing that the pair of them were likely en route to the hospital. “I know it’s almost a week early, but…”

“I’ll be there,” I told him, hanging up the phone, vaguely aware of Yev forcing Axel out of the house before turning back at me. “Aunt Mandy’s in labor,” I reported.

Yev nodded. “Okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Can you watch Hailey?” I asked him, and Yev looked shocked. “What?”

“Well, it’s just that, you trust me…”

I smiled. “Of course I do, you’re my brother,” I told him, unplugging my phone. “There are enough bottles to last her throughout the day, and she should have one when she wakes up in two hours,” I told him. “The boys will be home before three, and they know what needs to be done with her,” I explain. “You can’t just leave her in the crib, though; you need to keep her with you and read and have her occupied with her toys.”

Yev nodded. “Relax, I’ve got it.”

I smiled, hesitating for a moment before I crossed over to him and put my arms around him in an unexpected hug. “Thanks,” I said.

“No problem,” he replied.

I dashed out of the house then, spotting Pops and Uncle Ian coming at the run. “Get in the car now!” I called to them, and, after briefly informing Uncle Ian that I was all right since coming home from the hospital, we got into my car and drove to the hospital. We managed to find a parking space before bursting through the doors, and I told Uncle Ian to sent the boys a text that they would need to relieve Yev of babysitting duty when they came home.

“You left Yev in charge?” Pops asked as we dashed through the hospital doors.

“Yeah. Why?” I asked.

Uncle Ian shrugged. “No reason,” he replied.

“Hi, we’re looking for Mandy Gallagher,” I said as we approached the desk.

“You family?” the receptionist asked.

“Yeah, I’m her niece, Iana Milkovich,” I replied.

“Brother, I’m Mickey,” Pops said quickly.

“And I’m her brother-in-law, Ian,” Uncle Ian finished.

“Maternity ward on the fourth floor,” the woman replied.

We dashed up the hallway towards the elevator, waiting anxiously for it to arrive and, when it did, we stepped into it. I felt my stomach flip-flopping as we drifted upwards, but once it got us to the fourth floor, the three of us burst out and went to find the check-in desk. Once we did, I breathlessly stepped forward, as I was on the “come into the room during labor” list.

“Mandy Gallagher,” I said, breathless this time.

The woman smiled. “Name?”

“Iana Milkovich, her niece,” I told her, showing her my I.D.

“Ah, you’re on the list. Sharon,” the receptionist said, turning to a nurse, “can you please take Miss Milkovich to room 409? Her aunt is in labor, and she’s on the list.”

“Yeah, no problem. It’s on my way,” she said brightly.

I turned to Pops and Uncle Ian as Sharon circled around to let me in through the door. “I’ll make sure someone comes to get you before…”

“Get in there,” Pops said, embracing me.

“Just be there for her,” Uncle Ian said quietly.

I broke away from them, grinning as I turned to face Sharon, already waiting for me. I stepped through the door, responding to her small talk as we made our way towards the right door. She left me on the threshold and I slowly turned the door handle, and spotted Aunt Mandy in the bed, Uncle Lip right by her side, and felt proud that my uncle was being so supportive, actually remaining by his wife’s side throughout the ordeal. “Hey, guys,” I said, stepping in and shutting the door behind me. “I didn’t miss anything, did I?”

“No,” Aunt Mandy managed to get out. “But I think something’s happening, and we can’t get a doctor in here.”

“What?” I demanded, turning to Uncle Lip.

“They’re backed up or something,” he replied with a shrug.

I bit my lip then, turning back to Aunt Mandy. “What do you mean ‘something’s happening’?” I asked her.

“I think the baby’s coming out!” she said then, suddenly screaming and grabbing ahold of Uncle Lip’s hand, who stiffened in pain.

I turned around and stepped back into the hallway, surprisingly finding no one, and went back to the receptionist we saw before. “My aunt says that something’s happening…”

“Sorry, sweetie. Not enough doctors on call today,” she said quietly.

I scoffed. “Can’t you just page someone?”

“Doesn’t always work that way,” she explained.

I gritted my teeth, making my way back to Aunt Mandy’s room, and, just seeing how in pain she was, I knew I needed to do something about it. “Oh, the hell with this,” I muttered, pulling the base of her hospital gown upwards then, my eyes widening. “Holy shit…”

“What?!” Uncle Lip demanded. “What’s wrong?!”

“She’s crowning and he’s coming fast!” I replied, looking up at him.

“Jesus…” Uncle Lip whispered.

“Oh, my god…” I whispered, looking up at Aunt Mandy, who was pleading with me. I bit my lip before I crossed over to the sink, washing my hands and snapping on a pair of gloves. I found a mask in the cupboard and used that to cover my face, before turning to Uncle Lip. “Give me your shirt,” I told him.

Uncle Lip stared at me. “For what?!”

“So I can stare at your abs,” I replied without hesitation, and Uncle Lip looked shocked. “So that I can fucking wrap the baby up in something so it doesn’t freeze to death, jesus!” I shouted, and grabbed it when he handed it over. “Okay, Mandy,” I said, sliding a free chair forward. “Push, I guess…”

“Make it more aggressive, she’ll listen,” Uncle Lip muttered.

I shrugged. “Okay… Push!” I shouted then, and Aunt Mandy bore down and pushed, and my eyes widened at how quickly my cousin was slipping through the birth canal and out into the world. Uncle Lip’s shirt covered my gloved hands as the baby came into the world, and I found myself smiling then at his beautiful face looking up at me as I wrapped him up, bringing him towards his mother and father. “Here he is,” I said gently, handing him to Aunt Mandy.

“Oh, my god,” she whispered, tears in her eyes as she looked up at Uncle Lip.

“He’s perfect,” Uncle Lip assured her.

I crossed back over to the sink, throwing out the gloves and washing my hands before I hastily removed the surgical mask. “He looks perfect, I guess,” I said, smiling at them. “I’d judge him at around seven pounds, but what the hell do I know?”

Aunt Mandy turned and grinned at me. “Do you want to know his name?”

“You already picked a name?” I asked.

Uncle Lip nodded. “Oh, yeah. Mandy wanted it to be…perfect,” he said with a smile.

“Should I get Pops and Uncle Ian first?” I asked, straightening the base of Aunt Mandy’s hospital gown, so that she wasn’t exposed to the world.

“Sure,” Aunt Mandy said, looking back down at her son.

I nodded, walking out of the room and glaring at the receptionist before I stepped into the waiting room, where Pops and Uncle Ian got to their feet. “We’ve got a baby,” I said, grinning at them both. “Baby Boy Gallagher has landed!”

Pops’s eyes popped out of his head. “We’ve barely been here a half hour!”

“That was really fast,” Uncle Ian said.

I nodded. “Yeah, and in retrospect, I probably should’ve grabbed you, but Aunt Mandy wanted relief right then…”

“What do you mean?” Pops demanded. “She okay?”

“Fine,” I assured him, motioning them to follow me back into the delivery room. “I mean, I guess she’s fine, Uncle Ian would know better than I would…”

We walked into the room together, and Pops immediately went to Aunt Mandy’s side, while Uncle Ian looked Uncle Lip up and down.

“Why are you shirtless?” he demanded.

“Is that Lip’s shirt?” Pops asked, pointing to the baby.

“Yeah, about that,” I said, rolling back on my heels, “I kinda, sorta, may have, delivered Aunt Mandy’s baby because the hospital was short-staffed…”

“She did what?!” Pops demanded.

“It was fine,” Aunt Mandy assured him, barely looking at him, as she only seemed to have eyes for her son.

“He’s perfect,” Uncle Lip said firmly.

“Sure you guys are okay?” Uncle Ian asked.

“We’re fine,” Aunt Mandy said gently.

“So… Baby Boy Gallagher… What’s his name?” I asked.

Aunt Mandy grinned, before looking at Uncle Lip, who nodded at her. “This is Ronan Ian Gallagher,” she said quietly.

“‘Ronan’ for my middle name,” Uncle Lip said.

“And ‘Ian’ for you and Iana,” Aunt Mandy told Uncle Ian, smiling at the both of us. “We figured that since Iana named Hailey after you, Mick, that you wouldn’t mind…”

Pops shook his head, smiling down at his nephew. “No, of course I don’t mind. I’m just glad that you’re all okay.”

“We are perfect,” Aunt Mandy replied, smiling at all of us in turn before she turned baby to Baby Ronan, and Uncle Lip put his arm around her shoulders as Pops, Uncle Ian, and I slipped out of the room to talk about potentially suing the hospital for not having enough doctors on call.


	7. The Odds Are Stacked Against You

I woke up with a pounding head about a week and a half after Ronan was born, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I sat up, throwing my covers off and stumbling over to Hailey’s crib, where she was standing, waiting for me to take her downstairs for breakfast. I checked her and changed her, after figuring out that she needed cleaning up, doing my best to focus on her as she merrily kicked her legs upwards without a care in the world. To say the I was hungover and still wearing last nights’ clothes from going clubbing with Franny was an understatement, but I managed to keep a good grip on my daughter as I left my bedroom. I bit my lip as the wood floor slightly swam in my vision, but I managed to climb down the stairs without falling as I headed into the kitchen.

“You look like a raccoon!” Carla chanted as I stepped into the kitchen and put Hailey in her highchair, and I stuck my tongue out at her as I walked towards the pantry where Hailey’s baby food was kept.

“Morning, honey,” Mom said, shooting Carla a look as she stood by the stove. “Want some eggs and sausages?”

I cleared my throat as I got the box of baby oatmeal out from a high shelf on the pantry. “Yeah, thanks a lot, Mom,” I said, quickly pouring a little milk from the fridge into a bowl, as well as the oats, and popped it into the microwave.

“You okay?” Fionn asked, watching as I put the majority of my weight against the counter. “I mean, you don’t look like yourself…”

I yawned, shuffling over to the fridge as I waited for the microwave to beep and opened it, seeing a bottle of vodka that Dad snuck drinks out of when he thought we weren’t looking. “Yeah, fine,” I told him, taking a swig before either of the parental units could tell me not to.

“Uh, sweetheart,” Dad said as I quickly put the bottle back into the fridge, and as he lowered his newspaper, “you sure you’re okay to do that?”

“Hailey quit the bottle, so I’m dry,” I told him, smacking my chest, knowing I wouldn’t be so brazen with him if I didn’t have the blood alcohol content of Frank. I turned around at the sound of the microwave going off, and quickly grabbed a baby-safe spoon before I retrieved it. I also took a bib from the drawer and secured it around Hailey’s neck before I sat beside her, blowing on a bite of oatmeal before I gave it to her.

“Yeah, but, honey, I think…”

“Nicholas,” my mother said, her voice firm as she brought the platter of eggs and sausages towards the table, shooting him a look as she set them down.

“Fine,” he muttered, getting to his feet and serving everyone.

I did my best to watch as Hailey ate her breakfast, and then when Carla and Charlie’s carpool arrived, I shouted goodbye to them as Mom walked them to the door. When Hailey finished eating, I took a towel and cleaned off her face, shoving a bite of breakfast into my mouth as I took her bowl and spoon to the dishwasher. I continued eating, managing to scoop Hailey out of her highchair and hold her about her middle while I ate the rest of my breakfast and did my best to do so one-handed.

“Hon, I know you have off today,” Mom said as she took hers, Carla, and Charlie’s dishes to the dishwasher and put them inside, “so, do you want me to run Hailey to daycare, or do you want to keep her today?”

I sighed. “Could you run her over, please?” I asked. “I know I need to keep her at home with me now and again, but she can socialize at daycare, in a way that she can’t do with me.”

“That’s understandable,” Mom replied, kissing my forehead and shooting Dad a look as he looked as if he wanted to say something. “I’ll run her in on my way to the diner.”

“Sure you’re okay?” Fionn asked.

I looked over at him; Clayton was absorbed in his cell phone, while Dad had returned to the paper, and Mom was doing the breakfast dishes. I shrugged. “How do you mean?”

Fionn, who by this time had finished his breakfast, reached over and took Hailey from my arms so that I could finish my own meal more easily. “I don’t know. I mean, Franny dropped you off pretty late last night.”

I shrugged, still tasting the vodka at the back of my throat as I popped more scrambled egg into my mouth. “So?”

“And you’re still in your club dress,” Fionn continued, and I rolled my eyes. “You hardly ever wear dresses, and your makeup’s smeared.”

I rolled my eyes again. “I’m fine,” I assured him, knowing I’d need to get another beer in me before the morning was out.

Fionn sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me. “What are your plans for today, then?” he asked, turning Hailey to face him as he made funny faces for her amusement. “I hope you’ll get some sun today…”

I scoffed aloud then, just as a clap of thunder was heard in the distance. “Might go over to see Pops and Uncle Ian later,” I replied, hopping to my feet as I popped my last bite of breakfast into my mouth, and putting the plate and fork in the dishwasher. “It’s been a couple days since I got over there, and I should make more of an effort…”

“How’s Yev doing?” Mom asked.

“He’s adjusting to life on the outside,” I replied, going over to the coffee pot and pouring myself a mug, hating the taste, but knowing it would perk me up.

“Tell him we got a busboy opening down at the diner,” Mom said casually.

“What happened to Carlos?” Dad asked, lowering the paper.

“Promoted him to a waiter,” Mom replied, flashing Dad a smile, who nodded, returning to whatever story he’d been reading, before she turned back to face me. “I know it’s only been a little while, hon, and he’s still adjusting, but he’ll need a job.”

I nodded, sipping my coffee and not enjoying how my stomach rolled as it hit my tastebuds. “I’ll let him know when I head over there today.”

“Great,” Mom replied, checking her phone. “Okay, boys, chop-chop,” she said, moving back towards the table as she let the sausage pan soak in the sink. “Your bus’ll be here in ten so you need to move your asses out there.”

“Jeez, Mom,” Clayton said, making a face at her as Dad forked over a ten for his lunch later that afternoon. “Quit it.”

“Hey,” Mom said, grabbing him and pulling him back into the kitchen, before kissing his forehead and squeezing his shoulder. “I love you.”

Clayton sighed at her. “Yeah, I love you, too,” he replied, getting his backpack on and turning to face Dad. “Bye, Dad,” he said.

“See you later, Clayton,” Dad replied, fist-bumping Clayton, who made a hasty beeline for the front door. “Bye Iana, bye Hailey!” he shouted.

“Bye, Clayton!” I yelled back.

“Bye, Mom,” Fionn said, handing Hailey to Mom and accepting Mom’s forehead kiss. “Bye, Dad,” he said, shaking Dad’s hand and accepting the ten bill before grabbing his own backpack and walking towards the door. “Bye Iana. Bye Hailey.”

“Bye, Fionn,” I replied.

“Love you, sweetie!” Mom called after him.

“Be safe, son!” Dad concluded.

“Bye-bye!” Hailey cried out.

“And, that’s my cue,” Dad said, checking his watch then before folding up the newspaper. He got to his feet, bringing his briefcase with him as he walked up to Mom, and, in barely two seconds, they were grinning like idiots at one another. “Hi, Murph,” he said.

“Hey, Nick,” she replied, and something flashed behind his eyes.

“I’ll deal with you later,” he said, his voice a growl. “We still on for lunch?”

“Your office or mine?” she countered.

“Okay,” I said, stepping forward and taking Hailey back from my mother. “It’s enough that you had to scar me and the boys for life, but for god sakes, there is a child present,” I said, rolling my eyes at them as I walked through the living room. “Here, sweetheart,” I said, putting Hailey on her stomach in her little play area.

“My office works,” Dad replied. “Mom and Dad are going to be in court today, so you won’t run into them, if you’re worried about that.”

“Franny wanted to go over the books for a preliminary check today, so she can use my office for that, I guess,” Mom said with a shrug as I turned back to face them. “I’ve gotta work a couple of hours after I drop Hailey off at daycare…”

“See you around noon?” Dad asked, putting an arm around her waist and dragging her towards him, so that she was pressed, lengthwise, against him.

Mom giggled without hesitation. “Yeah,” she replied. “I’ll probably want you by then.”

“Hey!” I said, successfully snapping them out of it as they turned to face me, with Dad letting Mom go, after a kiss on the cheek. “I know you’re madly in love, and I’m grateful for all that, really, but Hailey will repeat stuff now, so please. A little consideration here,” I said, nodding at her as she futzed with the toys around her.

“Fine, fine,” Dad grumbled sarcastically, quickly kissing Mom on the lips. “I’ll see you later, baby,” he told her.

“You too, hon,” she replied, waving to him.

“Iana,” Dad said, kissing my forehead.

I scoffed, but rewarded him with a smile. “Bye, Dad,” I replied.

He squeezed my shoulder then before he bent down to Hailey, who immediately grinned up at him as he kissed her own forehead. “I’ll see you later tonight, angel,” he said, squeezing her little foot before he got to his feet. “Bye, my girls!” he called out, advancing towards the front door and letting himself out.

. . .

I said goodbye to Mom and Hailey and immediately went upstairs to shower off the club from the night before. It had been a challenge to trip up my ankle bracelet, and then to sneak in my window after curfew, but Franny and I managed to figure it out. I didn’t know if either of my parents knew how late I was out, but since neither of them mentioned it, I think I was okay for the time being.

I got off the mascara and washed my hair, and slipped into some jeans and a sweater before I blow-dried my hair. I stuck my feet into a pair of my sneakers before heading across the street, and let myself in automatically, hearing Pops, Uncle Ian, and Yev talking in the kitchen. I walked through the living room and directly to where the voices were, smiling at them all as I stepped into the room and opened the fridge.

“Morning,” I said, getting a bottle of Old Style out of there and opening it up effortlessly. “What have I missed?”

Pops looked at Uncle Ian, but decided to say nothing about the notion that I was literally drinking a beer at nine in the morning. “Nothing. Just hanging out before Ian has to go into work in an hour or so,” he replied. “You doing okay, kid?”

I nodded, swallowing my first sip of beer. “Great,” I told him, crossing my arms. “Never better. I have off today, and Mom took in Hailey to daycare, so I’m free until three when I’m going to head over to pick her up.”

“Saw you sneaking in your place last night,” Uncle Ian said, and Yev quickly hid his smirk as I watched Uncle Ian sip his mug of coffee.

I shrugged. “So?”

“You don’t want to get your house arrest revoked, Iana,” Pops said, his voice firm. “Last thing you need is to go to prison.”

“Hey, your mom said something about having a job for me,” Yev said, saving his ass from possible incrimination.

I nodded, my eyes snapping to Yev’s. “Yep,” I replied. “Carlos got promoted to waiter, so you’ve got a job at the diner as a busboy, if you want it. Mom said you start on Monday.”

“Great,” Yev said. “On days that we have matching shifts, or similar ones, you mind if I catch a ride with you?”

I shook my head. “No, that’s fine. But I usually drop off Hailey at daycare beforehand, if that’s not a problem for you.”

“Should be fine,” Yev replied.

“How’s things with Axel?” Uncle Ian asked.

I sighed, vaguely listening to Yev muttering to himself, whereupon Pops turned and looked from one of us to the other. “What?” I asked him.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on here?” Pops asked.

I scoffed. “Not really,” I replied, tipping the bottle back into my mouth.

Pops turned to look at Yev. “How about you?”

“Son of a bitch fucking grabbed her, that’s what,” Yev said, shaking his head.

I swallowed, glaring at him. “Yev!”

“Sorry, Iana,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “He needs to know.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shit,” I muttered.

“What the fuck do you mean he grabbed you?!” Pops demanded.

“Mick,” Uncle Ian said.

“No, she needs to tell us!” Pops said, looking scared shitless as he turned back to me. “Did Axel get rough with you?”

I shook my head. “No,” I told him.

“Don’t lie, Iana!” Yev said, throwing up his hands as Pops turned back to him. “The fuckwad was holding her by the arms and pretty much yelling in her face. Thank god I got over there when I did; who knows what he would’ve done to her?”

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “It’s not a big deal.”

“This isn’t funny, Iana,” Uncle Ian said firmly.

“You’re sure as shit it’s not!” Pops yelled. “Did he hurt you?”

“No,” I told him, my voice firm. “No, he hasn’t hurt me. It’s all okay. Promise.”

“If that asshole tries to…” Pops began.

“Mick,” Uncle Ian said, his voice firm.

“It’s fine,” I told them, feeling my phone vibrating in my jeans pocket. “Fuck,” I muttered, and chugged the rest of it before whipping it out of my pocket. “Speak of the devil,” I said, tossing the bottle into the bin.

“Let me talk to him,” Pops said, stepping forward.

“Uh, how about no?” I said, giving him a look as I turned around and stepped into the living room before answering my phone. “What?!” I demanded. “You think you can just fucking call after over two weeks of going fucking full-silent? What the fuck, Axel?!”

“That’s my girl,” Pops said under his breath, and I shot him a look.

“Look, I know I was out of line, and I’m sorry,” he replied, and I dragged my hand down my face in a moment of exasperation. “I came over to talk, but it doesn’t look like anybody’s home here… Did you have a shift today?”

“No, I have off,” I said, walking towards the front door. “And of course nobody’s home, dumbass, because I’m fucking across the street,” I said, throwing open the door and hanging up the phone. “You wanna talk?” I shouted.

Axel turned around from where he stood on my place’s front porch, and I saw him hanging up his own phone. “Yeah,” he called back.

“Good,” I said, crossing my arms. “So, get over here.”

Axel moved down the stairs and through the gate, before coming across the street. He hesitated for a moment before he stepped onto the sidewalk, but he immediately came forward and stepped through the gate, and into the front yard, but stopped when I held up my hand. “What’s the problem now?”

“That’s far enough,” I told him, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the cold. “So, what the fuck do you want?”

“See you got your ankle bracelet off,” he said, nodding to my leg.

“Yep,” I replied, shrugging. “My mom got permission from my dad to do it, so no more house arrest for me.”

Axel breathed out then, obviously relieved. “So, the charges were dropped?”

I nodded. “Yeah, last week. Took longer because of some goddamned bureaucracy or some shit, I don’t fucking know. My dad paid off a judge,” I said, the six words just hanging there, suspended between us, and I still couldn’t believe them.

“He paid off a judge?”

I sighed, blowing out a puff of air then. “Yeah,” I replied, hating it when a pair of tears were suspended by my lashes. “So, all this, it’s over. I just have to stay on my new meds this time around, and the charges are all dropped. But my dad… He said that this would be the last time he’d do something like this for me. It was my last chance, because he already did it before, so now I’m really on my own.”

Axel nodded. “I can understand that.”

“And you think I can’t?” I demanded, stupidly walking down the stairs and going toe-to-toe with him, staring up into his eyes as the rage threatened to bubble off my body and burn him. “I mean, let’s face it, after that little display the last time I saw you, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I don’t know a fucking thing about you anymore.”

Axel stared down at me then, hesitant. “That’s not fair, Iana.”

“Maybe not,” I countered, “but it sure as shit wasn’t fair for you to go all grabby on me when you weren’t getting the answers that you wanted. I can’t date a goddamned toddler, Axel; I’ve almost got one of those myself. I need a man, and if it’s not going to be you…”

“Don’t say that,” Axel said then, his voice barely above a whisper then as his eyes suddenly decided to fill with emotion. “Don’t say that that man isn’t me.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” I whispered back to him. “What do you want me to say right now, Axel?”

“I want you to say you accept my apology…”

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied. “Are you apologizing?”

“Of course I’m apologizing,” he said, heat behind his tone. “Of course I’m fucking sorry, Iana, for everything. I was totally out of line and I regret it.”

I swallowed then, knowing exactly what I was getting myself into. “There can’t be a repeat performance of what happened,” I told him, my voice firm. “If you think you can get away with that shit with me, you’re dead wrong. If there is a next time it happens, Axel Richland, then you’re going to be beaten to a fucking bloody pulp, and I’ll happily go to jail if charges are pressed in that situation, because I do not deserve to be treated that way in any romantic relationship I’m in. It’s a danger to me, and to my daughter, and I won’t accept it.”

Axel nodded. “I understand that,” he assured me. “And I promise there won’t be a repeat performance, Iana. There won’t be.”

I nodded back at him. “I’m glad to hear it,” I replied, my heart skipping a beat when his hand found mine.

“I missed you,” he said quietly.

I nodded then, standing on my toes and kissing him, feeling the heat from his other hand as it came around my waist. “I missed you, too,” I replied.

. . .

Thanksgiving dawned a week later, and I was very surprised when Axel made it known that he would be spending it with me and my family that year. I was further pleased that we were having it at Pops and Uncle Ian’s place, now with all my siblings represented. As it was Hailey’s first Thanksgiving, I wanted to make it as special for her as possible, and it touched me when Ezra never left her side throughout the meal preparations.

“So sweet to have an unofficial babysitter for her,” I told Franny as we got the massive table ready to accommodate my parents, Pops, Uncle Ian, Aunt Debbie, Ezra, Clark, Uncle Lip, Aunt Mandy, Ronan, Axel, Hailey, Clayton, Fionn, Carla, Charlie, Yevgeny, Franny, and I. “I wonder if he’ll leave her side and run to Ronan when Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy show up…”

“He loves Ronan,” Franny said quietly, “but Hailey he adores.”

I laughed then, straightening the placemats my mother had bought for the occasion. “If you say your son loves Hailey, then I’m inclined to believe you,” I told her.

“Scout’s honor,” Franny said, flashing me a grin.

Once Franny made it clear that she could handle the table on her own, I checked on Hailey, but Ezra assured me that they were fine, and that he was teaching her how to say his name. I found the arrangement very amusing as I kissed both their foreheads and headed into the kitchen. “You doing all right in here?” I asked, sandwiching myself between Pops and Uncle Ian.

“Fine,” Uncle Ian replied, as he cut up potatoes.

“Killing it,” Pops informed me, as he tore apart green beans, although his eyes were fixated on the table in the kitchen, where Axel, Yev, and Clark were talking.

“Pops,” I said, taking ahold of his hands, and stopping him from destroying perfectly innocent pieces of vegetation. “Why don’t you go and sit down in the living room with Mom and Dad for a little while? I’ll take over.”

“I’ve got it, Iana…”

“You’re tearing them to pieces,” I said, and his eyes lowered to the beans. “If you don’t want to sit in the living room, fine. Let’s take a few minutes, okay?”

Pops sighed. “Fine,” he replied.

“Great,” I said, and walked over to the living room. “Mom, can you take over green bean duty, please? Pops and I need a minute…”

Mom nodded, kissing Dad’s cheek and getting to her feet. “No problem,” she said, moving to stand next to Uncle Ian. “Hi, twin,” she said, grinning at him.

“Hey, twin,” he replied.

“Come on,” I said to Pops, putting my hand on his shoulder and leading him towards the back door and opening it. “Be out in a sec,” I told him, turning to Axel. “Pops and I will be just outside if you need us.”

“Great,” Axel said, and I leaned down to kiss him. “See you soon.”

“Of course, of course,” I replied, stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind me. I went down the stairs, seeing Pops standing in the middle of the always-dead grass of the backyard. “I guess there’s something on your mind,” I said, coming to stand behind him. In the silence that followed, I got my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit up two, securing them in my teeth as I re-pocketed the box and my lighter, and handed over one to Pops.

“Thanks,” he replied.

“You’re welcome,” I told him. “Now, what’s up?”

“I hate Axel for what he did.”

I scoffed, taking ahold of my cigarette and removing it from my mouth before I blew out a serious amount of smoke. “Please. You and Uncle Ian beat the shit out of each other before you fuck, and that isn’t healthy either…”

“That’s different,” Pops replied, and I shrugged.

“Whatever,” I replied.

“I guess it just kills me that you don’t respect yourself.”

“Oh, I fucking respect myself all right, Pops,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “I told Axel that it could not happen again and if it did, I’d kill him. Simple as that.”

“Nicholas said he wouldn’t get you out of anything anymore…”

“I’d plead insanity,” I said simply.

“What if they lock you up?”

I turned to Pops and grinned. “Haven’t had pussy in a while,” I replied. “Maybe I’d make every inmate in the women’s prison my bitch…”

Pops laughed, putting an arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple. “You’re a fucking Milkovich all right,” he informed me.

After calming Pops down enough to get through dinner and dessert, he and I headed back inside to see if we could help with anything else. Things continued in this lull that we’d established, with Dad and the boys watching T.V. in the living room, Carla attempting to keep an eye on Ezra and Hailey close by, Clark and Axel and Yev talking in the kitchen, and Franny and I helping the rest of the real adults cook. Once everything was just about ready, Aunt Mandy, Uncle Lip, and Baby Ronan arrived, and everyone’s attention was momentarily drawn to them, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Mom?” I asked, once I’d turned around.

“Got a minute?”

I nodded. “Sure,” I replied.

Mom turned and walked up the kitchen stairs and I followed, remembering all those times as a child whenever she and Dad would sneak up there for a “private” conversation. “Look, I don’t want to play lawyer ball here or the parent card, Iana, but I want some answers,” she said as she turned to face me.

“Okay,” I said, crossing my arms. “What do you mean?”

“How serious are you and Axel?”

I sighed. “Not this again…”

“No, honey, please,” she said, reaching out and taking ahold of my wrist. “I really want to know what’s been going on with you. Ever since the assault on Terry, I feel as if you’ve been pushing me away again.”

I hunched my shoulders. “Maybe because I am.”

“Why would you do that, sweetheart?” she asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know. More independence, maybe?” I asked.

She sighed back. “Honey, I just feel like I’m losing you too soon,” she went on, cupping my cheek in her hand. “I mean, you would’ve gone to college had Hailey not been the blessing in our lives she was always meant to be, and I would have lost you sooner, but… I don’t know. I guess I’m sensing something here…”

I shake my head at her. “You’re not sensing anything, Mom…”

“Then why do I feel like you’re lying to me?” she asks.

My eyes shoot to hers. “Mom…”

“Honey, just… Tell me,” she says, her voice quiet. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. Just tell me before it’s too late.”

I scoffed then, turning around. “Just drop it,” I told her.

“Iana Phillipa Milkovich!” she calls after me then, and I stop dead in my tracks, but refuse to turn back around to face her. “I promise, sweetheart, it’s not too late…”

I shook my head, dashing the tears from my eyes, but failing miserably to get them all. “It’s already too late,” I tell her, clenching my teeth to prevent my voice from breaking before making a beeline for the staircase to finish this conversation before it truly begins.

. . .

I did my best to avoid confrontation and, over the next few weeks, I focused on Hailey, work, and my relationship with Axel to the point where I barely had the need to speak with my family at all. When Ronan’s welcome-to-the-family party arrived two weeks after Thanksgiving, I did my best to regulate myself to a corner, just keeping a good grip on Hailey, and making sure she was having a good time. I was slightly annoyed that Axel had a shift at the prison that day, so he was unavailable to be my protector from conversation at this gathering. So, there I stood, wearing a matching dress to Hailey’s, and hating every minute of it. I would’ve wanted to wear a blazer of some kind, and a skirt I would’ve been fine with, but not a fucking dress…

“Iana,” Yev said, coming closer to me.

 _Shit_ , I thought to myself, _and so it begins_ … “Hey, Yev,” I managed to get out, feeling relieved when Hailey didn’t reach for him, as she was officially my lifeline now. “How’s it going? You excited for another cousin?”

“Sure,” he replied, looking around the apartment, which was decked out for the celebration, with numerous gifts covering every surface that wasn’t a suitable seat, which were already taken up with members of our family. “Can we talk?”

My eyes snapped to his then, and I immediately felt nervous. “Why?”

“Can you just give Hailey to your mom for five minutes, please?” he asked.

I gritted my teeth. “Fine,” I replied. “Go to the back hallway, and I’ll meet you there in a second, okay?”

Yev nodded. “Great,” he replied, and moved back there.

I walked towards my mom then, hoping she wouldn’t hold Thanksgiving against me. “Hi, Mom,” I said, deliberately making my tone brighter.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said, smiling at me. “You okay?”

“Fine,” I assured her. “I just have to use the bathroom. Could you take Hailey for about five minutes or so?”

“Always,” Mom said taking ahold of my daughter without hesitation and sweeping her into her arms. “Hi,” she said, and I watched as Hailey’s eyes met hers, and Mom was rewarded with a giant coo that escaped from her lips.

“Gamma!” Hailey shouted.

“Hi, angel!” Mom said happily.

I smiled at the display. “Thanks,” I said, quickly turning around and heading into the back hall then, and saw that Yev was pacing. “Okay, you got me here and alone,” I said, my voice dripping with annoyance as I stepped forward. “Now, what’s up?”

Yev sighed, leaning up against the wall, his hands stuffed into his pockets. “Look, I don’t know how to say this, but I think we need to stop lying now.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

He sighed. “About the whole thing with Terry…”

“You shut your mouth,” I said, cutting across his words as I stepped closer to him. “Are you insane?! Clark is literally on the other side of that wall, and he’s a fucking cop! Do you realize what could happen if he heard us?!”

“Iana, this is my family, too,” Yev said, his voice firm. “What’ll they think of me? They’ll think I begged you to take the blame…”

“You didn’t,” I hissed at him, narrowing my eyes. “It was my idea, all of it, and you know it. I brought you there, provoked you, set the plan into motion. It’s my fucking fault, Yev; just mine, not yours.”

“I know my own mind,” he replied. “I’m the one that beat Terry to a bloody pulp when I found out that he literally paid my mother to rape our father. I know how to process my own thoughts here, Iana, and I didn’t ask for your help, because I don’t need it.”

“Well, it’s too late anyway,” I shot back. “The charges have been dropped and the case has been dismissed, so congratulations, Yev, you’re off the hook!” I said, throwing my hands up into the air in a moment of sarcastic exultation. “You’re fucking welcome,” I said, turning on my heel and heading back out to the party. I stop dead in my tracks as the door comes crashing open then, and dash over to take Hailey once I see who it is.

“Hello, beautiful family!” Frank booms from the doorway.

“Shit,” Mom, Uncle Ian, Uncle Lip, and Aunt Debbie say at the same time.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Pops says.

“Not this again,” Franny and I say, each of us holding Ezra and Hailey close respectively, and we’ve gravitated towards one another to boot.

“Lip, you said your dad didn’t know…” Aunt Mandy began, holding Ronan close to her as Uncle Lip immediately moved in front of her.

“Believe me, he didn’t,” Uncle Lip said, his voice firm.

“Kids, come here,” Dad said, and Clayton, Fionn, Carla, and Charlie all gravitated towards Mom and Dad respectively.

“Let’s take inventory here!” Frank said, looking everyone over. “Know you, know you… Don’t know you yet,” he said, his eyes resting briefly on Hailey. “You I’d remember,” he said to Yev, who I suddenly realized was standing on my other side, “and you must be my new little grandson! Hello!” Frank gushed then, as Mom and Aunt Debbie rolled their eyes at each other and gagged.

“This is Ronan,” Aunt Mandy said, her voice tight, and making no move to allow Frank to hold the baby. “Ronan Ian Gallagher.”

“He is just beautiful, isn’t he, Lip?” he asked Uncle Lip.

“Sure, Frank,” Uncle Lip replied.

“Who the hell is this guy?” Yev whispered to me.

I scoffed. “That’s a long story…”

“Give me the short one, then,” Yev replied.

I sighed. “That would be Frank,” I replied.

“Am I related to him?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, he’s my mother’s father, so count yourself lucky you escaped that grandfather, too,” I muttered, continuing to hold Hailey close in case she decided to make a jail break and attempt to walk for the first time, and I couldn’t let her target be Frank.


	8. Shaking Things Up

Christmas morning dawned with a good few inches of snow on the ground, and I pulled back my covers, turning over slightly to kiss Axel on the temple. “Christmas morning,” I said quietly to him, and Axel smirked as he opened his eyes. “Morning, you,” I said, grinning down at him and letting out a squeal when he flipped me over so as I was on my back.

“Good morning to you, too,” Axel said, a smile sweeping his face effortlessly as he leaned down and brushed his lips with mine.

I feel the soft giggle escaping my throat as my hands cup his face, and my tongue immediately moves upwards to meet his. I feel my heart pounding immediately as his mouth opens automatically above mine, and just as I begin to feel his muscular back through his sleep shirt, Hailey stirs from her crib and Axel groans sarcastically, flopping down rather dramatically on top of me. “Come on,” I said, slapping his back for a moment until he rolled off me, playfully grumbling all the way. “Motherhood calls,” I said, pulling down my tank top, as his hands had managed to snake beneath it, and dragged down the legs of my sleep pants as I got out of bed and crossed over to Hailey’s crib. “Hi, sweetie,” I said, picking her up.

“Mama!” Hailey said, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hi, baby,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Oh, boy. Looks like someone just dropped me a Christmas bonus, right in her very own stocking!” I said, singing to myself a Christmas carol or two as I brought her over to the changing table. “Remember the schedule today?” I asked, looking briefly over my shoulder at Axel, who was sitting up in bed and was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Yeah,” Axel said, clearing his throat and stretching his muscular arms high above his head. “I have breakfast with your family downstairs, then we head over to Ian and Mickey’s place before lunch for presents. Everyone will be there who lives in town, and normally Fiona tries to head down from New York but can’t make it until after New Year’s because of that kid that her and your uncle Jimmy are fostering.”

“Good man, remembering all that,” I said, flashing him a smile before I turned back to Hailey, who was swinging her legs happily and attempting to grab onto my hair. “No, no,” I said, doing my best to keep smiling down at her. “We do not grab Mama’s hair, Hailey, no.” I did my best to clean her up and quickly, before I painstakingly re-buttoned up her Christmas sleep onesie, did a quick job at sanitizing my hands, and took her back into my arms. “Ready to head down for the world famous Christmas breakfast?” I asked, stepping towards the bed. “Chocolate chip pancakes, heaps of bacon and sausage, and fried eggs coming out your ears?” I went on, grinning at him with excitement.

Axel pouted slightly. “Maybe you could casually hand off Hailey to Fionn for five minutes while we spend a little holiday time alone.”

I scoffed. “Really?” I said, stepping back so that I was out of his reach. “It’s fucking Christmas right now, Axel. You’d need to work a little more than five minutes, if you know what I mean,” I said, giving a cursory glance between my own legs, and Axel licked his lips at the challenge. “I would rather us put on our robes and slippers and head downstairs. I’m hungry.”

“Me too,” Axel replied, crawling towards me and taking ahold of my hips. “And as good as your mom’s chocolate chip pancakes are, I’m hungry for something a little different.”

“And that’s my cue,” said a voice on the other side of my bedroom door, which came open rather quickly then, and Axel jumped back from me as if I’d electrocuted him. “I’m not gonna hit you, Axel,” Dad said, looking like he was about ready to kill him nonetheless. “I’m not gonna even hurt you, because it’s a holiday…”

“Dad,” I said, my voice firm.

“That, and I promised your mother I wouldn’t when I came to get you for breakfast,” Dad went on then, taking Hailey into his arms after she reached for him. “Speaking of, your mother would like the three of you downstairs for breakfast,” he went on, putting an arm around my shoulders and leading me towards the door. “And you,” he said, turning back to Axel, who was now out of bed and standing at attention, “I let you spend the night now and again, share a bed with my daughter, and eat my food, but don’t let me ever hear you saying something like that to her ever again. Do you understand me?”

“Loud and clear, Nicholas,” Axel said, swallowing visibly.

Dad nodded. “Good man. Maybe I won’t have to kill you now.”

“Dad!” I shouted, taking Hailey out of his arms and grabbing Axel, pulling him after me and down the stairs. “I’m so telling Mom!” I called back to him.

Hailey settled easily after we got some breakfast into her, and we all of us had a lovely meal, once Mom had spoken to Dad about his behavior towards Axel. Once breakfast was eaten and Mom and Dad said they’d do the dishes, all of us kids trooped upstairs to get ready to head over to Pops and Uncle Ian’s place for gifts and later, dinner. I’d already bought Hailey a new outfit for the day; it was a dark green velvet dress with a white lace collar, hem, and sleeves, along with a skirt that flared out rather becomingly.

“You’re really going all-out there,” Axel said, putting on his nicer pair of blue jeans, along with the holiday sweater I’d bought for him.

I laughed, zipping up the back of Hailey’s dress after I made sure she was still clean, and put a pair of white tights on her, plus her black Mary Jane shoes. “It’s her first Christmas,” I replied in a patient tone, putting her in the center of the bed while I got ready myself. “I want my daughter to look the part.”

“And what part are you going to look like?” Axel asked, watching as I took off my tank top, and grinned in approval, to which I flipped him off.

“Hey, my eyes are up here,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him as I turned back to my dresser, getting out a pair of black leggings for myself, and yanking them on quickly, before I got out a bra and a plain T-shirt, before putting my holiday sweater on top of that. “It’s not so much that Hailey has to look like a certain someone, and neither do I,” I said carefully, getting on a pair of socks before I put on my knee-high, black leather boots. “I just want my daughter to look beautiful on my favorite holiday. Is that too much to want?”

Axel shook his head. “No, of course not,” he replied, scooping up Hailey as he sat down on the bed and held her against him. “It’s not too much to ask.”

I nodded. “Glad you feel that way,” I told him, clipping my heart-shaped locket around my neck before I crossed over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my hair.

“Hey, Iana…”

“Yeah?” I asked, gathering my hair in a ponytail at first, but deciding to leave it down. “What’s up?” I asked again, wetting my toothbrush before putting paste on it.

“Why don’t you ever wear the necklace I got you?”

“What?” I asked, my toothbrush already in my mouth. I came out of the bathroom then, watching as Axel intermittently played with Hailey before he raised his eyes to mine. “The necklace that you gave me?” I asked, slowly dragging my toothbrush over my teeth so as he’d be able to understand me. “You mean the one you gave me three years ago, like hours before you broke my heart for the first time?”

Axel sighed. “Yeah, that would be the one…”

I bit my lip, holding up my finger for a moment as I returned to the bathroom. I took my toothbrush out of my mouth and turned on the water, before allowing myself to wash my mouth out and wash my hands. I dried them quickly then, before stepping out into my bedroom and leaning up against the doorframe of my bathroom, crossing my arms. “That necklace never brought me a lot of good luck, you know…”

Axel blinked. “What do you mean?”

I sighed. “I’ve literally only worn it three times,” I told him.

“When?”

“Christmas, when you broke my heart and I ran off,” I replied, holding up one finger. “The next time was that day in court, when shit went down,” I said, feeling relieved that Hailey was distracted by the pattern of Axel’s sweater. “And the last time was my sixteenth birthday, when I ended up pregnant with this one,” I said, nodding towards Hailey.

Axel sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “Look, I know I’ve made some mistakes with you, Iana, and I’m sorry for them. And I know you got that locket when we weren’t a couple, and I have no right to ask you not to, but…”

“But it makes you uncomfortable that I wear it?” I asked.

He nodded. “A little, yeah.”

“I told you already who it was from,” I replied. “It was from Penny’s assistant, who gets gifts for all Kennedy family and friends over the holidays. The only thing that makes it worthwhile for me is that it’s one of a kind.”

Axel raised his eyebrows. “It is?”

I nodded. “Yeah, Rose told me it was,” I replied. “But I just so happened to be eyeing the prototype before it went into production, and Penny must’ve mentioned it to Cherie, who then merely suggested that I own the only one, based on the fact that I’m one of Penny’s closest friends out there. That’s it, that’s the story,” I tell him, sitting beside him on the bed and kissing his temple. “You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m with you. I’m your girlfriend, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Axel nodded. “Okay,” he said, and I took Hailey out of his arms as he stood up, before pulling me effortlessly to my feet. “Let’s go have more Christmas, then.”

. . .

We headed over to Pops and Uncle Ian’s place as a family about an hour later and, needless to say, Hailey was immediately swept out of my arms by Pops as soon as we entered the house. I smirked at the display, with Hailey calling him “Papa” and Pops’s gleeful expression in return to her sweet voice. I then went to the kitchen after them, spying Uncle Ian spreading a glaze on the massive roast chicken we’d be eating that evening, and came up behind him.

“Hey,” I said, putting my arms around him.

“Hey, my beautiful namesake,” he replied, turning around and hugging me. “Having a good Christmas so far?”

I grinned. “We’re trying,” I replied, looking in the living room as Pops and Hailey paraded around the place, Ezra at their heels, begging him not to drop her, while Franny and Clark looked on proudly. “How long have they been here?”

“Couple of hours,” Uncle Ian said, kissing my forehead before squeezing my shoulders and turning back to the chicken. “Apparently, Ezra knew Santa came and wanted to share with his family the exciting news.”

I turned and looked at Uncle Ian. “He woke them up at the crack of dawn so they loaded the gifts in a bag and broke you and Pops out of celebrating Christmas morning in bed, didn’t they?” I asked, a knowing smile on my lips.

Uncle Ian smirked. “Ezra is a Gallagher,” he replied with a shrug. “We know what we want and we go for it.”

“Is that right?” Pops asked, heading into the kitchen, while Yev came down the stairs. “Morning to you, son,” he called.

“Hey, Dad,” Yev replied, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as Uncle Ian quickly poured him a cup of coffee. “Thanks a lot, Ian.”

“No problem, Yev,” he replied, focusing on the chicken again.

I walked over to Yev as he sipped his coffee and he automatically lifted up an arm and put it around me, although I knew he was staring in the living room at Axel, who was telling Ezra stories about the prison, while Franny looked ready to jump in if any PG-13-related elements came into play. “Be nice,” I said, taking back Hailey from Pops as she reached for me.

“I didn’t say anything,” Yev replied, throwing up his hands.

“You didn’t have to, son,” Pops replied. “Iana’s just as much a Milkovich as you are, and we have eyes in the backs of our heads.”

“Hey, let’s talk about something pleasant,” Uncle Ian said, his voice firm. “It’s Christmas, a season of giving and togetherness…”

“Say something that sappy again and I’ll knock your fucking teeth out,” Pops replied, but turned and looked at Uncle Ian with a grin.

“Well, Hailey and I have been working on something, right, baby?” I asked, turning to look at her, and was rewarded with a smile. “Do you want to show them?”

“Yeah, Mama!” she cried, clapping her hands.

“Okay,” I said, carefully lowering her to the ground, and she automatically elongated her legs to meet the floor, and yet still kept a firm grip on my hands. “Remember, sweetheart, take it slow, just like we practiced. There’s no rush.”

“Got it, Mama,” Hailey replied.

“You’re kidding,” Pops said, watching as I took a tiny step, and Hailey mirrored my movements precisely, until Pops bent down into a crouching position and held out his arms to her, and Hailey let go of my hands and meandered towards him, and Pops caught her before she could slip on the kitchen floor and take a tumble. “Oh, my god!” he cried out, and Yev, Uncle Ian, and I all clapped at what she’d done, as well as the vast majority of the people in the living room, who had migrated into the kitchen doorway to see what was going on. “You did so good!”

“Oh, my god, yeah I will!” we heard from the living room then, just as Pops straightened up completely and handed Hailey back to me.

The crowd by the kitchen door parted then, and my jaw nearly hit the floor when I saw that Clark was in front of Franny, on one knee, giving her a ring, which he slipped carefully onto her finger before he stood up. Franny then grabbed ahold of Clark’s collar then and kissed him, while Aunt Debbie, in the kitchen doorway crowd, wiped tears out of her eyes as Ezra held her hand. When Franny pulled away from Clark, and not a moment too soon, she beamed up at him, and it was as if the sun had risen on her face.

“Iana…” Her voice was quiet then, unsure, as she continued to grip Clark’s hands for a moment before she turned to me. “Can I have a moment, please?”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course,” I said, kissing Hailey’s forehead before handing her directly to Pops, whereupon I exited the kitchen and followed her out onto the front porch, shuffling out of the way as Franny moved to close the door behind me. “What’s up?” I asked, automatically crossing my arms around me as the icy winds whipped around us.

She grinned. “I’m engaged, woman!” she cried, showing me the ring.

It was clearly a vintage ring, but that in no way made it less beautiful; the diamond, no matter how old it was, had obviously been kept in good condition, and still sparkled in the winter light around us. The three-carat diamond was nestled in a crown motif, and its silver band was not battered in the slightest. Something about it, however, reeked of old world and love, and I saw just how happy Franny was with it.

“I know!” I cried out, throwing my arms around her and hugging her immediately thereafter, part of me never wanting to let her go. “Congratulations, Franny! I’m so happy for you!”

“You’ll be Maid of Honor, won’t you?” she asked, uncertainty peppering the back of her tone as she pulled away from me.

“What? Of course!” I cried. “I’m still your best friend!”

“And the closest thing I’ve got to a sister,” she added with a smile. Her eyes lowered to the ring, which she twisted around and around on her finger. “Wow…”

“It’s a very nice ring,” I told her.

She nodded. “It was his grandmother’s engagement ring,” she replied proudly. “She died about seven years ago, but she gave it to Mason to propose to Sarah with, and Sarah must’ve given it to Clark with Mason’s permission, I hope,” she added, grinning.

“Well, I’m sure they’d all want you to have it,” I assured her.

She nodded again, looking back up at me. “How are you and Axel?” she asked, cocking her head to one side. “Okay?”

I sighed, twisting my locket around my fingers. “It’s been shaky, since we resolved what happened with Terry,” I said quietly.

Franny looked unsure before she stepped closer, deliberately lowering her voice. “When are you going to tell him it wasn’t you?”

I shook my head. “No one does. Just you.”

She nodded, reaching out and clasping my hands. “Yev seems to be doing better, so I know you think you did the right thing,” she assures me. “Just… Be careful, yeah?”

I nodded. “No problem,” I told her.

She sighed. “Well, it’s getting too cold for me out her,” she added, a nervous laugh escaping her lips as she moved back towards the door. “You coming?”

“In a moment,” I told her. “Tell them I just needed a minute.”

Franny smiles. “Of course,” she says, slipping back into the house.

I sighed, turning away from the door and rolling my shoulders for a moment as my fingers found my locket again. I shook my head, dropping it and feeling inside my pocket for my phone, which I immediately removed and dialed the number, almost without thinking. I listened to the rings, and was just about to give up on the call entirely when the phone clicked.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” I said, forcing a smile to my lips as I heard his voice. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too, Iana,” Liam said, and I could tell he was happy to hear from me on such unexpected notice. “How are you?”

“Fine,” I replied. “How are you?”

“Fine,” he told me. “Is anything up?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head and turning back to look at the house, just to make sure that nobody was spying on me. “Guess you could say I wanted to hear a friend’s voice right about now, if that’s all right.”

“No, of course it’s all right, Iana,” he assured me. “How’s Hailey?”

“Brilliant,” I replied. “Talking up a storm, and she’s learning to walk. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of her.”

“As well you should be,” Liam replied. “What else is new?”

“Clark proposed to Franny,” I replied.

“No way! Really?” he asked. “Always liked him. He’s good for her.”

“Yeah, I think so, too,” I told him, my breath hitching in my throat then as Axel came to the door and opened it. “Listen, I’ve got to go now, all right?”

“All right, no problem,” he replied. “We’re seeing you and Axel for New Year’s, right?”

“The party, of course,” I said as Axel raised his eyebrows. “We won’t miss it,” I said, trying to wrap up the conversation. “See you then.”

“You too, Iana,” Liam replied as I hung up.

I reached behind Axel and yanked the door shut, while all the while he kept staring down at me with raised eyebrows. “What?” I asked, pocketing my phone.

“I should be asking you the same thing,” he replied, his voice slightly amused.

“Can’t a girl want a few moments alone with her boyfriend on Christmas without her family sticking their nose in it?” I asked.

Axel grinned. “Sounds good to me,” he replied, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him, kissing me on the lips. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

I laughed. “I’ve been told I have that quality, yeah.”

He ran his fingers along my back. “Talk to Fionn?”

I nodded. “Yeah. He’s moving the crib into his room tonight so that I can give you your Christmas present once everyone’s asleep. Although,” I said, reaching down and clasping him between his legs, and Axel shuddered with delight at my hands on him, “if my past calculations are correct, they’ll be awake in no time.”

Axel rolled his eyes playfully, leaning down and kissing me again. “All right, all right,” he said, and let me go, turning serious. “I actually have a gift for you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a box.

“Oh, no, no, no,” I said, shaking my head as my face flushed. “Axel, we’d have to get my parents’ permission and I’m too young and it’s too soon…”

“Shut up, it’s not what you think,” Axel said, laughing, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fine,” I said, crossing my arms. “Proceed, Mr. Richland.”

Axel smiled up at me, and slowly opened the box, a platinum key resting inside it. “This is for you, Iana,” he said, and handed it over.

“What is it?” I asked, weighing it in my hand.

“A key,” he replied, “to my apartment.”

I looked up at him then. “Wait. Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“Not yet,” he replied, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. “I just want you to have a key because I trust you, and I love you. And as soon as you turn eighteen, I want to discuss you and Hailey moving in with me,” he said, smiling down at me. “I want us to be a family, Iana, and this may be just a small gesture, a stepping-stone, if you will, but I really think that, maybe, in time, we can be one big family…”

I threw my arms around him then, finding his lips effortlessly as I closed my hand around the key and just held him for a moment, my lips pressed to his. “I love it,” I said, once I’d let him go and stood back on my own two feet. “I love it. Thank you, Axel,” I said.

“Anytime, Iana,” he replied, putting an arm around me and pulling me into the house, where I was shocked to see Clark standing there like a fucking bouncer.

“Clark?” I asked, but was suddenly shoved to the side by Axel, who clearly knew something I didn’t, as he was immediately slammed against the wall. “Hey, hey, hey!” I shouted then, trying and failing to get in between them. “What the fuck is going on here?!”

“She’s a fucking child, Axel, for fuck’s sake!” Clark yelled, as he himself was then slammed up against the wall. Clark immediately shoved Axel’s arms off him and socked him in the jaw, whereupon Axel smacked him backwards.

“It’s none of your goddamn business, Clark!” Axel shouted back.

“Is nothing sacred?!” Clark thundered, glaring at Axel, and rewarded my boyfriend by punching him in the nose.

“Whoa, whoa!” I said, as blood starting sputtering from his nose.

“Oh, you’re in for it now, Clark,” Axel promised, poised to strike again.

“Yev, Yev!” I screamed, knowing that neither of these boys would see reason, and felt immediate relief as Yev charged through the living room, and, once he saw the problem, yanked me out of there and got in between them.

“Cool it, both of you guys!” he said, slamming them both up against the wall. “Both of you need to seriously cool off. It’s fucking Christmas.”

Clark scoffed. “I don’t give a shit,” he replied.

Axel breathed heavily through his nose then, as blood came down his face. “The feeling’s mutual there,” he replied.

“Mom,” I called then, and she came forward, seeing the scene.

“On it,” she said, and returned with a towel for Axel and an ice pack for Clark, who was cradling his bruised chin.

“Here,” I said, tossing both articles of assistance to them.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to or not,” Yev said, his voice firm. “It’s Christmas, and you’re upsetting the family. It’s not cool.” He took a breath then, turning back to me for a moment, and, when he met my smile, turned back to the boys. “You’ve gotta trust Iana’s judgement here, man,” he said to Clark.

He shrugged. “Maybe…”

“And you,” he said, turning to Axel. “I don’t advocate in violence, but this is the second time you’ve been violent around my sister. I see it again, you’re gone.”

Axel shook his head. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Probably,” Yev replied. “Have you seen this family?”

Axel sighed, locking eyes with Yev. “I still don’t trust you.”

Clark looked up at him as well. “The feeling’s mutual there,” he muttered.

Yev nodded. “That’s fine,” he replied, “but the bottom line is, you don’t have to, and I’m not asking you to. Deal with it.”

. . .

The New Year’s party at Penny’s apartment suite was a success, with us toasting until well after midnight, before Axel and me headed to bed. I’d finally taken up Penny and Lacey’s generous offer of letting me spend the night there, on the condition that Axel join me, which they neither of them had any problem with. After showering off the stink of alcohol and changing for bed, I made a quick, tipsy call to Pops, who, along with Uncle Ian, was tasked with watching Hailey for me that evening. After his assurances that she was fine, I finally hung up on him and Axel and I went to bed.

I woke up the following morning close to ten and, when I turned to look at Axel, saw that he was still dead asleep. Smirking to myself, I went to the en suite bathroom and brushed my hair and my teeth before heading into the kitchen. I got a bottle of water from the fridge and sipped it, all the while leaning up against the counter and admiring the architecture of the place.

The front door opened soon thereafter, and I nearly ducked behind the counter when I saw Liam and Penny entering, but quickly decided against it. After all, Penny was a girl and my closest friend besides Franny, so it shouldn’t bother me. And, considering that Liam had pretty much seen every inch of my body before was an understatement. However, he hadn’t seen this much of it since I’d had Hailey; of course, I was proud of my body and hovered just two pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, and, at a hundred and twenty-two pounds, I looked good. Plus, my breasts had gone up a whole cup size since then, which Axel seemed to like, although Liam himself found himself staring at them.

“Morning, guys,” I said, chucking the finished bottle of water into the recycling and stepping out of the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“We brought doughnuts and hot chocolate, the ultimate hangover cure,” Penny said, air-kissing me on each cheek. “But you’ve just got this fantastic glow about you, Iana. You look like you slept well.”

I nodded, ignoring Liam’s awkward throat clearing; of course, he looked absolutely delicious in a white, button-down shirt with the first two buttons unbuttoned, a black blazer, black slacks, and those shiny black, patent leather shoes. “Slept well, thanks Penny. It was a little weird without Hailey around, but…” I shrugged. “We got used to it.”

“I’m sure you did,” Penny said, waltzing into the kitchen, her arms laiden with the doughnuts and hot chocolate that she’d confiscated from Liam’s arms.

“How is Hailey?” Liam asked.

I turned and looked at him. “She’s fine,” I said, smiling at him. “I told you at the party last night, and considering that there were no alarming text messages that she swallowed a button or something this morning, I think last night was cool.”

“Good,” he replied, smiling. “She’s such a sweet little girl, Iana. But, then again, she must get that sweetness from you.”

“Morning,” came Axel’s pointed voice as he strutted out of the bedroom, his sleep pants riding his hips, while his shirtless, tattooed torso left little to the imagination, and ownership radiated off his body as he threw a bare arm around my shoulders. “Who do we have here?”

“Liam was pretty busy entertaining my wannabe investors last night, Axel, so, unfortunately, you missed the opportunity to meet my big brother,” Penny said, strutting back into the main room of the apartment and placing a tray down onto the table, which held the hot chocolate in proper tea cups, and the doughnuts put onto a plate like they were posing for a foodie commercial or an Instagram photoshoot.

“So,” Axel said, looking Liam up and down. “You’re the famous Liam.”

“I guess I am,” Liam replied, putting out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Axel said, taking Liam’s hand and crushing it in his grip, and Penny and I gasped at once as the pain fleetingly flickered through Liam’s expression.

“Yeah, well, breakfast must be eaten with a shirt _on_ ,” I said, glaring up at Axel as my face turned red, as I shoved him back towards the bedroom. “Why don’t you put that on and come back when you’re a little more clothed?” I asked, turning and looking over my shoulder as Liam made himself an ice pack in the kitchen. “Jesus,” I muttered, dragging a hand over my face and crossing back to Penny. “I’m so sorry…”

“Iana, please,” Penny said, waving a manicured hand. “You have nothing to be sorry about the immaturity of men. Why do you think I could never fall for Desmond? Immature. Plus, the things I imagined Lacey doing with her mouth was a wish come true,” she said, and laughed a lyrical laugh. “In actuality, I didn’t come by just to bring you these doughnuts and hot chocolate, although personally think they add a nice touch…”

“Yeah?” I asked, crossing my arms momentarily before a cake doughnut with pink frosting and sprinkles caught my eye, whereupon I took it casually off the plate. “What was this really about, then?” I asked her, taking a bite.

“A business proposition,” Penny said, her tone gleeful as she clasped her hands together like a cheerleader or something.

Immediately, my hand flew to my mouth so that Penny could not see the chewed up pieces of doughnut in my mouth. “What?” I asked.

“A business proposition,” Penny said again, this time in a more serious tone. “Come. Let’s go out to the terrace,” she said, leading me down the back hallway and leading me out onto a luxurious balcony, which had walls around it. “They come down in the spring and summer,” Penny explained offhandedly. “It’s just to keep this place warm.”

I nodded. “It’s great,” I told her, following her to the modern couch and sitting when she motioned for me to do so.

“I remember you told me that you wanted to study business in college.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I was also president of the young business club at school, and took marketing all four years.”

“How’d you do?”

“All A’s, plus the club counted towards college credits,” I told her. “I wouldn’t have had to take as heavy a class load.”

Penny nodded. “That’s really impressive,” she replied. “I also assume that you’ve read plenty on the subject matter?”

I laughed. “Let’s just say that I pre-ordered my business textbooks, so by the time I’d decided to keep Hailey, I was so busy reading those that I barely found time for mommy books… I still read mommy books, though,” I said quickly.

Penny laughed. “Well, I’m glad,” she replied. “The reason why I’m glad is because we got the unfortunate news that Joanne Jennings, our former COO, has been money laundering within the company for over a year.”

“Jesus!” I cried out, touching Penny’s arm. “I’m so sorry!”

“We’re just lucky we got wind of the operation so quickly,” Penny said. “She was a sorority sister of my mother’s, but was constantly overlooked in favor of her, including when it came to my father, but, personally, I think Joanne dodged a bullet there,” she said, and shuddered. “So, I am formally asking you to resume her position.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I want you to be Joanne’s successor as COO,” she said.

I shook my head. “But, Penny, you need a business degree for that…”

“And you know so much already,” she replied. “Axel showed me your notes and the project proposal you had to create for your first college business class. You’re really good, Iana, too good to just go to college and have a company who doesn’t appreciate you and only gives a shit about money who’ll take advantage of you.”

I bit my lip. “But I don’t have a degree…”

“You can get a degree while you’re working,” she assured me.

“But…”

“Iana, look,” she said, leaning forward. “This is my business, and you’re my best friend. I think the two of us could work really well together.”

I sighed. “I don’t know…”

“The pay is thirty dollars an hour, and you work from nine to five,” she replied. “If your work output is excellent by six-months’ end, it goes up to fifty an hour. You’re expected to complete a minimum of three trips a year as a company obligation, with all of your traveling fees being paid by the company. We have a troop of background-checked nannies to help with childcare, if you so choose, and a real estate agent on call if you want to move closer to work. You’d also have access to top-of-the-line health insurance, family included, plus an annual twelve-week paid vacation time, which is added to your salary on a weekly basis if not used by the end of the calendar year. Your trips would include business meetings, hyping up the products we’ve laid out for you, and many meals to entertain clients. You’ll be provided with a wardrobe of your choosing and colors that go well with your skin tone, as well as outfits for every occasion, although we do love it when employees put their own personal flare on them,” she tells me with a wink. “You also have access to board-certified therapists, as well as a gym membership, and a masseuse for relaxation periods, twenty-minute minimum.”

I shook my head. “You’re kidding.”

“Starting salary is seventy-two thousand a year, darling,” Penny replied. “I don’t kid.”

I blinked. “You’re shitting me.”

“Oh, Iana, one thing you must know about me is that I never shit with people I care about,” she tells me patiently.

I nodded. “Okay,” I said.

She blinked. “Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll take the job.”

“Great!” she cried out, swinging her purse off her arm and retrieving a document and a pen from inside it. “This details all you need to know about the job, with a copy provided for you for your own records,” she says, handing me an identical copy.

I read every word of the document carefully; with two parents who are lawyers, you know that a contract is serious business, and shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Once I was assured that Penny hadn’t duped me, and that everything was in place, I signed my name at the bottom, and Penny signed it into agreement. “And so it is so,” I said softly.

Penny grinned. “And so it is so,” she agreed. “Is there anything else you’ll need before you start the position formally?”

I laughed. “Two things.”

She nodded. “Shoot.”

“One, a good way to tell my mom that I quit,” I tell her, and Penny laughs.

“I’ll help you with that, never fear. What’s the second thing?”

“I need a passport, and I guess I should get one for Hailey as well,” I said with a shrug. “Kill two birds with one stone now…”

Penny nodded. “We have a liaison for things like that,” she tells me. “I’ll send him an email and set that all up.”

“Thanks,” I say, putting out my hand, “boss.”

“Thank you,” she replied, taking my hand and shaking it, “COO.”


	9. You’re So Cupid

Axel dropped me off at home, after a mostly silent drive back to my place, and I let him paw at me a little more than I usually did when we were in one of our cars. I knew, deep down, that I was compensating, and such a thing was really unhealthy, but I couldn’t help it. A part of me, the part of me that I knew that my meds would never be able to help, felt like I needed to compensate for what had happened between him and Liam at the suite, and he needed to know where my loyalties were lying. Although I knew that communication was the healthiest thing for the two of us, especially when another person attempted to make a claim for me, Axel had to know that I was his girlfriend, no matter what.

“I’ll see you soon?” he asked, dragging his hand along my breast, while his other hand cupped my face.

I tilted my head back then, and the latter of his hands fell. “You know it,” I told him, forcing a smile to my lips before I hopped out of the car. I waved him off before I crossed the street and let myself into Pops and Uncle Ian’s place, spotting Hailey in her little daybed in the living room, participating in her morning nap as Pops and Yev stood in the kitchen, just a few feet away, obviously shooting the breeze. “Hey, guys,” I said, stepping inside and accepting both their hugs in turn. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, kiddo,” Pops said.

“Happy New Year, sis,” Yev put in.

I grinned at them. “Thanks,” I replied, turning and seeing that Hailey had stirred completely and was now standing in her day bed, and, taking a chance, crossed over and lifted her out, placing her on the ground on her own two feet, and held tightly to her hands. “Wanna try to walk a little bit, baby?” I asked.

Hailey grinned. “Okay, Mama!”

I smiled down at her, knowing that her expression matched mine. I lifted her hands to grip onto the edge of the daybed, instructing her to grab it at any time she wanted to, as I carefully took a few steps back from her. “Okay, baby. Wanna try to walk to Mama?”

Hailey nodded, determination filling her face then. “Gonna try, Mama,” she replied.

I nodded. “That’s good, baby. Try it.”

Hailey kept her feet glued to the wood floor beneath her, at first, almost as if she was afraid to lift them, but, gradually, as she shuffled by the side of her day bed, she carefully lifted one of her feet and put it down gently, and, invigorated, lifted her feet as she walked towards me, letting go of the daybed and coming at full force towards me. “Mama, I walk!” she crowed, throwing herself into my arms without making any mistakes. “Hailey walk!”

“That’s right, sweetheart!” I replied, lifting her up then and kissing her brow. “Look at you! You are turning into such a big girl!”

“A real Milkovich,” Pops said proudly from the kitchen doorway.

“She looks like one, acts like one, and talks like one,” Yev said, and Pops clapped him on the shoulder with a grin.

“Just what I needed, after last night,” I said quietly, placing my forehead against Hailey’s, and inhaling that sweet baby smell of hers.

“Axel get out of hand?” Yev demanded then, narrowing his eyes.

I sighed, putting Hailey back into the daybed, and she immediately curled up into a ball and was quickly fast asleep. “You could say that, yeah,” I muttered, pushing past them and into the kitchen, whereupon I grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it automatically.

“Eat breakfast yet?” Pops asked.

“Fuck breakfast,” I said, my tone guttural.

“Okay, what the fuck did Axel do last night?!” Yev demanded through his teeth, and I raised my eyes to his then. “If that son of a bitch got out of line…”

“Yev!” I cried out then, knowing that I couldn’t keep going to bat for him when it came to assault charges. “Stop. That’s enough.”

“We’re just worried, kiddo,” Pops said, his tone more civil, although I could detect the notion that he was worried for me. “Just tell us what happened.”

“Son of a bitch, it wasn’t even directed at me… At least, not really,” I said, tipping the bottle back so that the beer went down my throat effortlessly.

“What happened?” Yev asked.

I sighed, leaning back against the fridge. “Liam and Penny showed up this morning, okay?” I said then, shrugging my shoulders.

“Okay?” Pops asked, spreading his hands. “It’s kind of Penny’s work space, so she’s got every right to be there…”

“Axel and Liam get into it?” Yev wanted to know.

I pointed at him with my index finger, while all the while, the rest of my hand managed to stay wrapped around the beer bottle. “Bingo,” I replied, taking another sip.

“You stay for the fight with Penny?” Pops joked. “Place bets?”

I shook my head, swallowing my mouthful of beer. “Nope,” I replied. “Penny showed me the back balcony of the penthouse and did something I never anticipated…”

Yev raised his eyebrows. “Thought you and Axel were exclusive.”

I stared at Yev then, flipping him off. “Fuck you,” I replied without hesitation, and I detected Pops smirking from the corner of my eye. “That’s not what happened at all, okay? And yeah, Axel and I are exclusive, for fuck’s sake…”

“Your brother gets it, Iana,” Pops said, fixing the pair of us with looks before he turned back to look at me. “Okay, let’s hear it. What’d you and Penny talk about?”

“She offered me a job,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and tipping the beer bottle back towards my mouth, as Pops and Yev looked at each other.

“Wait. A job?” Yev demanded, turning to look at me. “What kind of job?”

“Yeah, I mean, what are you even qualified to do?” Pops asked.

I scoffed, sticking my tongue out at them. “Thanks for the vote of confidence…”

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry,” Pops said, dragging a hand down his face. “So, tell us. Is this job better than the assistant manager position at Patsy’s?”

“A million times better,” I replied with a nod. “It’s COO.”

“COO?” Pops asked. “What’s that one again?”

“It’s like a step down from a CEO,” Yev explained, and Pops nodded, seeming to understand. “I mean, in layman's terms, I guess… Are you being fucking serious right now, Iana?”

I nodded. “Of course I’m being serious,” I replied, finishing my beer and flashing them both smiles before I checked my phone. “And I’ve gotta get Franny home for lunch…”

“Did you take the job?” Pops asked, following me, Yev at his heels, into the living room as I scooped up Hailey, who nestling quickly in my arms, and opened her eyes.

“Signed the contract and everything,” I said, nodding in thanks at Yev as he picked up Hailey’s baby bag. “Just gotta get passports situated for me and Hailey, and then we’re ready to rock, I guess…” I said with a shrug.

“Sounds like fun,” Yev said, “but we’ll miss you at the diner.”

I sighed. “Well, Mom doesn’t know yet. I have a shift tomorrow around yours, so you’ll catch a ride with me and I’ll figure out how to tell her then.”

“Be gentle with her,” Pops warned.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the tip,” I said, crossing over to him and hugging him. “Want to come by for a while?” I asked Yev. “I need to jump in the shower at some point after I give Hailey her lunch, and I’d need somebody to check on her…”

Yev nodded, putting Hailey’s baby bag over his arm. “No problem.”

“See ya, Pops,” I said, moving towards the front door.

“Bye, Dad,” Yev said.

“Catch you kids later,” Pops said, waving us off as we trooped outside and across the street.

“Wish you could’ve come last night,” I said as I opened the gate and stepped through the front yard and up the stairs.

“Yeah?” Yev asked, waiting beside me as I fished the keys out of my pocket and moved to open the door. “Why’s that?”

I grinned. “Maybe because I think a certain someone at these functions is your type,” I said, and moved my eyebrows up and down dramatically, and Yev rolled his eyes as I stuck my key into the lock, turned it, and stepped inside.

“Yeah, right,” Yev said as we stepped into the living room. “You know as well as I do that parties like that aren’t really my scene…”

“Grandma Allie?” I asked, taking my eyes off Yev and spotting her, sitting there on the couch like she fucking owned the place. “What are you doing here?” I said, keeping my tone guarded as I gritted my teeth around the words.

She got to her feet then, her matching purple outfit an assault to my eyes so early in the day as I stood there, opposite her, Yev just behind me. “I thought I’d come see some of my family,” she said, giving Hailey and me a cursory glance, her lips a thin line, and I knew, based on that look alone, that she did not mean me. “Where are they?”

“Mom and Dad are out of town for the night,” I said, keeping myself as calm as possible, not wanting to upset Hailey.

“And my grandchildren?” she demanded.

“Clayton and Fionn are at a sleepover,” I kept going, knowing full well that wanting to hit her and actually hitting her were two totally different things. “Carla is at Franny’s for the night helping take care of Ezra, and Charlie is with Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy, getting in some bonding time with Ronan.”

“Who is this again?” Yev whispered to me.

“My dad’s mother,” I told him softly.

Yev nodded. “Got it,” he replied, his hackles already rising, due to him knowing exactly what she and Grandpa Hugo had put me through on my last visit to their house.

“Well, I see you didn’t heed Hugo’s and my advice,” Grandma Allie went on, her tone prim and proper with a high and mighty back to it.

I swallowed then, doing my very best to keep my temper with her. “And what advice was that, Grandma Allie?” I asked, and she bristled slightly at the title.

“The advice that we sent you via letter, although based on the notion that we never heard a reply, we guessed that you tore it up upon reading it,” she went on.

I blinked, shaking my head at her then. “If you recall, I always write you back whenever you send me letters,” I told her. “The last letter I got from you guys was for my fourteenth birthday, before I was seen as inferior in your eyes.”

“You nearly beat a man to death, Iana,” Grandma Allie fired back, keeping her tone in check, and yet I could hear and feel the rage behind it. “What were Hugo and I supposed to think? It was enough that that mother of yours was representing you… Hugo and I attempted to step in and convince your father to leave her, but when he refused, everything got worse when the judge declined our suit for custody…”

I stammered then, unsure of her meaning. “Suit for custody?” I demanded then, handing Hailey over to Yev without a moment’s hesitation so that I could step forward then, and she stared at me then, seemingly nervous at my closeness to her. “I know you tried to take my boys away from me when I was five and they were babies, and you certainly freaked the fuck out when I told you that I would make good on us disappearing, but it was a prank. I knew you wouldn’t be so stupid as to drive us all into hiding; me, maybe, but not them. But they’re my children, Allie, mine, and you’ve got no claim to them.”

“You were a child,” she sniffed. “You’ve got no maternal claim to them.”

“I have _every_ maternal claim to them,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her. “But let’s go back to what you just said, just now. What’s this suit for custody? Are you implying that you attempted to get my parents’ parental rights terminated in the wake of my court case?!”

“Of course we did!” she shot back. “You were obviously a wild card that they didn’t know how to handle, due to that background running around in your genetics,” she said, shuddering in a dramatic fashion.

“Now, wait a minute,” Yev said.

Immediately, I put my hand on his arm. “It’s fine, Yev,” I told him, never taking my eyes off of her as I continued to attempt to hold my temper. “I’ve got this.”

“Oh, I’m sure you got _plenty_ ,” she went on, her tone wild. “Assault charges almost resulting in a murder case! How could you blemish the family name like that, Iana?!”

I took another step forward then, and Allie noticeably shrunk back this time. “They had the records sealed, due to the verdict and the notion that I was a minor when the case went to trial, and, due to the fact that you never fucking showed up to my court dates, and because of attorney-client privilege, you never got the full story,” I spat. “The real story is that my cousin and best friend, Franny, was dating a guy that had originally gone out with me, and tried to rape me on the night of the date,” I told her, and Allie went white then, and I felt Yev stiffen from behind me. “I got him to back off, but he started dating Franny afterwards. I blamed myself, because by the time I got the guts to come clean about what happened between me and the guy, Colin, her boyfriend, convinced her that I was jealous of the relationship,” I went on, ignoring the hot tears that went down my face. “And so, they kept dating, and when Franny found out she was pregnant, she saw the light. She told me to come over and, when I did, Colin was strangling and beating her,” I said, and Allie lowered her eyes.

“I didn’t know…”

“No, you didn’t fucking know, but that’s no excuse to make up your own stories about what you think happened,” I told her, my voice shaking. “I went in there and I envisioned Tommy, my first rapist, and Colin’s father, my second rapist, doing what they did to me, at five and thirteen. And then I remembered what Colin did to me when I was only fourteen. And you know what? Yeah, I did snap and almost beat him to death. I’d like to meet the person who wouldn’t, given the life experiences I’ve been forced to have and re-live, and the trauma that I have to deal with on a daily basis. But I’m still here,” I tell her, and she looks up at me. “I’m still here, no matter how much you and Hugo attempt to beat me down and tell me that I don’t count, that I don’t matter, and that Hailey doesn’t count or doesn’t matter. We fucking do count and matter, Allie, and the sooner you see that, the better.”

Allie shook her head. “Maybe you shouldn’t have led him on.”

“Hold on,” Yev said.

“Yev,” I said, glancing at him briefly before turning back to look at Allie. “Say that again, and this time, say it more slowly. I don’t think I got it.”

“Obviously, you led Colin’s father and Colin on,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt when you were five. You obviously didn’t know what you were doing at the time, and you had a lot on your plate…”

“That’s it,” Yev said, placing Hailey in her little cot at the corner of the living room and moving towards Allie.

“I’ve got this,” I told him, never taking my eyes off of her.

“Oh, how cute,” Allie said, her voice simpering and beyond infuriating. “Hailey’s father is finally stepping in and defending your honor.”

“Oh, fuck this!” I shouted then, finally losing my temper and crossing over towards her, smacking her full across the face, the sound like a whip echoing throughout the living room as I felt the rage bubbling off me. I reached into her pocket then, ignoring her clawing fingers as she tried to stop me, and took out her set of keys, removing the one that she’d been given to the house so many years ago. “That’s my fucking brother, you fucking cunt,” I hissed at her, feeling enraged that she would even go there. I took her by the shoulder then, hearing Hailey screaming and crying in the background. “Settle her for me, please,” I tossed over my shoulder to Yev, who was already picking her up and calming her as I marched Allie out onto the porch. “You’re no longer welcome inside this house. Next time you show up, the cops are getting a phone call. If you show up again, you only leave in a body bag. Now get the fuck out of here,” I shouted at her then, slamming and locking the door behind me. I quickly went into the living room then and took Hailey from Yev, soothing her quickly, until she reached for him again. “Thanks for wanting to back me up,” I said quietly.

Yev nodded. “No problem.”

I swallowed then, stepping forward and hugging him. I pulled back then, sending quick texts to Franny and to Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy, letting them know that if they got an unexpected visitor, not to let my siblings be taken. “Gotta make a phone call…” I said after a moment, and knew what my mission objective was.

“I know where the food is,” Yev said, kissing Hailey’s temple. “I’ll give her lunch and put her down for a nap. You go make a your call and take a shower.”

I nodded. “Thank you,” I replied, turning and walking up the stairs and into my room, and shut the door behind me. I pulled out my phone then, dialling the familiar number and listening to the rings.

“Iana?”

“Dad, hi,” I said, clearing my throat.

“Everything good? You get home okay?”

“Yeah, I got home okay,” I told him. “But everything’s not good…”

“Yeah? What’s wrong?”

“Your mother showed up,” I replied.

“Shit,” he replied. “You okay?”

“No,” I told him.

“Need me to come home early? You need your mom?”

“No, it’s cool. You’ll be back tonight, that’s fine…”

“Okay, then. Were things said?”

“A shit ton. I’ll tell you guys the details later.”

“Okay… What happened? Short version.”

“She is cut out of my life for good, and I took away her key and essentially threatened to kill her on the three-strikes-you’re-out rule…”

“Iana, you can’t just…”

“I know, Dad, I know,” I replied. “But once Yev and I tell you what went down, you’ll understand why I went there. I didn’t mean it, really, but at the time…”

“I get it,” he said softly. “What else?”

I swallowed then, knowing that I needed to get this off my chest. “I want to put out a restraining order on her and Hugo,” I told him. “I don’t feel safe, and I need me and Hailey to be safe. I’d like to make this happen…”

“Honey, if you don’t feel safe, that’s the first priority,” he replied. “Don’t worry. I’ll handle all the annoying paperwork.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said quietly.

. . .

I got to work the following day after Penny had given me the job opportunity of a lifetime, and, despite knowing that my appointment to get a passport for myself and for Hailey was on the books with the Kennedy family liaison, I was nervous about what Mom would say. The traffic was light that morning after I dropped off Hailey at daycare, and Yev and I arrived promptly for our seven a.m. shifts for the breakfast and lunch rush. I hesitated in the employee locker room, deliberately taking as much time as possible as I took off my coat and tied my apron in place, to the point where Yev turned around and looked at me.

“What’s with you?” he asked.

I muttered to myself, gathering up my hair and putting it into a long ponytail. “I don’t know. I told my mom I wanted to meet with her before my shift started…”

“Nervous about what she’s gonna say about the job, I take it?” Franny asked, stepping in and smiling at the two of us. “Yev,” she said, waving at him.

“Franny,” he replied, rolling his eyes playfully at her.

“Hey, just because my fiancé doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to,” Franny said, and stuck her tongue out at Yev before turning back to me. “You shouldn’t be nervous, Iana. You and your mom have been doing a lot better recently, and once she weighs the pros and cons about you taking this job, she’ll be thrilled.”

“You’re doing it for Hailey, hands down,” Yev said, nodding at Franny’s words before he turned to look at me. “That little angel deserves the best.”

I smiled. “Thanks guys,” I said, turning at the sound of a door opening, and saw Mom leave her office and step towards the employee locker room. “Hey, Mom,” I said.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said, turning and looking at Yev. “Son,” she said, and Yev grinned at her, and then she turned to Franny. “Hey, Franny. You good to cover things while Iana and I have our little chat?”

“All good, Aunt Murphy,” Franny replied. “I’ll get Yev started on busing some of the early bird customer's tables.”

“That’d be great,” Mom said, putting her arm around my shoulders. “We’ll see you both out there in a bit.”

“Sounds good,” Yev replied, catching the hairnet that Franny tossed to him and followed her out into the dining area.

“Those two seem to be getting along well,” Mom said quietly as we walked towards her office at a slow pace. “If it weren’t for Clark’s proposal last Christmas, I’d say the two of them would be hooking up…”

“Mom, please,” I said, covering my ears as we stepped inside her office, and she shut the door behind me. “The last thing I want to think about is my cousin and best friend hooking up with my older brother. I mean, please…”

Mom laughed then, pulling me towards her and kissing my forehead. “You’re so my daughter,” she went on, staring at me for a moment, a look passing over her face. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

I sighed, knowing that I had to just let it all out into the open, and not be evasive in any way. “I was at Penny’s work apartment this weekend,” I said quietly.

She nodded, moving away from me and sitting on her desk. “I know. I helped watch Hailey over the weekend because of it. Did you and Axel have a nice time?”

I scoffed then, rolling my eyes. “When he wasn’t having a dick measuring contest with Liam, yeah, he had a great time…”

Mom grinned. “Is that right? Axel and Liam finally met?”

I crossed my arms and leaned back against the door. “Uh, yeah, they met all right. Penny and I ended up catching them sparring after a little proposition meeting…”

“Proposition meeting?” she asked. “Her and Lacey break up already? I wasn’t aware that Penny was your type, honey…”

I flipped her off. “Mom, this is serious!” I said, throwing up my hands in frustration. “Penny offered me a job!”

“A job, huh?” Mom asked, sitting up straight. “What kind of job?”

“COO of her company, Nell’s Rags,” I replied, biting down hard on my lower lip.

She nodded. “You gonna take it?”

I swallowed. “I may have already signed the contract…”

“She’s offering you a bigger salary, I take it?”

I sighed. “I don’t want you to think that this is because of shit that went down in our respective pasts,” I told her. “It’s not because I blamed you for Tommy and the rapes and me raising the boys when you couldn’t and all that. It’s all because of Hailey,” I explained. “I get top-of-the-line healthcare for both of us, plus a bunch of other incentives for taking this job.”

“You get to go on business trips?”

I nodded. “Yeah. My passport and Hailey’s are being dealt with by the Kennedy family liaison, and should be ready quickly. As soon as I can afford my own place, I’ll move out and figure out some in-home childcare, but until then…”

Mom smiled, hopping off her desk and crossing over to me, before she placed her hands on my shoulders and squeezed them gently. “Your father and I, plus Mickey and Ian and Franny and Yev will do everything in our power to keep Hailey safe for you, in the times when you’re unable to bring her on your trips,” she told me. “Although it’s going to be very hard to find such a great assistant manager to fill your shoes, I know a loving mother when I see one, and I know you’re going to take this new job as a new chapter in your life and do great things with it.”

I nodded a second time, and accepted her hug. “Thanks, Mom,” I replied.

She laughed. “You’re fired,” she replied, and I busted out laughing as well.

. . .

After negotiations with the Kennedy family liaison continued on behalf of renewing my passport and Hailey’s application to receive one, I threw myself into my final days of work at Patsy’s, as well as doing small projects around town for Penny, and, finally, planning an epic first birthday celebration for my daughter. With Franny’s, my mother’s, and Aunt Debbie’s help, we were planning for days, while all the while I did my best to continue teaching Hailey to get a fuller grasp of the English language. It was quite fun, working with her, as we were at the point now where we could have short conversations.

“We are going to have _such_ a good time!” I gushed, on the day of the party, as I got her ready in my bedroom.

“Mama gonna be there?” she asked.

I smiled, kissing her forehead. “Of course Mama’s gonna be there!” I said.

Two hours later, the party was in full-swing, and everyone who had been invited had come, although the person closest in age to Hailey was Ronan, with Ezra coming in second. As I stood there, holding the guest of honor, and showing her how to properly wave and greet people, I was pleased when Penny and Lacey showed up, with Liam in tow. I did my best to keep my behavior in check, remembering the awkwardness that had transpired the last time I’d been in the same room with Liam and, as if on cue, Axel came and stood beside me, putting his hand on the small of my back.

“Really?” I whispered to him as they stepped closer.

“Smile,” Axel replied as they stood just opposite us.

“Hey!” I said, breaking away from him and throwing my arms around Penny and Lacey, who complimented me on her party dress. “Just a little company called Nell’s Rags,” I replied. “Have you heard of them?”

“I think so,” Lacey replied.

“I follow them on Instagram, I think,” Penny said with a laugh. “Will you be posting your outfit on the Instagram, too?”

I nodded. “Took a little photoshoot with this one earlier today, and then we’ll do one during the party, and post-party,” I told her.

“Perfect,” Penny said, clapping her hands.

“Girls, really?” Liam asked. “It’s this little angels birthday,” he said, turning and looking at Hailey with a smile. “No business at the party.”

“Liam!” Hailey cried out then, and held out her arms for him.

“She’s been talking about her party guests all day,” I said, handing her over, relieved that she hadn’t called him ‘Dada’ in front of Axel.

“What did you bring for the birthday girl?” Axel said, and all eyes turned to him, as Penny and Lacey casually put their pristinely-wrapped gifts onto the table. “I mean, I don’t see a pretty package in your hands. Just my daughter.”

“Axel!” I cried out then, my face reddening. “Excuse us,” I said, placing my hand on Axel’s shoulder and pushing him outside, where, thankfully, nobody had gathered, due to the coldness of the late-January day. “Okay, you need to tell me what the fuck is going on, and you need to tell me right now!” I told him, crossing my arms and blocking his way back into the house. “This is only the second time you’re meeting Liam, and yet you’re already comparing dicks!” I said, shaking my head at him. “What the fuck’s up with you?”

“That jerk has feelings for you!” he hissed.

“Oh, my god, no he doesn’t!” I cried out. “What he and I had is over and done with, trust me. I am your girlfriend,” I assured him, taking his face in my hands and kissing him. “Besides, Liam is not the settling down type.”

“Yeah?” Axel asked. “He tell you that?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, he did,” I replied, growing annoyed. “That was all it was between us, Axel, promise. It was just fucking, and there were no feelings behind it. Now, we’re friends, and he loves Hailey, and she loves him. The more people in life that love my daughter, the happier I’m gonna be.”

“Can’t you just be friends with Penny?”

“Penny’s my boss now, Axel,” I told her firmly, “and Liam helped raise her. What am I supposed to do here? Cut ties with her brother because my boyfriend feels threatened of something that’s been dead and gone for over a year now? Come on. I have to play nice now that I work for Penny’s company, Axel. Liam and I are just friends, and nothing is gonna come between you and me, I promise.”

Axel sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I know I’m being unreasonable, and I trust you, really, but I guess it just hurts that he had you in the time we were broken up…”

I smiled at him and shook my head. “Axel, be honest with me for a minute.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

“Did you see anyone in the nearly three years that we were broken up?”

He sighed. “Yeah. Two serious girlfriends, and a few flings. Why?”

I laughed. “Well, do you ever see or talk to them anymore?”

“Yeah. Remember that other warden, Jo O’Malley?”

“Yeah. Was she was one your exes?”

He nodded. “Yeah. We were hot and heavy for about eight months before an ex-boyfriend came back to town and proposed. I stepped out of the way, and now they’re married with their second kid on the way.”

“Jo’s a really nice woman,” I told him. “I thought I sensed something there, to be honest. But I didn’t say anything. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because,” I said simply, taking his face into my hands. “I trust you. I trust you, and if I trust you, you need to trust me. Okay?”

Axel sighed. “I trust you, Iana,” he replied. “It’s him I don’t trust.”

I laughed. “I’ll take it,” I replied, and pulled him back into the house.

. . .

Axel, Yev, and I headed up the elevator to Penny’s Valentine’s Day gala, which she and Lacey had dubbed Cupid’s Beau. All the proceeds went to the Sacred Heart Foundation for the evening, as the tickets were fifty a head, and there would be a raffle at the end of the night. As the elevator dinged and let us out on the topmost floor of the building, I watched as Yev looked around and marveled at the architecture around us.

“Nice digs, huh?” I asked him.

Quickly, he snapped out of it. “Uh, yeah. Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat and adjusting his white shirt underneath his red vest. “Who am I meeting tonight again?”

Axel chuckled. “Ah, the blushing bride. How nice,” he said.

“Hey!” I said, elbowing him in the ribs. “Be nice.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” Yev said, and he and Axel shared a smile.

“Really?” I asked, knocking at the door.

“Hey, anyone’s a better alternative than…”

“Hey, lovebirds!” cried Liam, opening the door and ushering us inside. “Yev, your date is standing by the window with a red rose.”

“Okay,” he said, clearing his throat again before turning to me. “Um…?”

“Desmond,” I said.

“Right!” he said, snapping his fingers and making his way over there.

“So, how long has Desmond been out?” Axel asked.

“About a year,” I replied. “Came out right after Lacey did.”

“Cool,” Axel replied, following Yev with his eyes as Yev introduced himself to Desmond, who looked pleased at the company.

“What are we drinking?” Liam asked, and Axel immediately looked annoyed.

“Beer,” Axel said, without thanking him.

“Sure,” Liam said, turning to me. “Champagne?”

“Beer,” I said, and he and I shared a laugh before he walked off. I turned and looked at Axel then as we moved to a secluded corner in the midst of the party, and lowered ourselves down on one of the many loveseats, covered in red velvet, procured for the party. “What is up with you?” I hissed at him.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah, really,” I replied.

Axel looked around before leaning in closer to me, so that the other guests wouldn’t hear. “Not five minutes into the evening and you’re already making fuck-me-eyes at Liam.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms. “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Axel?” I demanded before I looked up and spotted Liam. “Hey,” I said as he handed us our beer.

“Gotta help Penny and Lacey with some things, but you two lovebirds have fun now!” he said, and waived to us before stepping away.

Axel shook his head, taking a swig of his beer. “No, I am not fucking kidding right now, Iana, I’m not. And I don’t think that I would have to bring this up again and again if you keep avoiding the subject.”

“What subject?” I snapped. “Look, I’m sorry that I fucked Liam when we were broken up, Axel, but you need to grow the fuck up. You fucked other people, too, and I don’t hold that against you. You know full well when you met me that I was a slut, and didn’t give a fuck about it. In fact, you seemed to like that I was so experienced,” I said, and he looked annoyed then.

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Okay, then, enlighten me,” I shot back, drinking my beer probably too fast. “What did I supposedly do wrong this time?!”

“Why you keep avoiding the subject of moving in together.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I’m serious,” he replied. “I’ve been trying to bring it up again for months, but you always seem to figure it out, and you interrupt me. I don’t get why.”

I sighed. “We discussed this, Axel…”

“No, we haven’t,” he replied. “If you don’t want to move in with me, just say it.”

“I don’t want to move in with you yet,” I hissed back, and he raised his eyebrows. “I’d like to wait until after my birthday, in May, and then we’ll discuss it again. Is that okay?”

He scoffed. “Not even close,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’m getting another beer,” he said softly before stepping into the kitchen.

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered, leaning back against the cushions of the loveseat. “New COO of Nell’s Rags gets drunk at company party… Classic,” I said to myself. Sighing, I finished my beer before I got to my feet, crossing over to the kitchen and, just as I was about to walk in, spotted Liam and Axel talking.

“I don’t like the way you look at her, okay?”

“Okay, Axel,” Liam said, his tone civil. “How do I look at her?”

“Like you want to, I don’t know, fuck her or something!” he shot back.

Liam sighed. “Look, Axel, I think my inner thoughts on Iana aren’t any of your business, but, just to put your mind at ease, I know that you two are together. I know she cares a whole hell of a lot about you, so I know not to get in the way of that.”

Axel scoffed. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you don’t have to believe me. Regardless of whether you do or not, it’s the truth. And, quite frankly, I could give a rat’s ass if you did believe me. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, but for Iana’s sake, I think we should be civil.”

Axel crossed his arms then, grinning like a cat then. “Iana and I are moving in together,” he said smartly then, and Liam looked shocked.

“Fucking asshole,” I muttered, and walked right through the kitchen then, tossing the empty bottle of beer into the bin.

“Iana…”

“Don’t you fucking talk to me, Axel!” I shouted back, running out onto the balcony, my Nell’s Rags ‘Red Heartbeat’ dress clinging to me as the door slammed behind me. Just a few weeks ago, I was out here on top of the world, given that Penny had given me that amazing new job opportunity, and now… Now, I was faced with an insecure boyfriend who didn’t trust me, and was holding my past against me.

“Iana?”

I sighed, dashing the tears out of my eyes as I turned around. “Hey, Liam,” I said.

“Mind if I stay?”

I rolled my shoulders. “You’ve got more claim here than I do.”

“Me? No,” Liam said, chuckling then as he came and stood next to me. “Me, I’m just some lowly investor. You’re the COO.”

I laughed aloud. “Okay, I’ll give you that…”

“Wanna talk?”

I shrugged. “What’s to say? My boyfriend hates the guts of my boss’s brother, who happens to be a friend of mine. Said friend and I were in a sexual relationship not too long ago, and, because of that, he’s decided that he doesn’t trust me…”

“Wait. He actually said that?”

I sighed. “It was more implied, but…” I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t care if he hates my guts, Iana. I’m not dating him, but you are. And if he’s treating you negatively because of insecurities, that needs to stop.”

I smiled. “That’s sweet of you to say.”

“I mean it, Iana,” he said, his voice so serious and firm that I had no choice but to look up at him to completely gauge his words. “He is absolutely never to treat you that way. And if you plan on moving in with him, I just want to make sure that you and Hailey are safe. Not that you’re not strong enough to protect either you or Hailey, but… I’m just concerned.”

“Thanks,” I said, lowering my gaze. “I really appreciate that.”

“So… Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you moving in with him?”

I shrugged. “Not now… I told him we’d discuss it after my birthday, but…”

“But what?”

“But I’m not sure now,” I said quietly. “I mean, I always say that trust and communication are needed to make a good relationship, but now…”

“What?”

“He communicates with me, sure, and he makes sure I trust him at every turn, but the minute something happens, and my trust is called into question…” I spread my hands. “It’s like I’m on my way to the execution chamber.”

“He ever hit you?”

I sighed. “No, he’s never hit me. Yev… Yev saw him grab me, once, but I essentially told Axel that I’d punch his lights out if he ever tried to do it again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “Once you have two assaults on your record, you definitely don’t want to mess with the person.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Liam looking unsure, and I grinned. “Don’t worry. Penny knows, and she doesn’t care.”

He laughed. “Okay. Just making sure.” He hesitated for a moment then, and then finally permitted himself to speak again. “You think you will?”

“What?”

“Move in with Axel.”

I dragged my hand across my face. “Maybe,” I said softly. “I mean, he is my boyfriend and Hailey gets along with him really well…”

“Hailey gets along with me really well, too…”

I laughed. “This isn’t a competition, Liam.”

He nodded. “I know. But would I win anyway?”

I shook my head. “Doesn’t work that way.”

He rolled onto the backs of his feet then, before he spoke. “Guess you could say that I don’t want you to move in with him.”

“What?” I asked, turning to look at him.

“I mean, not just for you, but for Hailey, and…” He hesitated. “I guess you could say that I am jealous when I think about you moving forward in your relationship with Axel.”

“You’re… Jealous?” I whispered.

He nodded. “Completely.”

I swallowed. “I see.”

“Look, Iana, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable here, but you’ve got to know that I don’t know what this is at all. All I know is, I don’t want you moving in with Axel, because I don’t want you to move in with any guy, or girl…”

I blinked. “What are you saying?” I whispered.

He shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t know what this is, so I don’t know what I’m saying. All I do know about this is that you and Hailey are incredibly important to me, and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to either of you.”

“Liam…”

“I know you’re with Axel, but you want honesty, and I don’t think that that should just be in your romantic relationships,” he said firmly. “I think friendships need to be honest, too. I know enough to know that what I feel for you can’t just be friendship, and since you work with my sister, it’s really inappropriate. Not to mention the fact that you have a boyfriend who hates me, and who I hate just as much, but I don’t care, Iana. I don’t care about any of that, because you just had to know this.”

I knew the battle was lost, the minute his eyes met mine again, and all the guards surrendered, and my wall finally came crashing down by the fucking wrecking ball. I couldn’t handle this, not anymore, and as I closed the distance between us then, despite knowing how wrong this was, and how right Axel was proving to be, I didn’t care; not in that moment. The moment I threw my arms around Liam’s body, he pressed up against me at full-force as his lips met mine. I opened my mouth underneath his, molding his lips to mine and tasting him; it was different than how Axel tasted; cleaner, like a spring mint. And yet, I hungered for it as I clung to him, turning my face to one side so as he could get better access to my mouth…

“No, stop, stop!” I said, letting him go and hopping down down out of his arms. “I’m so, so sorry, Liam,” I whispered, and shook my head at him, as he stared down at me, almost as if he’d been punched in the gut. “I can’t do this,” I whispered, and dashed towards the door, throwing it open and running down the hallway. I ran down the back way, so that I only had a fraction of the living room to run through. I grabbed my wrap and purse from the closet, texting Yev to get a ride from Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy, because I needed to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible before…

“Iana!” came Axel’s shout as he finally found me, stepping into the elevator. “What’s going on with you?”

I shook my head. “Not now.”

“Yeah, now,” he said, holding the elevator door open. “Talk to me.”

“No.”

“Iana, fucking talk to me—!”

I raised my eyes to his, cutting him off. “You were fucking right, okay, Richland?!” I demanded of him then, shoving him out of the elevator doorway. “You happy now?” I whispered then, the tears escaping my eyes as the doors dinged closed behind me.


	10. All or Nothing

I felt the alcohol pumping through my system as I ran through the lobby of the apartment building, before making my way outside, the cool February air hitting me like a knife. I dashed towards my car and let myself inside, locking the doors automatically before I stuck my key into the ignition and floored the gas. I pulled away from the curb, vaguely aware of a shout from behind me, as well as the shadowy figure of someone that could only be Axel, running down the street, reflected in my rearview mirror.

I shook my head, doing my best to see through my veil of tears as I drove, the street lights nearly blinding me in contrast to the darkness outside my car, which seemed to envelope me completely with every yard I put between me and the Valentine’s Day gala. I shouldn’t have gone off alone; the minute I’d seen Axel and Liam in the kitchen, I should’ve turned and walked out of the party and confronted Axel later. Instead, I’d pulled the teen girlfriend card and let my feelings of anxiety about our relationship failing get the better of me, and thrown myself into the arms of the very man he’d accused me of still having feelings for. It was all a confirmation, I saw that now, for in Axel’s eyes, my past couldn’t be forgotten, and I was damaged goods, and too far gone to come clean completely.

“Shit!” I screamed then, nearly driving headlong into a pole on a side street, and immediately swerved out of the way, nearly landing myself in a ditch, were it not for my quick thinking. I came to a complete stop, however, I still managed to break too hard, and I slammed my forehead and top of my face on my steering wheel, the pain like a slam to the face. “Fuck!” I yelled out, and reached up to clutched the pained area; I pulled down my visor mirror, getting a good look at the damage done. My forehead had a red stripe on it from the impact of the wheel itself, while I boasted a slash-like cut on my left cheek. “Dammit…” I whispered. I lowered my eyes then as my phone went off, seeing my mother’s name popping up. Knowing I was literally at a dead end, given that salt was literally being put into the wound on my face, I lifted my phone upwards and pressed it to my ear. “Hey, Mom,” I said, my voice devoid of emotion.

“Baby, Axel said you just ran out of the party, and got into the car and sped off,” she said, her tone full of worry. “Where are you? Are you all right?”

“I’m a few blocks away from the house,” I replied, almost as if it didn’t really matter one way or the other where I was.

“Baby, what’s going on with you?”

“Everything,” I whispered, my voice close to breaking.

“Baby, please. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

I covered my face with my free hand, my fingertips becoming caked with my own blood. “I really fucked up here,” I whispered. I turned my car back on again, wanting nothing more than to get home, hug my daughter, and forget this night ever happened.

“Honey, it can’t be all bad…”

“Oh, it was bad,” I contradict her, turning the corner and heading down the street. _Three blocks to go_ , _three blocks to go_ , I chanted to myself.

“What happened?” she asked me then, and her voice halted itself, just as she peered out the window, and saw my car pull up. “Come inside, baby. We’ll talk.”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I said, my voice soft as I cut the call and got out of my car. Carefully, and doing my best not to trip on the pavement, I exited my car and locked it behind me, making my way through the gate and stumbled up the stairs. I tried to fish my keys from my pocket, but Mom opened the door for me, and I brushed past her. “Thanks,” I muttered as I walked by, making my way into the kitchen, and directly towards the fridge, taking out Dad’s bottle of vodka and chugged it.

“Honey… You sure that’s a good idea?”

I shrugged, lowering the bottle for a moment. “Why?”

She sighed. “Sweets, are you drunk?”

“Yeah,” I said, scoffing then as I brought the bottle back up to my lips. “But the pounding headache I’ll get in the a.m. is the least of my problems…”

“What does that mean?” she asked, watching as I chugged more of the bottle.

I laughed then, the bitter sound filling the room as I lowered the bottle, and yet, didn’t let it go from where it was wrapped tightly in my fingers. “What’s there to say?” I asked her, staring into the clear depths of the liquid. “I think I just about shot my relationship in the face. And you want to know what the worst part is?” came my question then, as I raised my eyes to hers, and she kept quiet, likely knowing I needed to talk now, and not be lectured to. “The worst part here is that my mother—my fucking mother,” I said, jabbing my finger at her then, so as the vodka sloshed around in the bottle, “was fucking right about fucking everything…”

“What was I right about, sweetheart?” she asked then, her tone quiet, and not at all accusatory in nature towards me. “Tell me.”

“You were fucking right about my inability to love my fucking boyfriend in the way that he loves me,” I whispered then, the fear palpable in my voice as I raised my eyes to hers. “I love him, but I’m not… I wish I could love him the way he loves me, but I can’t, because…”

“Because you have feelings for someone else,” she said, nodding, and I could detect in her eyes that she understood my predicament readily.

I scoffed, shaking my head, knowing full well that, despite the fact that honesty was the best policy within family, I wasn’t ready to go that far yet, at least out loud. However, I mused as I lifted the bottle back to my lips, my mother watching sadly as I slowly killed myself with the devil’s nectar, I knew that coming clean eventually would be the right thing to do. And even though my mind had already made up its mind for me, I didn’t yet want to fully believe it myself, and so I remained silent.

. . .

I knew it was irresponsible to be looking forward to the free booze I’d be able to consume on the plane, since I would be getting the VIP treatment. That meant that the flight attendants were told by the pilot to look the other way, and would be obligated to give me and Hailey whatever we wanted or needed. I knew that I could afford to get buzzed, but not full-on intoxicated; Hailey was my main priority, and considering that this was my first time leaving the country to represent Penny’s company, I had to keep my game face on.

As I tucked Hailey into the seat beside me, which converted into a bed, helpfully, I looked down at her long, black lashes sweeping her cheeks. My heart tightened at how beautiful my daughter looked, and I was amazed that, despite my fucked beginnings, I could have something as amazing as she was in my life. I gently pushed back a stray lock from her forehead, and she smiled in her sleep, and kept right on smiling as I bent down and kissed her forehead, watching as she snuggled into her pillow and deeper beneath her blanket, and, as I looked down and out of the window, my mind drifted to the night before…

“Iana, I want to talk about this.”

I swallowed then, hunching my shoulders as I was effectively being backed into a corner by Axel’s words, knowing full well that he had every right to want to talk about what happened both during and after the gala, but I found I was still raw from the evening, despite the fact that it had happened two weeks before. “What do you want to talk about, Axel?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, almost as if I was afraid to be confrontational.

“What the hell happened the other week,” he said, and he must’ve readed out then, because I was suddenly yanked around, and I immediately threw myself backwards, pinning myself against the wall behind me.

“Axel!” I cried out then, feeling relieved that my parents had took the kids god knows where for the weekend, so that nobody could hear us, except for potentially Hailey, but, as far as I knew, she was passed out asleep upstairs. “You know you can’t just grab me like that!”

He dragged a hand down his face. “Goddammit, Iana…”

“No!” I shouted then, putting my hands upwards then, as if I fully intended to ward him off, if he decided to begin swinging. “Just like Pops, we have issues about being grabbed like that when we’re not prepared for it! I’ve told you. You can’t do that to me.”

“Why can’t we have one straight conversation without you going on and on about your fucking triggers?!” he demanded then, and my blood ran cold. “You’re not the only one who’s got them, Iana, so get with the goddamned program…”

“Fuck you,” I said, knocking him backwards without hesitation, and moved to walk past him and towards the front door, my intention being to shove him out of there, and fast.

However, this boyfriend of mine had other ideas, and grabbed me around the middle then, lifting me completely off the ground, and I cried out as he held me too hard against him. “We’re not done with this conversation.”

“I say we are!” I shot back, my legs flailing around in mid-air as I tried and failed to kick out at him, in an effort for him to let me go.

“Iana, I want a fucking straight answer!” he growled then, yanking me around in his arms so that his eyes met mine. “Give me a fucking straight answer!”

“About what?!” I cried out then, struggling so much to free myself, that I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was we were talking about.

“Valentine’s Day, for fuck’s sake!” he said, holding me tighter still, and I gritted my teeth, so as to prevent myself from crying out.

I tossed my head then, so that my hair flowed down my back and didn’t blind me to his facial expression, which was tortured, to say the least. “What do you want me to say, Axel?” I demanded of him then, my tone level, although I knew very well that my entire stomach would be bruised for possibly weeks afterwards, due to the tight grip he held me in. “Considering that you feel the need to call the shots now, maybe you’d like me to dictate what it is I’m going to say here. Give me a hint. What do you want to hear?”

“Just the truth,” he begged, his dark eyes surveying my expression then, looking for some sort of clue behind the mask. “Just… Just give me that, Iana. Please.”

I scoffed then, my throat closing up as my emotions threatened to take the better of me; now that he was calmer, however, I managed to get myself out of his grip and stepped away from him. He had proved unpredictable in the past, and the last thing I wanted was for him to go completely ape shit on my ass. “Talked to Liam,” I replied, crossing my arms, wanting some sort of effective barrier between the two of us.

He nodded. “Yeah, I figured as much,” he replied. “Look, Iana, I’ll admit, I’m threatened by him, but I would never tell you who you can and can’t talk to.”

I rolled my eyes, feeling terrible about what had gone down between Liam and me during the gala, but also knowing that it had happened, and nothing we could ever say or do could take it back from happening. “We kissed,” I said then, and Axel’s eyes suddenly locked to mine then, almost as if it took him much longer to fully comprehend what exactly I was telling him. “That night, Liam and I kissed. You happy now?”

“Who initiated it?”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Who initiated the fucking kiss, dammit?!” he demanded then, advancing upon me then, and my heart pounded in my throat then as his eyes burned with rage. He took ahold of my arms then in his big, fleshy hands, gripping onto them tightly then, as my breath caught in my throat, and I was suddenly reminded of Tommy. “It wasn’t you, was it, Iana?! Tell me it wasn’t you!” he begged me then, slamming me up against the bannister of the staircase, and I gritted my teeth once again, to prevent myself from crying out. “You… I know you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?!”

“Let me go,” I whispered then, my voice shaking slightly as I shook in his grip.

“Iana, I need to know,” he said, his muscular figure large over me, and I felt my knees quaking at what I was seeing in my mind’s eye.

“You have to let me go,” I told him.

“I want the fucking truth…”

“No!” I shouted then, my fingers morphing into claws then as I scratched at his hands, getting him off me as I charged upstairs, trying to keep quiet, as Hailey was sleeping in Clayton and Fionn’s room for the night, as I dove for my own bedroom. I opened the door, vaguely hearing Axel behind me, as I went under my bed and got out my lockbox, opening it quickly and took out the Beretta M9 pistol, before charging back out into the hallway then, seeing that Axel had made it up the stairs. “You need to stop this,” I told him, my voice steady, making sure to keep the safety on, although my voice trembled.

Axel lifted his hands slowly then, obviously not wanting to startle me. “Come on, Iana,” he said then, his tone slightly patronizing, and I fucking hated it. “This isn’t you. Just put the gun down and we can talk about this.”

“Like hell,” I said quickly then, making no moves to surrender the gun, my heart pounding in my chest at the implications behind this situation. “I’m not putting this gun down, Axel, because I don’t have to. I shouldn’t be obligated to lower my weapon, if the very person asking for me to do so is the one who made me feel unsafe in the first place.”

The shuddering impact that happened next threw me for a loop, especially when the front door came crashing open and someone came thundering up the stairs. A gasp escaped my lips then as Yev charged into my line of sight and tackled Axel to the ground effortlessly. He raised his eyes to mine then, catching sight of the gun in the same beat, and sighed, still pinning Axel on my bedroom floor.

“I’ve got him,” he tells me, amid Axel’s grunts of struggling. “Don’t worry about a thing,” he said softly.

. . .

“Attention passengers, we are making our descent into Malpensa Airport,” came the voice of the pilot, jarring me from my thoughts. “It is a balmy unseasonably warm day of seventy-two degrees outside, and the local time is two o’clock p.m. We hope you’ve enjoyed flying with us today, and we hope you enjoy your trip to Italy.”

I tuned out the second part of the message, where the pilot was telling the passengers the same thing in Italian, although I managed to follow the conversation ever so slightly. I turned then and lowered my eyes to gaze at my daughter, whose brow was furrowed slightly in sleep, and I gently reached out towards her. “Darling, we’ll be landing soon,” I whispered to her, pressing a kiss on her forehead. “Would you like to wake up now?”

“Already up, Mama,” Hailey said, sitting up in her seat again, and allowing me to adjust her seat belt ever so slightly. She rubbed her eyes then, while I delved into my carry-on bag and gently brushed her hair. “We there?” she asked.

I nodded. “Almost, baby, almost,” I told her, flashing her a smile. “Once we get down and off the plane, we’ll get into the car waiting for us, which will take us directly to the hotel. You’ll meet your sitter at some point, my sweet, because Mama has a business dinner, but I promise I’ll spend breakfast with you. All right?”

“All right, Mama,” Hailey replied, smiling.

Once we’d landed and had converged on our gate, I scooped up Hailey in my arms and made a grab for my carry-on bag. Soon, we were permitted to leave the plane, and I followed the signs to baggage claim, waiting impatiently for my nondescript, black roller suitcase to arrive and, when it did, followed the other signs to the pick-up area. I saw a well-dressed gentleman, in a black suit, with matching sunglasses and driver’s hat, with a sign that said Iana and Hailey Milkovich, and I raised my hand as we came down the escalator towards him.

“Miss Milkovich, COO of Nell’s Rags?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, that’s me,” I replied. “You must be Sigmund.”

“I must be,” he said with a smile, taking my roller suitcase from me. “Come along. My instructions are to take you to your hotel and then pick you up later for your dinner meeting. Is that correct?”

I smiled. “Yeah, that’s right, Sigmund,” I replied, walking out into the bright sunlight, where Sigmund opened the back door of a sleek-looking, black town car. I thanked him and got inside, raising my eyebrows at the sight of a top-of-the-line carseat for Hailey, and promptly strapped her into it. I turned around as I buckled myself in, spotting Sigmund putting my suitcase into the back of the car, before rounding the vehicle and getting into the driver’s side, which I was surprised to see was identical to how one would drive in America.

“Next stop, The Four Seasons,” Sigmund proclaimed.

I had calculated the drive at just under an hour, meaning that I would have the opportunity to shut my eyes for a bit, considering that Hailey had already fallen asleep. I put my sunglasses into place, and although my body craved sleep, I took out some notes on the business meeting I would be heading later that evening, unsure of their meaning. I nibbled at my lower lip as I again read over the schedule for my trip, knowing full well that the resentment was building on the notion that I had little to no guidance on this trip…

“Miss Milkovich, we’ve arrived,” Sigmund said, cutting off my reverie.

“Thank you,” I replied, putting the paperwork into my new briefcase and putting it back into my carry-on back, and waited for the car to come to a complete stop before I drew Hailey out of her car seat. I stepped out into the sunshine and immediately moved into the shade, before peering over my shoulder and noticing Sigmund following me, and immediately stepped inside the lobby as Hailey had begun to fuss. “It’s all right, sweetie,” I assured her, managing to flip my sunglasses backwards as I approached the concierge desk. “Hello,” I said.

“Good afternoon,” said the man. “How may I help you this afternoon, miss?”

“I’ve reserved the Renaissance Suite,” I replied steadily, digging my wallet out of my carry-on bag and handing over my I.D.

“Ah, yes, Miss Milkovich, we’ve been expecting you,” said the man with a bright smile, keying in my information onto the computer. “Right, you’ve already paid in full, and requested the services of a nanny for your little angel, as well as a crib for her… Well, it looks like everything has been set up and is waiting for you upstairs, Miss Milkovich.”

“Thank you,” I replied, taking back my I.D.

“Terrance, please take Miss Milkovich’s bags with you,” the concierge said, who I saw was called Mario, which caused me to bite the insides of my cheeks to prevent myself from laughing at the notion that he wasn’t a plumber.

“Do I tip you?” I asked Sigmund as Terrance stepped forward to take my bag from him.

Sigmund shook his head. “No, the company takes care of it,” he assured me. “I’ve been told your dinner reservations are at seven, so I’ll come by at six. Is that agreeable to you?”

I nodded, moving to follow Terrance. “Yeah, thanks,” I said. “See you later.”

Terrance pressed the button for the elevator at the edge of the expansive lobby, and then began to make small talk with me about the history of the area we were in. I smiled and nodded at him politely, although much of my attention was on Hailey in my arms, as well as my business dinner later that night. Once the elevator arrived and we stepped in, Terrance continued speaking, not that I minded, and I kept right on smiling and nodding until we arrived at the floor that my suite was on. Terrance motioned which way we needed to go and once we arrived at the door, I swiped the key card and let myself inside, keeping a good grip on Hailey as Terrance put my suitcase just inside the door.

“Thanks so much,” I told him, giving him about twenty dollars in Euros for bringing up my bag, and Terrance smiled.

“You’re welcome, Miss Milkovich,” he replied. “Just let us know if you require anything further by ringing the front desk. Enjoy your stay,” he said, shutting the door behind him.

I brought Hailey into the bedroom quickly, and did my best to change her in the makeshift area provided to me. I smiled down at my daughter, knowing that she could feed off my anxiety at any moment, so I knew it would be best to keep calm. “Feeling better?” I asked, snapping back up her travel onesie before I sanitize my hands.

“Yeah, Mama,” she replied.

I grinned, picking her up and pressing a kiss onto her forehead. I took off her shoes and socks before placing her into the crib, knowing that a nap would be beneficial to her now. “Mama has to go and do some work for the meeting tonight, so you’re going to take a little nap,” I told her gently. “When you wake up, we’ll get some snacks. All right?”

“Right, Mama,” Hailey said, her eyes already growing heavy before she succumbed to sleep amongst the folds of her blanket from home.

. . .

I arrived at the restaurant promptly that evening, hoping that Penny’s custom little black dress that she’d created for me that evening wasn’t too short. As I stepped up to the host, I politely informed him of the party I was affiliated with that evening, and was told that the private room was still being prepared, but that I was the first one there. They offered me a drink at the bar and I eagerly accepted, making my way over to the bar.

“Half a glass of Chianti, please,” I said.

“No problem,” the bartender replied, his Italian accent thick.

“Fancy meeting you here, Iana.”

The gasp escaped my throat as my wine was poured and, as I turned my head, my eyes nearly popped out of my skull when I noticed Liam leaning casually up against the bar beside me. “I guess the next question would be, what brings you to Italy, Liam?” I asked, slowly lifting up my glass and sipping it, the dry flavor pleasant on my tongue, and I knew then that I would manage to keep my wits about me.

Liam smiled. “Penny thought you might want a second involved in the process,” he replied steadily, lifting his bottle of beer to his lips.

I blinked. “Does she doubt me already?” I asked, doing my best to keep the temper from my tone, for I had no way of knowing if Liam had suggested the trip himself.

Liam shook his head. “Of course she doesn’t doubt you, Iana. You must know by now just how much my little sister adores you,” he said carefully.

I swallowed, swirling the wine around in my glass. “Right,” I said carefully, licking my lips for the remnants of the drops of wine, knowing full well that the last time I’d been in contact with Liam was on Valentine’s Day, when I’d thrown myself into his arms. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have implied that Penny thought I was failing the company already…”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’m sure you’re nervous and on edge about this meeting tonight, Iana. And, if I’m being honest, I told Penny I wanted in on this. Not because I’m her biggest investor, but because it’s going to be a room full of men.”

I raised my eyes to his then, and he deliberately cut himself off as our eyes met. “And you’re telling me that these men, as it were, would take matters into their own hands, so to speak, behind closed doors?”

Liam sighed. “I wouldn’t put it past them,” he admitted. “They’re shrewd businessmen, to be sure, but once certain men have alcohol in their systems…”

“I know the type,” I replied. “Alcoholism runs in my family.”

Liam blinked. “Really?”

I nodded. “Of course. We’re from the ghetto, I’m from the ghetto, on both sides, as you seem to remember very well,” I said, my tone more biting that I’d originally intended for it to be. “My grandfather, my uncle, and my mother. They’re all alcoholics, but my uncle and mother have been sober for years. My grandfather…” I sighed. “He just doesn’t believe that getting with the program, as it were, would be beneficial for him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be,” I replied. “He’s beat all of us at one time or another. You’ve just gotta know which side of the fight you wanna be on.”

“You sound so calm about it,” Liam said quietly.

I shrugged. “Just numb to it,” I said, tipping the wine glass back to my lips and sipping it. “Guess I’m just used to all of it.”

. . .

The meeting was a success, as well as all the subsequent meetings, which permitted me to have much more time than I’d originally anticipated with Hailey. When the sitter arrived my final night in Milan, I was shocked to find that I had a text from Liam, informing me that the investors had already made up their minds, and that the pair of us had charmed them enough, and that they’d given him a check earlier that afternoon. Considering that our work was done, Liam invited me upstairs to his rooftop penthouse suite, where dinner would be served.

“I’ll be back soon, I guess,” I told the sitter.

Heading upstairs, dressed in another one of Penny’s little black dresses, I felt my jaw hit the floor when Liam gave me a rose at the door of his suite. I shook my head at him, smiling as he showed me how to get up to the room, and I grinned at the sight of the immaculate table for two, already set and perfect, complete with a bottle of champagne. The main courses were a couple of steaks with risotto, as well as Budino for dessert.

“This is lovely,” I said, thanking Liam when he pulled out a chair for me.

“I have a trick or two up my sleeve,” he replied, sitting across from me. “So, how are things at home, with your family?”

I sighed, sipping at my champagne. “My family is all right… It’s Axel that’s wrong.”

Liam blinked. “Does he know about…?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said then, and I looked up at him. “It was totally inappropriate, what happened, and I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“That’s okay,” I replied, not sure about which way I meant that. “Let’s just say that the way he took it was enough to scar me for life. My brother had to get involved.”

“Which brother?”

“Yev, my older brother,” I told him.

“What did he do?” Liam asked then, and I could tell that he was doing his very best to keep his temper with the situation.

I bit my lip. “Long story short, I ended up having to pull my gun on him.”

He looked shaken. “You have a gun?”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I replied. “Fifteenth birthday present from my pops. I’ve only ever taken it out of my lock box to go to the shooting range.”

“You know how to use it?”

I scoffed. “Of course. Wouldn’t have it otherwise.”

“You could always bluff.”

I shook my head. “If you’re in that situation, bluffing gets you nowhere.”

“Think it’s gonna work out with him?”

I sighed. “He’s been calling me nonstop since I got here…”

“You ever pick up?”

“Once,” I replied. “Last night, after I put Hailey to bed.”

He nodded. “What’d he say?”

I shook my head. “Just apologized over and over again.”

“You think it’s gonna get better?”

“We’ve been drifting apart,” I said softly. “I want it to work out, but…”

“You think you’ll be seen as a failure if you don’t?”

I nodded, despite knowing that that wasn’t the real reason why I was hesitant to work out my relationship with Axel. “Yeah, I guess that’s right,” I told him.

“You have to be honest,” he replied.

I blinked, raising my eyes to his. “What?” I asked.

“You have to be honest with Axel,” he explained, his eyes never leaving mine. “But first, before you do that, you have to be honest with yourself.”

. . .

The flight home was torture, but, once I arrived, I burst inside the house, a half-asleep Hailey in my arms, and found my mother, sitting in the kitchen with Dad. As I stepped over the threshold and into the house, I set down my suitcase and carry-on bag on the stairs, and made my way towards the both of them. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I knew I had to sell them what I was selling, and fast.

“Hey,” I said, my voice breathless.

“Honey!” Mom said, getting to her feet and hugging me. “How was Italy?”

“You think you’re a world-traveler now?” Dad asked, taking Hailey from my arms.

I shrugged. “It was fine, and, yeah, I guess,” I said. “Listen, there’s something I need to do, and I don’t know how long it’ll take…”

“Sweetie, slow down,” Mom said, smoothing my arms. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to get a shower and change, and then I need to go see Axel,” I said.

Dad looked at Mom before turning back to me. “Yev mentioned what happened…”

“I’m sure he did, and I don’t want to hear it,” I told him, my voice firm. “Axel is my boyfriend and I want to fix things. End of story.”

Mom sighed. “Okay,” she said carefully. “We’ll watch Hailey. Take all the time you need, sweetie, just be careful.”

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said, breaking away from them and charging up the stairs, going into my en suite bathroom and shutting myself inside. I stripped off my clothes from the plane and promptly got into the shower, doing my best to wash my hair and body quickly. Once I got out of there, I dried my hair and stepped back into my bedroom, putting on some lingerie Penny had given me, before just slipping on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before leaving.

I hopped down both sets of stairs and out into the cool, Saturday evening, running towards my car and getting inside. I drove to Axel’s apartment, the key on my set, and felt my heart pounding in my chest all over again. As I drove up to the building, I parked in the adjacent lot and went upstairs, letting myself in automatically, and heard Axel coming as I shut the door behind me, and stood in the living room.

“Hey,” he said then, standing opposite me. “How was Milan?”

I sighed. “Fine.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

I bit my lip. “Not Milan.” I stepped forward then, and placed my hands on his shoulders. “Look, if we’re gonna be together, Axel, you can’t just hurt me the way you’ve been. I know I fucked up by letting my emotions get the better of me with Liam, but there’s nothing going on between us, and you’ve got to believe that.”

“It was just a one-time thing?” he asked.

I nodded. “Just a one-time thing,” I assured him. “I wanna be honest with you, Axel, and I should be, because we’re a couple, and couples are honest with each other.”

He smiled. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”

I smiled back at him. “I know,” I said, reaching up with one of my hands and touching his face before his arms snaked around me and pulled me lengthwise against him. “Let’s just move on with our lives,” I said.

He lifted up one of his hands and traced my bottom lip. “I like the sound of that,” he replied, and I pressed my lips to his.

. . .

The two setbacks that happened in my relationship with Axel were as follows: first, when he got word that Liam was in on my trip to Milan, which caused me to storm out of his apartment in rage when he demanded to know if something had happened between us. The second thing was Axel’s thirtieth birthday party, in which I decided to throw a surprise party for him. However, given the controversy connected to our relationship, as I still had yet to turn eighteen, meant that I couldn’t invite very many of his friends, given their jobs and the likelihood that they wouldn’t understand what we really meant to each other. The only silver lining was Yev, in all of this, who came to the party in support, and although he and Axel barely looked at each other, much less spoke to one another, the night was tense at best.

The third and final, and yet unexpected, fight with Axel came on the penultimate Wednesday in April, where Penny had given me my next assignment to Madrid. I went over to Axel’s apartment before picking up Hailey from daycare, eager to inform him of the day. Axel had off that day, as the rotation had been re-established on the first of the year so that he got off mid-week instead of the weekends, so he was home when I let myself in.

“Hey!” I said.

“Hey,” he replied, not bothering to look up from his phone.

I decided not to let it get to me as I plopped beside him on the couch, waiting for him to look over at me. Finally, when he didn’t, I decided to let him know my purpose for being there, and hoped that it would make him look at me. “I got my newest assignment from Penny today,” I told him, the excitement apparent in my tone.

“Yeah?” he asked, still not looking up.

“Yeah,” I said, unsure of why he still wasn’t interested. “I’m going to Spain.”

“When?”

“Nine days,” I replied.

He nodded. “Great.”

“Listen, the reason why I’m asking is because I want you to come with me,” I said then, and wondered how he would react to such a thing.

“Why?” he asked.

I hesitated, wondering why he would ask me a question like that. “What?”

“Why?” he asked again, before lowering his phone and turning to look up at me, his eyes without any emotion whatsoever. “Why would you want me to go with you?”

I blinked. “Well, you’re my boyfriend,” I said, shrugging.

He scoffed. “Right… I just thought it was because Liam was invited on this trip, too, and you were worried that you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself from opening your legs…”

My mouth fell open then, and wondered if, for just a moment, if Axel was messing with me. It quickly became apparent to me then that, he was not, and I shook my head at him. Without a moment’s hesitation, I slapped him across the face. “Fuck you, Axel,” I said vehemently, before I unhooked his apartment key from my set, slamming it on the table, and got to my feet, before walking out of there and slamming the door behind me.

. . .

The trip to Madrid was only supposed to last a week, but little did I know just how much my life would be altered forever because of it. Now that Hailey was staying with my parents and I was flying solo, I was shocked to see Liam in the seat next to mine for the flight over. However, I found myself filled with relief at the notion that he would be helping me through the process once again, and he even let me sleep on the flight over.

Suffice it to say that our meeting there was a success, and the invitation from Liam to dinner to celebrate another deal being signed was too wonderful to pass up. The expensive champagne called my name as well, which was interesting, given that I was much more of a beer drinker back home. We went to the swanky restaurant located in our Westin hotel, and chatted up a storm whilst dining on some of the best Spanish cuisine I’d ever tasted.

“You think they liked me?” I asked, with a giggle.

Liam laughed back. “You’re kidding, right?” he asked. “You talked circles around me in there, you know that, don’t you? And that thing you said about offering different fabrics for school uniform instead of the traditional wool? Genius.”

I blinked. “Really?”

He nodded. “Absolutely. So many filthy rich parents nowadays actually listen to their children when they talk about ailments. Itchy skin is just one of those things. There’s got to be a way to incorporate cotton, or even linen, into the uniforms without downgrading their quality or value within the school system.”

I shrugged, lifting my champagne flute upwards and sipping it, the bubbles popping wonderfully upon my tongue and going straight to my head. “Well, my mother and I were both allergic to wool, and despite the fact that we neither of us attended private schools, I know full well that some children who do must have that allergy. Who knows? Perhaps there’s another corner of the ailment market we can corner…”

“Now you’re thinking like a businesswoman,” Liam said.

“Hey, that’s COO to you,” I replied with a giggle, and I put his flute to mine.

The rest of the night was a blur, and when I woke up with the sun the following morning, I felt the pounding in my head before my eyes even opened. A small moan escaped my lips, as I could still taste the champagne in my mouth. I sat up then, cradling my head in my hands, wanting nothing more than pain killers, cold water, and a hot shower. I bent slightly to blindly remove the blankets bunched around me, when I suddenly became away of the fact that I was just in my bra and panties.

This threw me for a momentary loop then, and, as I slowly removed my hand from where it was shielding my eyes, I immediately covered my mouth then, so as to prevent myself from screaming and waking up Liam. I then became aware that we were in his suite of the hotel, and my dress from the night before was crumpled across the room, presumably from where I’d tossed it off the night before. I sat there, just for a moment, taking in Liam beside me; his perfect alabaster skin hit the sun perfectly; he was shirtless, and god knows what else he was lacking in the clothing department, as the blankets were pulled up to the waist, keeping most of the situation at hand PG-13.

I shook my head then, which sent my inner senses spinning as I did my best to get out of the bed without waking him up, and made a grab for my dress and clutch, which housed my cell and room key, before slipping on the article of clothing over my head. I took my strappy heeled shoes into my hand, my heart pounding as I inched towards the door of Liam’s suite, willing for him not to wake up. Last thing I needed was him telling me that it wasn’t what I thought, or, even worse, that he thought it was all a mistake.

“Of course it was a mistake!” I hissed to myself as I got outside and shut the door behind me, and heard it click. “You’re with Axel. Get that into your thick head, Milkovich, and stick with the program,” I muttered, combing my fingers through my haystack of hair as I did the typical walk of shame back to my own suite, but, for the life of me, I couldn’t bring up as much shame in my mind as I wanted to.


	11. Candle in the Wind

I felt sick as soon as I returned to my hotel room, leaning my back against the door as I clutched my high heels in my head. I shook my head, knowing that, despite the notion that I was still very much a teenager, I seriously needed to keep my priorities in check, and last night wasn’t helping matters either. I took a shower, allowing the hot water to reach every inch of my body, wanting to literally wash away whatever had happened the evening before. I felt sick at the thought of having drunken sex; as a mother and COO of a successful company, the last thing I needed to be doing was cheating on my boyfriend, no matter what my feelings connected to Liam were. It wasn’t fair to anyone in the equation, and the sooner I managed to cough up the truth, one I figured it out what the truth really was, the better.

I got out of the shower and headed into my bedroom, a smile automatically coming to my lips when I spotted my phone ringing, and who it was. “Hey, Pops,” I said, placing the phone next to my ear. “Little late to be calling, isn’t it? Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” he assured me. “Hailey woke up and wanted to say hello. If that’s okay. Is this a good time? You aren’t in a breakfast meeting with an abundance of mimosas, are you?” he asked, a chuckle escaping his lips.

“No, of course not,” I replied, shaking my head and moving to sit on my bed. “I’d love to hear my little girl’s voice. Put her on.”

“Mama’s on the phone,” Pops said, and lowered the phone.

“Mama!” cried Hailey.

“Hi, baby. How are you?” I asked, tears springing to my eyes at the thought of my little girl on the other end of the world.

“Okay, Mama,” Hailey replied. “You coming home soon?”

I smiled. “Soon, baby, soon,” I assured her. “Just another couple of days. Mama’s working really hard, baby.”

“Take me next time?” she asked.

I laughed a little then. “We’ll see, baby,” I told her.

“Uncle Yev wanna talk to Mama,” she said after a moment of silence. “Love you, Mama. Come back soon.”

I nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. I love you, too,” I said quickly as the phone was handed over to my brother. “Tell Pops to put her back to bed,” I ordered.

“Hello to you, too,” Yev said.

“Yev,” I said, my voice firm.

“He’s already taken her upstairs. Keep your towel on.”

I stammered for a moment, lowering my eyes to thick, white hotel towel that I’d currently wrapped around myself. “How the hell did you know…?!”

“I’m smarter than I look, Iana,” Yev replied, and I could detect the smirk lingering at the back of his tone. “I mean, let’s face it, I’m the only one who knows about the second tattoo you got on your trip to Milan.”

“Hey!” I cried out.

“Hey, all I’m saying here is, all your tattoos have been inked illegally,” Yev said, his voice mockingly serious.

I scoffed, moving my towel back slightly and crossing over to the floor-length mirror my hotel room boasted, getting a good look at the tattoo, painted on the left side of my ribcage, which was an ink representation of the heart locket that I always wore. “Yeah, well, suffice it to say that Axel wasn’t too pleased about it…” I said, my voice barely above a whisper, as I ran my fingers over it.

Yev sighed. “He misses you, you know.”

My eyebrows shot upwards then. “You’ve seen him?!” I hissed.

“A little, since you’ve been gone,” he replied. “He’s come by a few times to see Hailey while I’ve been watching her.”

I bit my lip, leaning back against the elaborate wood frame of my bed. “Well, I think it’s over anyway,” I muttered, taking off my towel, and putting Yev on speaker as I proceeded to pick out an outfit for the day.

“Over? What do you mean ‘over’?”

I grumbled to myself, slipping on a bra and a pair of panties. “We got into that fight, as you know, before I left,” I told him, my voice quiet.

“You mentioned the fight,” Yev replies as I pull on a romper, for the day was warm. “You didn’t really get into specifics, though…”

I bit my lip. “It was still pretty raw.”

“Tell me now, then,” he said, his tone gentle.

I sighed, dragging my hand across my face. “I gave him his apartment key back.”

“Iana!” he cried out.

“I know, I know,” I said, throwing myself back onto my bed and staring up at the ceiling. “I know it’s a lot to think about, but I’m seventeen, Yev. Seventeen. I’ve got a pretty high-profile job now, plus I’ve got Hailey, and…”

“And what?” Yev asked. “Why’d you break off like that?”

I dragged my tongue over my lips, sitting up and drawing my knees upwards, and into my chest, wishing now that I’d brought someone from my family onto my trip. “I think I may have cheated on Axel last night…”

“Shit, Iana. What did you do?” Yev asked, more shocked than anything else.

“We had a meeting last night, and it went really great…”

“Wait, wait, hold up. We? Who’s we? Did Liam come this time, too?”

I scoffed. “Yeah, he’s here, too…”

“Jesus, Iana. Did you two…?”

I shook my head, despite the notion that Yev couldn’t see me. “I don’t know,” I said quietly then, my voice breaking slightly as my eyes filled with tears.

“Well, then, what do you know?” he asked.

“All I know is, I woke up this morning, and we were in bed together,” I replied.

. . .

I spent the next three days, until my flight home, mostly outside my hotel room, and was careful not to give many clues to Penny as to what I was doing with my time, lest she inform Liam of my habits, leading him to come looking for me. I would constantly return to the hotel as late as possible, to the concierge informing me that Liam had constantly left messages for me, and, since I was ignoring his texts and emails, he’d resorted to notes and other things via the hotel. I did my best to ignore all forms of communication with him, throwing myself into buying presents for members of my family, and doing more shopping in Spain than I’d ever done over the course of my entire life.

I dreaded the flight home, knowing that Liam and I were likely to be going home on the same plane, and my heart sank as I entered the plane itself on the day of. There was Liam, sitting on the edge of our two-person row; thankfully, my window seat was not taken. I did my best to stow my duffel without his help in the overhead compartment, and sat in my own seat, smoothing my travel skirt over my knees and turning towards the window. When that began to get boring, I pulled out the flight meal menu, and contemplated whether to go Spanish or American on the flight home, but Liam wasn’t having any of it.

“You’re going to have to talk to me sometime.”

I rolled my eyes. “And why would I do that?”

“Because my little sister is your boss, so we’re bound to socialize plenty more during the course of our lifetimes,” he replied without hesitation. “Plus, you’ve been avoiding me for the last seventy-two hours, and I think I have the right to know why, or at least ask.”

“You do,” I replied, the words falling from my lips before I could call them back. “But I’m getting hungry, so I think you should…”

Liam snagged my menu away from me, effectively cutting me off, and I turned and looked at him, my glare causing him to look surprised. “What?” he asked.

I crossed my arms. “I was looking at that.”

“Look, Iana,” Liam said, his voice firm, “we’ve got less than ten hours to resolve whatever this is, going on between us.”

I huffed, looking away from him. “There’s nothing going on,” I fired back, under my breath, as the flight attendant stepped forward to demonstrate safety to us passengers.

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Liam countered, his voice barely above a whisper, just wanting to get the final word in before the flight attendant returned to her seat. He remained silent as we left our gate and moved onto the runway, before we picked up speed when told to do so, and, quite soon, were in the air, the wheels folding themselves into the base of the plane, and the wings adjusting themselves accordingly. “Less than ten hours,” he said softly to me.

I rolled my eyes. “What’s so important here?” I demanded, turning and peering at him. “I feel like an absolute bitch, Liam. Are you happy now?”

He raised his eyebrows. “A bitch?” he asked me. “Why?”

“Why?” I scoffed to myself, rolling my eyes, and willing for myself not to come apart in front of him; I couldn’t do that, show him my vulnerable side, I just couldn’t. “Jesus, I don’t know. Why don’t you take a wild guess?”

Liam shook his head at me. “Iana, I’m sorry, but I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, and I stared at him, open-mouthed. “What? You’re acting like you’ve broken some sort of law here…”

I swallowed. “I haven’t, but you have.”

He blinked. “Your tattoos are legal?” he asked, and my cheeks flamed at his insinuation; he’d pluralized tattoo, meaning that he knew I had more than one, which could only mean that he hadn’t seen me in much clothing. “I thought you needed some sort of convoluted parental consent for those, and I know for a fact you got your first one before you even knew you were pregnant with Hailey, meaning that you were sixteen…”

“No, I got them with my fake, for god’s sake!” I hissed under my breath, hoping that nobody was listening to our conversation. “And I’m talking about you, mister, not me!”

“Okay, Iana,” Liam said, nodding to himself. “We’re talking about me, I understand that. But what I don’t understand is, why I’m suddenly to blame for something. You seem almost mortified to be around me. What did I do?”

“Rape of a minor, for one thing,” I said smartly.

Liam blanched at that. “All our encounters were consensual, Iana,” he hissed at me. “You know as well as I do how reluctant I was to even touch you, and yet you told me that you wanted me as much as I wanted you, and you’d never go to the police…”

I shook my head at him. “I didn’t consent to the other night and you know it. If I did give consent, I was drunk. You can’t fuck a drunk person, much less a teenager. It doubly means I was incapable of giving consent, according to the laws in place…”

“Iana, I didn’t touch you the other night,” Liam said, his expression filling with relief, and his tone incredibly level.

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

He shook his head. “Not in that way. I can promise you that.”

My brows knit together then. “Okay. Then how did I end up in bed with you, both of us half-naked, the morning after we had dinner together?” I demanded.

He sighed. “It seems I can handle my alcohol a bit better than you can,” he said, and when I moved to protest, he held up his hand. “No, I’m talking now. You wanted to hear about what happened, and I’m telling you now, okay?” When I crossed my arms and remained silent, he continued, “After we’d finished our dinner, I said I’d take you back to your room. You said you wanted to stay with me… Yeah, you did,” he said, talking over my protests. “I let you come back to my room, and my intention was to let you have the bed, and I’d sleep on the pull-out sofa. But you insisted, more like demanded, that I stay with you. You’re the one who took off your clothes, Iana, and I only touched you to help you to bed. I only touched your shoulders and hands, and then you begged me to stay with you, in the room, in my bed. I relented, and climbed in with all my clothes on. When you passed out, it got too hot in the room, so I stripped to my boxers. Several times during the night, you grabbed onto me, but I always put you back onto your side of the bed, because I would never take advantage of you like that, Iana, never. And you want to know why? Because you’re better than that. You’re an amazing person, and amazing people don’t deserve to be taken advantage of. Besides, you’re with Axel, and even though I wish you weren’t with him, because I think you deserve better, I’m not one to stand in the way of a couple who are together and are obviously in love.”

“Liam, it’s not…”

“You don’t have to explain your relationship with Axel to me, Iana,” Liam said, his tone never anything but gentle as he returned my menu to me.

I shook my head. “But, Liam…”

“Really, Iana, it’s fine,” he assured me. “It’s none of my business, anyway.”

. . .

I got home from the airport via town car just after Hailey was put to bed, so I was saddened that I would have to wait until the morning to see her. Upon stepping into the house, I was pleased to see that my parents were waiting for me, and embraced them each in turn. I managed to fish their gifts from my bag, and each were pleased at being thought of. I informed them that I would be taking a shower and heading to bed, and was shocked that they said that Hailey had fallen asleep in their room, and that I could resume mommy duty in the morning.

Morning couldn’t come soon enough, and, since I had ample time off between my last trip and the next one, where I was due to go to New York, I decided to make the best of my morning and afternoon with Hailey. I came downstairs after fetching and changing her from my parent’s bedroom the following morning, with all my brothers and sister gathering around me to learn about my trip to Spain. I smiled and set Hailey in her high chair, telling them tales about it as I got her breakfast of baby oatmeal ready.

“Are you going to bring her to daycare this morning, sweetheart?” Mom asked, from where she stood at the stove, preparing cheesy scrambled eggs and sausages.

I shook my head. “No, not today. I was going to take her to the park at one point… You have to go down to the diner?”

She nodded. “I do. I’m leaving just before the dinner rush, and letting Franny lock up for the night, just so she keeps getting the hang of it.”

I nodded back. “Sounds like a good plan.”

“I could take Hailey tonight, if you want to go see Axel,” Mom put in.

I sighed. “Yev didn’t tell you?” I asked, fetching Hailey’s baby oatmeal and bringing it to her, with a spoon, and blew on it before I fed it to her.

“Tell me, what, honey?” Mom asked, coming over to the table and serving me my breakfast, before I realized that Dad and all my siblings, who had likely finished their own breakfasts, were all staring at me, waiting for me to answer. She hesitated for a moment before we all jumped slightly at the sound of a car horn out front. “And that’s your carpool Charlie and Carla,” she said, and gathered their lunch boxes as my two youngest siblings grumbled to themselves, but put on their backpacks and kissed Mom and Dad goodbye. “Now, you two,” Mom said, snapping her fingers at the boys, “have to get to the bus.”

Fionn got to his feet. “Fine,” he said, grabbing his lunch and saying goodbye to Mom and Dad before heading towards the door.

“Whatever,” Clayton’s reply came, shrugging as he went, mirroring Fionn’s movements before he went to the door and outside himself.

“And _you_ , mister,” Mom said, circling the table and taking Dad by the hand, whereupon she pulled him to his feet, “have to get to the firm. I won’t have Allie and Hugo giving me more shit than usual, and you being on time is one of the few things I have left.”

Dad sighed. “I can still talk to them,” he said gently.

“Good luck,” I muttered, taking a bite of my breakfast while simultaneously feeding Hailey with my other hand.

“Now, hold on,” Dad said, turning and looking from me to my mother. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I scoffed. “You know what it means,” I said darkly.

“She means that things have been quiet since you filed the restraining order on her behalf,” Mom explained gently.

“Calm before the storm,” I said stoutly, making an amused face so that Hailey would be more willing to eat her oatmeal.

“That’s unlikely,” Dad said.

“Really?” I asked, turning and looking over at him. “Wait and see,” I went on, gathering up the dishes from Hailey’s and my breakfast and putting them into the dishwasher. “Something’s gotta happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But something's’ gonna come and crush this pretty little slice of world we have going for us.”

“What do you mean?” Dad wanted to know.

“It’s Gallagher logic,” Mom said, spreading her hands. “Allie and Hugo are giving me cases to look at again. Iana just got that job as COO of Penny’s company. Clayton hasn’t been in a fight on school property since the second semester started. Fionn’s made the honor roll consecutively each quarter. Carla became president of the self-founded Young Designer’s Club at school. Not to mention that Charlie is in talks to move ahead a grade or two. And we’ve begun teaching Hailey how to use the potty.”

“Wait,” I said, nearly dropping my dishes as I stood there, poised, before the open dishwasher, as I stared at both my parents. “You’re doing what?”

“It was a surprise,” Dad said, giving a mock-scolding look to Mom before turning back to me. “I guess you can think of it as an early birthday present, but we were intending to show you the finished result by the time we had your party.”

I smiled at them both, putting the dishes into the dishwasher before going towards them and hugging them. “Thanks a lot,” I told them, pulling back. “Really, that’s nice of you. But that still doesn’t change what I think about Grandma Allie,” I said quickly.

“I know you’ve got every right to be skeptical, sweetheart,” Dad says, kissing my forehead before Mom follows him to the door. He says goodbye to her while I use a rag to wipe off the excess oatmeal off Hailey’s face, and pick her up into my arms, tossing the rag into the laundry room area before stepping out into the living room.

“Okay, so talk to me,” Mom says, crossing over to the couch as I sat on it myself to Hailey. “You usually are over the moon to see Axel, especially if it’s been a few days. So, tell me. What’s going on with the two of you?”

I lean back against the cushions, keeping a good grip on Hailey, who has, by this point, turned around and is snuggling into me, likely familiarizing herself with my scent now that I’m back home and no longer in Spain. “Axel and I had a fight before I left,” I replied, and Mom raised her eyebrows slightly, but didn’t look so surprised.

“What happened?”

“He accused me of having feelings for Liam, _again_ ,” I said, gently taking Hailey’s hands off from my heart-shaped locket at my throat, and permitting her to merely grip onto my finger. “I insisted that it wasn’t true, but he just wouldn’t listen.”

“So, what’d you do?”

“Returned his apartment key before I stormed out,” I said simply.

Mom sighed, cradling the side of her head in her hand. “You already know what my response is going to be to that, don’t you?” she asked.

I bit my lip. “That, in any relationship, I’ve got to be honest. The opposite party may not like what’s being told to them but, in the end, I need to tell the truth.”

“Yeah, and no,” she said, reaching out her arms as Hailey crawled towards her, and took my daughter into her arms. “I’m going to say to you what I said in the beginning, sweetheart. I don’t think Axel is the one for you.”

I turned and looked out the window. “I’m going to tell you something, Mom, and I need you not to interrupt me. Can you do that?”

She nodded. “Of course, sweetheart.”

I lowered my eyes to my hands, which had proceeded to knot themselves together. “It’s more of a question than anything else… Once I explain it, and ask it, do you think you’d be able to give me an honest opinion about it?”

“Sure, honey. Whatever you want,” she replied.

I sighed, blowing the air out of my lungs as I raised my eyes towards the ceiling, feeling the hot tears threatening to escape my eyes. “I did something really stupid while I was in Madrid,” I say firstly, and feel relieved when she doesn’t question me, but merely waits for me to continue. “I was happy about a deal being signed, a really big deal, and so me and Liam went out to celebrate it being agreed upon and signed so quickly.” I took a deep breath, knowing that, after all this time, I could permit myself to be vulnerable with my mother. “We went to the restaurant in the hotel we were staying at, and had a little too much to drink. Liam offered to take me up to my bedroom afterwards, but, for some reason, I insisted on staying with him. We went up to his room and he says I undressed myself, and I believe him. He said that he was going to leave the room and go to sleep on the sofa but that I begged him to stay…”

“You slept in his bed together?” Mom asked, not accusatory.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

She sighed. “Did Liam happen to mention if you said anything else?”

“Just that I was adamant that he stay with me,” I replied.

She nodded. “So, what’s the question?”

I sighed, my shoulders slacking as I raised my eyes to hers. “Did I cheat on Axel with my actions, or my words?” I asked.

. . .

I decided it was best to swallow my pride and, with my mother’s blessing, drove over to Axel’s apartment later that night. I parked outside on the street, knowing that the element of surprise was not on my side that evening, given that I’d returned Axel’s apartment key. I went into the elevator and rode up to the correct floor, hopping out and walking down the hallway upon my arrival, and promptly knocked on his door.

“Hey,” I said, staring up at him once he’d opened it.

“Hi,” he replied, looking surprised to see me.

I sighed. “Look, if you’re busy…”

He shook his head. “I’m not busy,” he replied, standing back. “Come on in.”

“Thanks,” I said, stepping around him and inside the apartment. Nothing was different about the apartment from the time I’d stormed out; even my key was still on the coffee table. “Listen, about me storming out that night,” I said, turning around, “I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have run out like that…”

Axel shook his head again, crossing over towards me. “I should be the one to apologize to you, Iana,” he said, and I raised my eyebrows. “I had no right to go on and on about you and Liam, and I’ve got to face facts that you and Liam aren’t even an issue.”

I blinked. “Really?” I asked.

He nodded. “Really. I make a big deal about trust, and so do you, and if we can’t trust each other, then we shouldn’t be together.”

I lowered my eyes. “You’re right.”

“But I want to be together, Iana,” he said softly, and my eyes flashed upwards to meet his. “I still want to be with you, but I think we need to work on our trust issues.”

I nodded, my heart hammering in my chest as regret swam through me. “I feel the same way,” I replied, wondering where this voice had come from.

Axel smiled. “I’m glad.”

I breathed in for a moment, before I crossed the room and stood on my toes, wrapping my arms around him and kissed him. “Hi,” I said, looking up at him.

Axel pulled back then, staring down at me. “We don’t have to…”

I nodded, my hands slipping beneath his shirt. “I know,” I told him.

Axel bit his lower lip, his eyes following the movements of my hands. “Iana…”

“What?” I asked, stopping my hands from moving another inch. “Something wrong?”

He shook his head. “I know I shouldn't say anything, but…”

“If this is about me spreading my legs one too many times…”

Axel shook his head. “No, not that,” he assured me. He hesitated for a moment before he kissed me, whereupon he pulled back and stared down at me. “That feel different to you?”

This was it; a moment that I’d been waiting for since Axel’s suspicions had been confirmed about me and Liam. Axel, whether he knew it or not, was giving me an out, perhaps to happiness, perhaps not, but an out nonetheless. It was a moment of hesitation that passed between us then but, finally, my resolve weakened as I shook my head.

“No,” I told him, standing on my toes again and pressing his lips to mine.

. . .

Since Uncle Lip and Aunt Mandy couldn’t come to my birthday rager because of Ronan, they offered to watch Ezra and Hailey for the night as well. It would be my first kid-free night where I didn’t have to work in a long time, and I was pleased that Penny and Lacey had said that they would come to the festivities as well. Desmond would be coming to spend time with Yev, and my brother had told me that they were considering making it official. I sped around the house during the early evening before the party began, beer in my hand, blitzing from one room to the next, making sure that everything was in place.

“Need a minute, kiddo?” Pops asked, watching as I chucked my third beer bottle in the bin in the kitchen, looking me over.

I nodded, nearly bouncing up and down. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said, flashing him a smile. “Think I’ll go out back for a few for a cigarette and some air.”

“Have fun, kiddo,” he called after me.

I threw him a grin over my shoulder as I headed outside, the late-spring sunset beautiful as I trooped down the stairs. I got my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, and my lighter from the other, and lit them up effortlessly. I leaned back against the side of the house, taking in the day around me, and smiled to myself. “Eighteen,” I said, and a laugh escaped from between my lips at the thought of it. “Happy fucking birthday, Iana Milkovich.”

“You did away with the Gallagher name?”

I tore my cigarette from between my lips then, my entire body becoming rigid as I saw Frank coming up the back way of the house. “Could you smell the excess beer from whatever hole you crawled out of, Frank?” I asked, my tone suddenly bitter.

“Uh, uh, uh,” Frank said, shaking his head, and nodding at my cigarette. “You answer my question first. Now, can I have a cigarette?”

I shrugged, getting one out of my pack for him and lighting it up, before I handed it over. “Yeah, I did away with the Gallagher name,” I said.

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Because my biological father is a Milkovich, and I had every right to want to honor him with taking the name?” I said, spreading my hands before putting my cigarette back into my mouth. “I don’t see a problem…”

Frank rolled his eyes. “You celebrating something? You looked pretty happy a moment ago, and you mentioned beer…”

I scoffed. “It’s my birthday.”

“Really?” Frank asked. “How old are you now? You’ve got my great-granddaughter, and she’s getting big…”

“I’m eighteen, Frank, thanks for asking,” I muttered.

“You’re just like your mother,” Frank grumbled to himself.

I blinked. “I look like my father…”

“Yeah, but you and your mother have the same eyes as Fiona,” Frank said, his tone slightly testy as he delivered the information to me. “Anyhow, your mother was always so stubborn with me, and listened to all the stories my other ungrateful children told her.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Stories denote fiction, Frank. None of what they told her, and told me, is fiction. In fact, there’s a fucking court case to prove it,” I told him smartly, before shoving him away from me. “Now, as it is my birthday, I am therefore the guest of honor at these celebrations and I won’t have you ruining them for me. Good night, Frank,” I said, my tone sour as I walked back up the stairs and put out my cigarette.

I was relieved that Frank didn’t decide to insert himself into my party, and, an hour later, all the guests had arrived and there was a pumping beat going in the stereo system that Uncle Ian and Pops refused to replace. Not that I minded; according to Penny, it was vintage and, therefore, it would always be in. I watched as her and Lacey danced, looking so effortlessly happy; I then turned and saw Yev and Desmond just sitting together, enjoying each other’s company. I looked over at Axel then, and knew then that I couldn’t just turn back time, not anymore. It was different between the two of us, and there was no stopping the collision course that our relationship was on, no matter what we did.

I’d gone back into the kitchen time and time again for the last several hours that day, and by the time the guests arrived, I was buzzed, plenty buzzed. The drunkenness soon followed, but I was able to play it up as excitement for my big day. I was officially an adult, and nobody could tell me that I wasn’t allowed to have sex with either one of the men in my life. However, I knew exactly which one I wanted to let in, and while I was tied to the other, such a thing couldn’t happen in his eyes, especially after I’d pushed him away the last time.

I found myself sitting on the couch at some point during the party, on my own, my eyes zeroing in on what the couch was positioned on. It made my stomach turn just to look at it, and I downed what must’ve been my seventh or eighth beer that night. My head was pumping in tune to the music, and I had no idea what would happen if I tried to stand up. I raised my eyes then at the shadowy figure that appeared before me, and I very nearly screamed, for my eyes told me that it was Tommy, but, once my vision cleared, I saw it was only Axel standing in front of me.

“Need some air?” he asked, and his voice sounded so much like Tommy’s that it immediately proceeded to make my skin crawl.

“No,” I said, and got to my feet, stumbling to the edge of the living room, and into the foyer by the front door.

“Hey, wait,” he said, and I heard his footsteps behind me. “Don’t go. What’s wrong?”

My heart pounded in my ears at the words; Tommy had said very similar things to me; of course, his tone had been much different. As I stumbled to turn around, I stupidly lowered my eyes back onto the carpet again, and I almost saw myself as a little girl, being held down, with Tommy’s cruel laughter filling my ears. I shut my eyes at the sensation of revulsion as it filled me completely then, and, as I leaned up against the wall, I felt a hand clamp down on my arm, as well as a second one pinning me up against the wall. My lungs filled with air then as I broke out in a cold sweat of the little girl I once was, and my eyes shot open, and all I could see was Tommy looking down at me.

“No!” I shouted then, shoving him back and away from me, my words slurring slightly due to my drunkenness, my vision blinded by my tears. “No, don’t touch me!”

“Iana, don’t…”

“No, you don’t!” I shot back, hardly knowing what was going on. “Let me go! I’m saying ‘no’! I am begging you not to touch me! Please don’t touch me…!”

“Get off of her!” came a third voice then, and I slid down the wall, suddenly able to breathe again as the grip came away from me.

The next thing I heard, after the two other voices yelling at the other, was a door slamming. I crumpled into a heap on the floor, nearly passing out from intoxication. Then, I felt soft, strong hands lifting me then, and my head lolled against their shoulder as whoever this savior, this angel, was, carried me to safety.

. . .

“Hey, there she is,” Yev said as I came down the kitchen stairs the following morning. “My shirt looks way better on you. Want to keep it?”

I blinked, surprised at the generosity. “I can’t just…”

“Yeah, you can,” Yev said, grinning at me as he poured a second mug of coffee, and handed it over to me. “I have plenty. Your mom probably pays me more than the hourly wage, but she said it was necessary to bulk up my wardrobe a bit.”

I sighed, sipping my coffee and pulling out a high stool and perching on it. “Yeah, well, I’ll borrow it for now. Thanks.”

Yev nodded. “No problem.”

I dragged my hand through my hair. “So… What happened last night?” I asked him. “I know I must’ve gotten pretty drunk…”

Yev smirked. “Yeah. Pretty drunk.”

I nodded. “Okay. So…?”

He sighed, leaning back up against the counter. “Axel came over to talk to you at one point, and you seemed…off.”

I blinked. “Off?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Like you were scared of him or something.”

I shook my head, trying and failing to remember the events of the night before. “Wow… Did I say anything?”

“Actually, yeah,” Yev said, sipping his coffee. “You were saying stuff like ‘don’t touch me’ and ‘I’m saying no’...”

I shook my head again, not getting the connection. “Weird… Axel isn’t like that.”

Yev sighed, obviously not wanting to disagree with me right then, but, clearly he harbored a different opinion on my boyfriend. “You were in the living room, and you couldn’t seem to get out of there fast enough.”

At once, my attention was piqued. “The living room?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. You kept avoiding Axel’s face, too… You were staring at the carpet,” he went on then, and I felt the bile rising in my throat. “You okay?” he asked.

I sighed, leaning back against the chair. “Just makes sense is all…”

Yev blinked. “How does that make sense?”

I swallowed then, staring into my mug of coffee, which was still steaming. “Remember how I said I hated cops?”

Yev nodded. “Yeah. Thought that was just a Milkovich thing.”

I shook my head at him. “Not even close,” I replied.

“Then, why do you hate cops?”

I raised my eyes to his. “Because the cop, Tommy Matthews, that my mom was engaged to way back when…” I hesitated for a moment, hunching my shoulders at my memories. “He would come over here whenever my mom was at AA, and whenever Uncle Ian had a late-night shift, and he would rape me,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

“That son of a bitch,” Yev whispered.

I scoffed. “You’re not kidding,” I said bitterly, and looked past him and into the living room. “He used to do it on that carpet… I’ve just realized over the years that the flashbacks are worse whenever I’m drunk. Probably because I’m more vulnerable or some shit…”

Yev set down his mug of coffee then, before he turned around and walked into the living room without hesitation.

“Yev?” I asked, getting to my feet. “What are you…?” My eyes popped out of my head when I saw what he was doing. “Yev, stop! You don’t need to…!”

Yev said nothing, effortlessly dragging the carpet up from the living room floor and carrying it through the kitchen and out the back door, leaving it open behind him.

“Yev!” I yelled, moving towards the door.

“Hey, kiddo, wanna keep it down? It’s nine a.m.,” Pops said, bleary eyed, coming down the stairs with Uncle Ian. “What’s going on?”

“Yev just dragged the carpet out of here,” I said.

Uncle Ian blinked. “The carpet?” he asked, moving outside and onto the porch. “Yev, what are you doing with that thing…?” He trailed off then before he stepped back into the house. “Mick, your son is setting a carpet on fire.”

“Fuck,” Pops said, moving outside and heading down the stairs.

“Jesus Christ,” I said, moving after him, hearing Uncle Ian at my heels.

“Yev, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Pops demanded as Uncle Ian and I set upon the scene in the backyard, where Yev had found a barrel, and had used a lighter to set the frayed piece of fabric alight.

“For fuck’s sake, Yev, it doesn’t matter!” I called out to him.

Yev raised his eyes to mine then. “Of course it matters.”

“I’m so lost here,” Uncle Ian said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Yev, will you please just tell me what the hell’s going on here?” Pops demanded.

“Yev,” I said then, my voice barely above a whisper, my eyes effectively pleading with him to say this thing gently.

“This carpet is where Tommy…” Yev cut himself off then, lowering his eyes, pain etched in every vein in his face.

“Son of a bitch,” Uncle Ian said quietly.

Pops reached into his pocket then, bringing out his own lighter. He stepped towards the barrel, and lit a section of the carpet up, the blaze overtaking it quickly, so much so that it turned to ash right before our eyes in under an hour.

. . .

Hailey and I met Franny at the bridal shop the following day, where she was getting her wedding dress fitted for the penultimate time. Normally, I’d be more on top of my Maid of Honor duties but, due to my new position at Nell’s Rags and commitment to Hailey, much of everything had fallen by the wayside. Of course, this included my relationship with Axel, who had not spoken to me since Yev had thrown him out of my birthday party.

“What was up with you the other night?” Franny asked from inside the fitting room. “You were acting weird…”

“I was drunk,” I replied, gently moving Hailey’s carriage back and forth so that she wouldn’t become fussy. “Happens to most of us…”

Franny peeked her head out from behind the curtain. “Iana, I’m your best friend. We’ve been getting drunk together since we were teenagers, and I can read you like a book. Now, tell me what’s going on or I’ll let Penny be my Maid of Honor.”

I scoffed. “You wouldn’t.”

Franny sighed, yanking herself dramatically back into her fitting room in mock-annoyance. “No, I wouldn’t, but still. Tell me what’s going on.”

I sighed. “Flashbacks,” I replied, and I saw the curtain twitch then, so I know she’d heard me. “I had some flashbacks the other night, and Axel he…”

“What did he do?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, and everything,” I said quietly. “He thought he was trying to help, but it only made things worse.” I turned and looked at Hailey, and was rewarded with a big smile and a look of love. “Just wish things were easier…”

“Easy, Mama, easy!” Hailey shouted with joy.

I laughed then, leaning in and kissing her forehead. “Some things in life are, my love. Some things in life are.”

“So, he tried to grab you or something?” Franny asked, stepping out of the dressing room, which caused my jaw to hit the floor. “What?” she asked.

My eyes popped at her look; her chosen dress was a white, off-the shoulder number with a long, flared skirt. “Uh, nothing. You look great,” I stammered, and Franny smiled, before moving to stand in front of the mirror when the salesgirl came forward with a measuring tape and a small box of pins. “So, did Axel try and grab you?”

“Essentially, yeah, he did,” I replied, leaning back in my provided chair. “I don’t understand it, Franny, at all. I mean, I constantly tell him that if it’s obvious I’ve worked myself up into a state that the worst thing he can do is grab at me, but now…”

“Now… What?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine through the mirror.

“Now I just feel like I shouldn’t even bother trying anymore,” I replied, feeling my shoulders slumping automatically. “I mean, things have been off for months. First he doesn’t trust me, and then he doesn’t listen to me… I’m just… I feel like I should be done, but I don’t want to crush him completely…”

“It’ll only keep getting worse,” Franny said gently. “If you don’t tell him right away, I mean. I guess what I’m trying to say here is, the sooner you tell him, the better.”

“Guess there’s always the last-ditch effort,” I said, shrugging.

Franny maneuvered herself so that the salesgirl could get better access to her hips. “Yeah? What were you thinking?”

“Well, I’ve got my trip to New York,” I said, hope radiating in my voice, knowing full well that, despite everything, I hated to fail. “Maybe I could ask him to come along.”

“Well, make up your mind and quick,” Franny said, turning around on the hassock. “I gave you a plus-one for a reason, Iana. Now, all you have to do is figure out who that’s going to be. Axel, or maybe Liam…”

My eyes snapped to hers. “Liam?”

She smiled. “I’m not blind,” she said gently, her eyes meeting mine again. “I can see that there’s something there, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.”

I shook my head. “There’s no admitting anything,” I replied, my tone stubborn as I crossed my arms and leaned back again in my chair. “Nothing’s happening.”

Franny sighed, pouting in the mirror. “Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that,” she said, putting her hands on her hips, continuing to make faces in the mirror, while all the while, I did my best not to allow my mind to wander.

. . .

The first opportunity I had to talk to Axel was the second Monday in June, due to the fact that our schedules weren’t meshing as easily has they used to. I drove over to his apartment, knowing that this conversation had to happen, whether we liked it or not. I knew the end was near, but I wasn’t prepared to do so that night. However, I also knew that the outcome of this conversation would likely dictate the future of our relationship, if there was a future.

Axel stood back and let me inside when I got there, and didn’t say anything as I crossed the room and perched on the couch. He sighed then, shutting the door then and crossing over to sit down beside me. “How are you?”

“Fine,” I replied.

He nodded. “Hailey’s fine?”

I nodded. “She’s fine.”

“Good,” he said. “That’s good.”

I sighed. “Look, I actually came here because I wanted to talk about my trip to New York,” I said, and Axel looked up at me then. “I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you, Iana.”

I blinked. “Come on, you don’t mean that,” I said, doing my best to laugh it off. “I mean, we haven’t been ourselves lately, clearly, and I think that this trip may be the key to get us back where we want to be.”

Axel sighed. “I know that’s not what you want, Iana.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

He shook his head. “You keep trying to deny it, but I’m not going to play the fool anymore, Iana, and I’m sorry.”

I stammered then, attempting to decipher if there was some kind of hidden meaning behind his words. “I’m sorry… What are you talking about?”

“I know you have feelings for Liam,” he said then.

I scoffed then. “Really, Axel?” I demanded then, feeling the rage threatening to boil over to the surface, and I hated it. “You’re really back on this again?”

Axel rolled his eyes. “I was never off it.”

I sighed, dragging my hand through my hair. “Well, I don’t know what you want me to tell you here, Axel, without us fighting it out.”

“All we ever do is fight, Iana,” Axel said, his tone annoyed. “And the way we reconcile is just empty apologies and meaningless sex.”

My mouth fell open. “Axel!” I cried out.

“I knew it was different from the time you got back from Madrid, and so that’s why I hacked into your phone,” he said, and I stammered again, angered that he would do something like that. “I know that you know that trust is a two-way street, Iana. Obviously, we can’t trust each other, so I’m not sure what this is anymore.”

I shook my head at him. “Neither can I,” I replied.

Axel shook his head. “You don’t even deny that you have something to hide,” he replied. “I know about Madrid, and what happened over there.”

I swallowed, straightening up slightly. “I figured as much.”

“What are we even fighting for, Iana?” he asked me then, as I raised my eyes to his. “I know you don’t love me anymore.”

I opened my mouth to protest then, but no sound came out. Even my ability to deny such a thing was extinguished, and I knew it then, as I hadn’t before, that this was definitely on its way to being over.

. . .

I didn’t have much time to attend Franny’s final dress fitting a week later, as I had to be on a plane to New York later that same day. After yet another lecture from my cousin and best friend about honesty and wedding dates, I did my best not to tune her out. I knew, deep down, that she was right, but still, I was too stubborn to admit it completely.

I headed to the airport just after leaving Franny at the bridal shop; I left my car there, with her holding my keys, so that she could drive it home for me. I smiled at the notion of my cousin being happy and in love with Clark. He was a little rough around the edges, and although I still didn’t trust cops completely, he was proving to be the exception. He treated Franny right, and little Ezra, so, at the end of the day, that was all that mattered.

I felt relieved as I boarded the plane that I didn’t have any unexpected visitors waiting for me in my row, or in first class in general, and made my way to my seat. I was pleased that nobody ended up taking the seat beside me, and so I occupied my time by pre-ordering my meal and just staring out my window. I answered some emails back and forth thanks to the ever-helpful Wifi on the plane, mentally reminding myself via Penny where the first dinner meeting was, which had been scheduled for that same evening.

I turned and looked out the window of the plane as we took off, and watched as the city lights of Chicago grew smaller and smaller as we went higher and higher. A decision, at the end of the day, or by the end of this trip, had to be made, and only I had the power to make it. I had an idea of what I wanted, I just wasn’t fully aware of the consequences connected to my wants, and the domino effect that would likely be set in motion because of them. As I turned and looked out the window once more, I knew then, as I hadn’t known before, that this was truly, it had to be, the end of the beginning.

TO BE CONTINUED


	12. All These Years

My distrust of cops in general came at the beginning, from the moment my mother first got too up close and personal with Tommy. Knowing what I know now, she was just gleaning as much information she could, before she took the plunge and allowed herself to be in a relationship with a dangerous man. Tommy never sat right with me from day one, and even though he didn’t start raping me until after he became engaged to my mother, I knew something was off when he began to grab at me, which directly caused bruising, which caused me to have to wear long sleeves during the summer, and then came the elaborate excuses as to what I’d done to myself this time, while, all the while, Tommy would be staring at me, conducting me with his facial expressions, letting me know if I’d passed or failed various interrogation sessions.

As I stood there, at the reception, wondering where the hell I was supposed to go from here, I felt as if life couldn’t get any worse. As always, I was wrong; dead wrong. It was like a punch to the gut when the police cars pulled into the little garden area that Franny and Clark had booked for the party, and I immediately straightened up. None of this could be good; I knew it, and as I stood there, part of me wondered if they were coming to take me away for yet another crime I didn’t commit.

As they walked through the crowd, however, I felt a momentary spark of relief when they all of them walked right past me. However, my heart pounded in my chest then as I turned my head around, and my mouth dropped open. They identified themselves, plus made sure they had the right guy, whereupon they took him by the arms and hauled him out of there. The scream was just at the back of my throat then as I rushed forward, demanding to know where they were taking him, but he was very nearly at the car, and the cops were ignoring me.

“You’ll post bail!” I said, more for myself than for him. “You’ll post bail, and whatever it is, I’ll pay it!”

He merely nodded to me then, his face ashen as they shoved him like a common criminal into the back of the police cruiser, and drove away, out of sight.

. . .

My trip to New York was only due to last five days, which was perfect, because, as Maid of Honor, I had plenty of duties back home to take care of. I only had one day to rest between coming home and Franny’s bachelorette party, followed by the wedding the day after. I was thankful that, even though Franny had decided that the wedding would be a formal occasion, it would not be an over-the-top one. The ceremony was due to begin between one and two in the afternoon, giving the bridal party plenty of time for beauty sleep.

My final day in New York was crucial, as I had the make-it-or-break-it meeting with a handful of potential investors for Nell’s Rags. In all the former COO’s years with the company, she had been unable to persuade them to work with the company. Now that I’d filled her shoes, however, they were willing to hear out the company’s proposal, and it all rested on my shoulders. I did lots of breathing exercises in preparation for the evening ahead, and decided not to drink a drop of alcohol, and remain professional throughout the night.

After I put on Penny’s latest style of dress for the evening ahead, I’d just finished doing my hair and makeup when I heard a knock on my hotel room door. Perplexed, as I hadn’t been expecting anyone, I left my bathroom and walked through my bedroom and out into the living room area of my suite, before I opened the door. My jaw hit the floor as I saw who was stationed in the hallway just outside of it, however.

“Someone order a wingman to get these crotchety old men to sign on the dotted line?”

I let out a sigh of relief and threw my arms around Liam in a hug.

“Hey, what’s this?” he asked, hugging me back, his body language purely platonic, although I could sense that we both knew what lurked just beneath the surface. “You okay? Have they not been behaving themselves these last few days?”

I pulled back, trying my best to remain calm. “Yeah, you know, a little handsy, but, nothing I can’t handle,” I said, forcing a smile to my lips.

Liam narrowed his eyes. “Iana, if any of those guys gets out of line, I’ll…”

“Hey, it’s not your problem, tough guy,” I said, tossing the words over my shoulder as I grabbed my clutch from the table, which already housed my cell phone, wallet, and room key. “Come on, then, Kennedy. We’ve got to schmooze at the restaurant to get you a space at the table in the private room.”

Liam chuckled. “That won’t be a problem,” he said lightly, moving so that I could step into the hallway, and the door closed automatically behind us.

“No?” I asked, walking with him towards the elevator. “Why not?”

“Ever notice how nice the employees of the restaurants are to us?”

I blinked, raising my eyes upwards to press the down button before I turned and looked over at Liam in surprise. “Yeah… But aren’t people usually nice to generous clientele?”

Liam grinned. “They are, especially if you own twenty-five-percent or more of their business, which effectively means you sign their paychecks.”

I stammered in shock then, shaking my head. “So, those restaurants in Milan and Madrid, you and Penny…?”

“And our mother,” he said, “but mostly our mother. She invests in various businesses. Keeps her occupied, now that Dad’s gone, and Penny and I pretty much have our own lives.”

I shake my head then, a giggle of amusement escaping my lips as our elevator arrived on the ground floor. I made my way over towards the doors, ready to hail a cab, but stopped as soon as Liam and I walked outside, just as I saw a stretch limo and a driver to match, who opened the back door of the sleek vehicle. “Power move, Kennedy?” I asked, peering at him over my shoulder, a look of amusement on my face.

Liam chuckled. “Maybe,” he replied with a shrug, taking my hand and guiding me into the luxury vehicle, which boasted fine black leather interior. “Why?” he asked as he slid in beside me, and nodded for the driver to get up front. “Is it working?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re crazy,” I replied as the driver got up front and, obviously knowing where he was going, pulled away from the hotel.

Liam shrugged. “So I’ve been told.”

I leaned back on the finely upholstered seats, deciding to relax and enjoy the ride. “How’ve you been, then?” I asked. “Haven’t seen you since our last flight…”

Liam nodded. “Been busy. Prepping for summer. Thinking about taking some time off, but we’ll see what work allows.”

I nodded back. “Sounds reasonable.”

“How’s Hailey?” he asked.

I grinned stupidly. “Perfect,” I replied. “Talking up a storm every day, and she can now use the potty by herself.”

Liam grinned back. “That a girl,” he said in approval.

I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, she’s definitely a light in my life…”

Liam hesitated for a moment, studying my profile. “Does that mean other aspects of your life are shrouded in darkness?”

“How very poetic,” I said, in a much more bitter tone than I intended. “Sorry,” I said quickly then, turning and looking over at him.

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine… Is everything okay?”

I sighed. “Not really, no.”

“Want to talk about it?”

I peered over at him. “No judgement?”

Liam nodded. “Cross my heart.”

I shrugged. “What’s to say? My boyfriend officially will never trust me, because he’s convinced I’m hung up on you. And then there’s the matter of the fact that without trust, you can’t have a relationship…”

Liam sighed. “Seems to me you also can’t have a relationship if you are supposedly hung up on someone else.” He cut himself off when I turned and looked at him. “Just my opinion.”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I guess what it all comes down to is, Axel is unwilling to forget my past entirely. He liked it when I was fourteen but now that I’m eighteen, I guess we’re at the point where something has to give…”

“Life’s short, Iana. Too short.”

I nodded. “You’re telling me…”

“No, don’t just brush it off like it’s nothing. I’m being serious right now,” Liam said, his voice firm, and I turned over to look at him. “You’ve only got one shot at this life, so if someone or something means something to you, go after them or it. If you think you’re making a mistake with said someone or something, do something about it. If you’re feeling like you’re stuck somewhere you don’t want to be, get yourself out of it. You have to go after what you want in life, Iana, before it’s too late.”

I sighed, knowing that the time was dawning, and I had to stop myself from completing something that should’ve never begun again in the first place. “You’re right,” I said, smiling at him, but I didn’t lean over and kiss him, no matter how much I wanted to. “You’re right, Liam, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

. . .

The flight home was torture but, thankfully, Liam was catching a different plane, so I wasn’t afforded any distractions during. I felt relieved as I got my duffel down from the overhead compartment, and made my way through the rest of the first class section and out into the airport itself. I walked past the gated areas and sprinted through the rest of the airport, catching a taxi home to clean myself up. I was only prolonging the inevitable, but I had to work on my speech before I got there.

Once I arrived home, I knew Hailey would be getting picked up from daycare by my mother at around the same time, so I had to be quick. I dashed upstairs and jumped in the shower, washing myself all over before I got out and blow-dried my hair. I went into my bedroom and yanked on the first thing I could find, a dress and heels, and clipped my locket around my throat. I grabbed my phone, keys, and wallet before dashing back downstairs and out the front door, locking up behind me and running for my car.

The drive to Axel’s apartment didn’t feel as long, although my mind was plenty occupied with what needed to be said, and had needed to be said for a long time. As I pulled up outside the place, I forced myself out of the car and up towards the elevator. Once there, and on the correct floor, I knocked on the door, and Axel opened it up.

“Come in,” he said, no pleasantries whatsoever.

“I came by so that we could talk.”

“Fine,” he said, walking away from me. “Say whatever you want.”

I shut the door behind me. “How was your day?” I asked.

He sighed. “Come on, Iana. I know you didn’t come her to talk about that.”

I nodded. “You’re right,” I said, watching as he walked across the room, effectively putting as much distance between us as possible. “Look, Axel…”

“Spare me the overture, Iana. Just get on with it.”

“I guess what I don’t understand is why you’ve been so distant towards me,” I said, watching as Axel continued staring out his living room window. “Well, I guess I do, but still, we haven’t made any strides to resolve it. And besides, we haven’t had sex in weeks, and you’ve just been avoiding every single topic of the future like it’s fire or some shit…”

“I’ve tried to talk about the future, Iana, you know I have. Now that you’re eighteen, you said we would discuss moving in together, but…”

“Axel, you know my job schedule is unpredictable, and then there’s Hailey…”

“There you go again, making excuses,” Axel said, shaking his head. “You say you want to talk about the future, but you just want to make yourself feel better by saying that.”

I shake my head at him. “That’s not…”

“It is, Iana. It is.”

I sighed then, my entire body slacking in one single movement. “Why are you telling me all this, Axel? Why now?”

Axel sighed, turning around at long last and looking at me. “I love you.”

I blinked, staring at him. “Why would you…?”

“Because you haven’t been able to say it back since Valentine’s Day,” Axel said. “And I know why, and I’m not upset.”

“You… You know why?” I whispered.

“Of course I know why,” he said, sighing. “You see Liam enough based on the work you do for Penny and so it just makes sense. You love Liam.”

I shook my head at him. “Axel, I don’t…”

“Listen,” Axel said, crossing over to me then and taking ahold of my shoulders gently, “I’ll always be there for you and Hailey, whatever you need. But if you feel something for Liam and just ignore it, our relationship will suffer. I won’t hold you back, if he’s who you want, and if that’s the case, you need to go for it.”

I smiled up at Axel then, pressing my lips to his cheek before pulling back. “Son of a bitch,” I said quietly then. “You turned out to be a hell of a good guy, Axel Richland. Thank you,” I said in an excited voice, before grabbing my purse and running out out there.

I ran down the steps of his building, not even wanting to bother with the elevator as I got to the bottom and stepped out onto the street. I ran for my car then, getting into it, my course set for Liam’s penthouse. Axel was right, I’d been unfair; ever since Penny’s Valentine’s Day gala celebrating love, there were clear moments between Liam and me, and we’d decided to ignore it, based on my relationship with Axel. Now that I was free from that commitment, I could do what I always wanted to do, had always wanted to do. I was eighteen-years-old, and nothing was holding me back from getting what I really wanted.

I drove into Liam’s parking garage of the penthouse, locking up my car and heading directly over to the elevator, my heart pounding in my ears. I pressed the button of his place, and the elevator pulled me upwards towards my destination, bringing me quickly to the correct floor. As I stepped out onto the black marble, I didn’t even hesitate as I pressed the button onto the intercom system, not like I had the first time I’d gone there.

“Kennedy,” Liam said into it.

“It’s Iana,” I said, my voice devoid of nerves. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he replied.

The door clicked then, and I wrapped my hand around the chrome handle and pushed it open, and found myself in that gorgeous living room of his. I barely reacted to the door shutting almost automatically behind me as I stepped inside, my eyes immediately drawn to the staircase when Liam came down it. I didn’t even hesitate; it was on my mind, and now that the way was clear, I was about to do what I always wanted.

“You doing okay? Hailey all right?” Liam asked.

I didn’t even bother answering him. I felt my breath growing heavy then, and was quite positive he could hear my heart pounding from across the living room. I decided to ignore the tremors of nerves threatening to overtake me then, and dropped my purse onto the floor, before walking over towards Liam, purpose in every step, as I stood on my toes and kissed him, which was not very difficult to do, due to the designer heels Penny always insisted I wear.

Liam’s arms came around me then, and I felt his lips immediately part under mine the moment after they met. He must’ve known, as I’d known, that the last time we’d shared a kiss of this caliber was in this very place, only under very different circumstances. He didn’t know I was pregnant with Hailey yet, and we’d made a promise to be friends…

Liam pulled back from me then, cradling my face in his hands. “What about Axel?” he asked then, his eyes filled with sadness. “Despite everything, he’s a good guy. I may not like you being with him, but he’s still a nice guy…”

I nodded, lowering my eyes from his. “I know,” I replied, biting on my lower lip. “He and I ended things tonight…”

“Because of me?”

“Because of you and me,” I replied, my eyes flashing back to his. “Because of whatever this is between us… It’s not like I want to fuck to get it out of our systems, Liam. I’m done with that, because I’m done with Axel, relationship-wise. I want you; I want to be with you,” I said then, shocked at how vulnerable I’d become then.

Liam looked amazed at my words, before he pulled me back to him then, his lips finding mine immediately, tasting me, and I managed to wrap my legs around his torso. “Iana…” He groaned, pulling his lips reluctantly from mine. “What are you doing to me?”

“What do you think?” I whispered then, my breath becoming heavier in my throat. “Take me upstairs, Liam. Now. I need you.”

Liam scooped me up completely then, carrying me up that staircase and down the hallway, and into his bedroom. He set me down on the edge of the bed then, slipping off my heels and staring at me for a moment, before he pressed his lips to my ankle. He placed his giant hand between my breasts then, pushing me down onto the mattress as his lips continued up my legs, and into the crevice between them, which quickly made my toes curl completely as I felt his hot breath lingering there. He took the band of my panties between is fingers then, yanking it down and staring at me for a moment, before he permitted his finger to trace me, and I found the whimpers and moans coming forth from my lips refused to stop.

“Liam…” I whispered, biting onto my lips. “Liam, please…” I begged.

“You’re already ready for me,” he whispered, his voice marveling at how impossible it seemed before his eyes rose towards me. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” I said, my eyes locking with his. “God, I’m yours, please…”

Liam smiled, satisfied with that as he yanked the zipper down off his slacks, stepping out of them before he pulled his boxers down, climbing onto the bed with me. He pulled my thousand-dollar dress over my head, tossing it across the room, while my hands unbuttoned his dress shirt and freely roamed his muscular chest. “Say it again,” Liam whispered then, as my hands traced every chest muscle, blowing hot breath on my nipples as he continued to tease my opening, and seemed to take great joy as I writhed beneath him.

“I’m yours, Liam Kennedy. Only yours…” I whispered, looking up at him.

He nodded, satisfied then as he slammed himself into me, and I let out a scream as he filled me so effortlessly then. He chuckled then, his auditory sounds morphing into moans quickly thereafter as my fingers wrapped themselves around his perfectly-carved buttocks, urging him harder, faster, and deeper into me. His eyes locked with mine then, tracing my cheek bone as he continued to stare down at me. “Say you’ll always be mine, Iana…”

I let out another gasp then as he shifted inside me, which I felt everywhere in my body, and knew that I’d never be able to give this up. “I’ll always be yours, Liam,” I said, my words faint, for I could barely speak from the pleasure that radiated through me.

“I’m glad,” Liam replied, leaning down and capturing my lips with his again, before I could scream his name.

. . .

I felt my eyes opening the following morning, and I automatically reached out for Liam, but found only a warm portion of bed beside me. I sat bolt upright then, gathering the comforter of the bed around me, shuddering as its softness made contact with my nipples, still swollen and erect from the night before. I scooted over to the side of the bed and gathered my clothes, putting them on carefully, and clipping my locket back into place. I dug in my purse for a hair tie and put my hair up, hoping it wasn’t in complete disarray.

“Yeah, I understand that. Yeah. No, I get it. Stop contradicting me.”

Every hair along my body stood on end as I moved over to Liam’s bedroom door, and opened it even more then. I walked out and stood on the landing, looking at Liam, who faced the floor-to-ceiling window in his living room below. He looked truly beautiful as the sun hit his perfect body that morning, and I felt like jelly just admiring him.

“You don’t need to worry about a thing. I know how to handle situations like this. Don’t worry, it didn’t mean a thing. I know it can’t mean a thing.” He cut himself off then, and caught me staring at him. “I have to take care of it now. Talk to you later.” He promptly hung up the phone, and I came towards the staircase then, making my way down, my heels in my hand, and stood before him.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Put your shoes on.”

I was taken aback by the sudden lack of emotion in his tone when directed at me, but nevertheless complied with his demand. “Okay... What’s going on?”

“You have to leave.”

I blinked, finishing with buckling up my heels before I got to my feet. “Why? Do you have an early meeting or something?”

Liam shook his head. “No. I just want you gone.”

My mouth fell open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But, Liam, you said that I should go out and take what I want. You know what I want, I showed and told you as much last night. You know that I want…” 

“Yeah, I know, and I don’t give a shit,” he said, his tone cutting. “We told each other that we weren’t relationship kind of people. Just because you slipped up and were with Axel doesn’t mean I suddenly want to play house with you, too.”

I blinked, shaking my head. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying get the fuck out of my house,” he says, striding past me and picking up my purse, which he shoved into my arms. “I’m saying that last night was only physical. I’m saying that you and I will never be together.”

“But, Liam, I…”

“Don’t say anything else, Iana,” he thundered, narrowing his eyes at me as he grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me towards the door, which I was promptly shoved through. “Unless you just want to fuck around again, or discuss work, Iana, then don’t come back here. Ever,” he said, emphasising the last word, before slamming the door behind him.

I walked towards the elevator then, over fifty-percent in a daze as I pressed the button. Once the box came for me, I stepped inside and pressed the parking garage level. I tore my phone out from my purse then, keying in Penny’s number, and listened to the rings. When I got her machine, I waited for the beep before I spoke. “Penny, this is Iana. You’re going to have to find yourself a new COO, because I’m done,” I said as the elevator doors open. “I quit,” I finished, willing for my voice not to break as I ended the call, and made my way towards my car.

. . .

The only thing I managed to do at Franny’s bachelorette party was win the award for “Most Drunk” out of everyone in the bridal party. I smiled and nodded throughout the night, knowing that I would pay for it in the morning, but crossing my fingers that I would somehow manage to survive the ceremony. I woke up in late morning and chugged some water and pain pills, hoping for the best.

“Want to catch a ride with me?” I asked Yev. “You’re a groomsmen. As the Maid of Honor, I have to make sure everyone gets to where they’re supposed to be.”

Yev nodded. “Sure, I’ll catch a ride with the Maid of Honor and Flower Girl.”

I grinned. “Great,” I said. “Thanks for sneaking me in here last night.”

Yev laughed. “No problem.”

“Gotta head over to my place to shower and get into some sweats. Meet me at my car in an hour, all right?”

Yev saluted me. “You go it.”

I stuck my tongue out at him before heading back across the street, plugging in my phone to the charger, and finding a bunch of texts and missed calls from Penny, Lacey, Rose, and, surprisingly, Liam. “Son of a bitch probably only called because mommy and baby sister told him to,” I said, my voice bitter.

I got into a shower and did my hair and washed my body, pushing the thoughts of the night before last from my mind. Last thing I needed was for my final day of Maid of Honor duties to be clogged up with thoughts of my stupidity. A lapse of judgement; temporary insanity; utter shamelessness. Whatever you wanted to call it in a negative light, it applied to me. I rested my head against the white tile of my shower, unaware of where my tears ended and where the stream of shower water began.

Pushing it all from my mind, I got out of there as soon as I could, grabbing my blow-dryer and doing as good a job on my hair as I could. I then rolled my eyes, but put my hair into the hot rollers that Franny had insisted I buy. Once that was done, I checked over my makeup bag and pulled that with me as I stepped out of my bathroom, and yanked on a pair of cotton panties, a sports bra, jean shorts, and a tank top.

My phone buzzed then, and I perched on the edge of my bed, noticing it was an alert from Google Flights about tickets to Los Angeles. I smiled to myself, accessing a promo code I’d gotten recently, and bought two tickets, due to leave the following day. Smiling to myself, I put my phone back onto my bed, making sure that my dress was all secure in its bag, as well as its matching shoes. I walked into my parents’ bedroom, where Hailey had been put down for a nap, and brought her to the bathroom, where she did her business, before I got her all ready for the drive down to The Crystal Gardens, where the wedding was due to take place.

“Hey, you,” I said, spotting Yev coming towards my car, as I held Hailey in one arm, and our garment bags in the other. “Ready?”

Yev shifted slightly, showing off his garment bag. “Last time I checked.”

I forced a smile to my lips. “Let’s get out of here, then.”

After strapping Hailey into her car seat and hanging our garment bags on the specific hooks reserved for them in my car, we drove to the wedding venue. I listened to Yev’s small talk and responded when it was appropriate to do so. I found myself smiling at my older brother then; in just under a year, he had a job, a boyfriend, and a family that loved him. And then there was me, his sister, who had put her life on the line for him, and I wouldn’t have had it happen any other way, for the last thing I needed was to lose him.

Once we arrived, we were directed to the specific quarters reserved for the bridal and groom party, and I was given permission to change Hailey, before Mom showed up and I got to hand her off to her while I changed. Once my dress was on and in place, I took the godforsaken rollers out of my hair and did my hair and did my makeup, before fetching Hailey back to me and went to go and see how Franny was doing.

“Hey,” I said, smiling at her.

Franny squealed when she saw me. “That green drape dress that Penny designed for you is absolutely exquisite!” she cried.

I smiled, doing my best not to wince at the sound of Penny’s name. “Yeah, well, you know she loves it when people wear her stuff.”

The ceremony soon began and was over and done with in a matter of minutes, as Franny didn’t want a bunch of flowery words, just straight from the heart. The dancing and appetizers were brought about as soon as the justice of the peace left his spot, and I refused the shrimp, as I knew such a thing would make me sick. Hailey had been regulated to my mother’s arms again, and I stood off a little from the crowd of people, so that I was by myself, having dodged Liam, Penny, and Lacey since my arrival at the venue.

As I stood there, at the reception, wondering where the hell I was supposed to go from here—in both my professional and personal life, as I was no longer gainfully employed, or attached at the hip with someone romantically—and I felt as if life couldn’t get any worse. As always, I was wrong; dead wrong. It was like a punch to the gut when the police cars pulled into The Crystal Gardens, and I immediately straightened up at the sound. None of this could be good; I knew it, and as I stood there, part of me wondered if they were coming to take me away for yet another crime I didn’t commit.

As they walked through the crowd, however, I felt a momentary spark of relief when they all of them walked right past me. However, my heart pounded in my chest then as I turned my head around, and my mouth dropped open.

“Yevgeny Milkovich?”

Yev turned then, from where he’d been standing with Desmond, his expression changing drastically when he saw just who was asking. “Yeah?” he asked.

“I’m Sergeant Michaelson of the Chicago Police, and you’re under arrest for the assault and battery of Terry Milkovich,” he said, and simultaneously cuffed him and dragged him back towards the entrance of the place. “Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you…”

“Where are you taking him?!” I screamed, even though I very well knew the answer. “Will somebody tell me what’s going on?!”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” said one officer.

I glared at him, before looking over at Yev. “You’ll post bail!” I said, more for myself than for him. “You’ll post bail, and whatever it is, I’ll pay it!”

Yev merely nodded to me then, his face ashen as they shoved him like a common criminal into the back of the police cruiser, and drove away, out of sight.

. . .

Yev was let out on a one hundred thousand dollar bail, which I readily paid, as Penny had given me several bonuses since I’d done three successful deals in a row. Not that any of that mattered now, I reasoned with myself, as I tucked in Hailey where she lay beside me, in an airplane seat which had converted to a bed. I kissed her forehead, the mid-June sunshine coming in from my airplane window, and yet I knew, since I’d been up all night posting bail for Yev, I could use the three hours or so spent in the air for sleep.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying with us today. We leave beautiful Chicago to fly into sunny Los Angeles. We hope you enjoy your flight, and your trip.”

I reached down then and pulled out the paperwork that I’d had Dad draw up for me at his own suggestion, the words Termination of Parental Rights written in bold on the tip-top of the first page I held. I turned and looked at Hailey, knowing that she was asleep, so she wouldn’t be able to hear me at all, and yet, I smiled. “Soon you’ll understand why I couldn’t have your daddy near you,” I told her, my tone gentle, as the plane drew closer to our destination.

END OF SEASON THREE


End file.
